MERRY CHRISTMAS

to all and to all a good night! 

Merry Christmas dear Internet! 

CONVERSATION ON A COLD DECEMBER EVENING

December 22nd.
I am at my inlaws house in northern Ontario with a drink (one of many) in hand.  Arthur was running around and my MIL remarks how it is sad that Arthur's breeder decided to cut his tail off so short (he is a pointer and their tales are always docked).  And then the conversation switches to the fact that he no longer has balls due to his mom (that would be me) having them cut off and how we should not have done that to the poor boy.  The comment was made that he has been mutilated. 

Somehow from there, we went to circumcision and how Wilson is not (this I knew), his dad (MY FIL) is not (never wanted to know) and neither was his granddad (same).  This happened while I was in the same room as my FIL and my husband!  I NEVER EVER wanted to know anything about my FIL in that way.  While this conversation was making my ears bleed, my FIL and husband were having a conversation about the auto industry bailout and do not even register the hell I was in.

And they wonder why I drink so much when I am at their house.  Internet, I think you understand because you would head straight for the fridge for more wine too!

Aren't the holidays dee-lightful?

BACK FROM VACATION

Happy Monday Internet!  Am back from Belize and I have a slight tan - WOOT WOOT!  However, Belize and I did not agree.  First Delta Airlines lost our luggage - this usually is not a problem but when you get on a sailboat immediatly and leave port - not having your luggage does equate to a problem!

Second - we had 2 amazing days of sunshine and then came the overcast and rainy days.  4 days of overcast and rainy - WTF!!!

Third - and this is the part that sealed the deal for me - SAND FLEAS AND FREAKIN NOSEEUMS!!!  Where did I go - Florida for the love of God???  Multiple bites and much scratching later, I have determined that Belize and I are not meant to be together!!

However, it was a blast with our friends and I laughed so much every day and drank WAAAAYYY too much!!  Reality hit with a vengenance when we got off the plane last night and the pilot said it was minus 12 degrees Celsius (I have no freaking idea what that is in Farenheit!). 

Am now back at work and wish I was still on vacation - just not in Belize! 

VACATION BOUND!

Wilson and I are vacation bound.  Where are we going do you ask dear Internet? Well let me tell you...

BELIZE!!!!!!!

That's right - sunshine, unlimited bar, sunshine, no work and sunshine! 

I will be back in a week, the same pale shade I am now (due to a large hat and copious amounts of SPF 45) but relaxed and happier (due mainly to lots of vacation sex with Wilson)!

Have a lovely week and I will raise a glass or 12.  I promise pictures when I get back!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

For all my American friends and family.  May you travel safe, wear an outfit that features an elastic waistband and buy me something pretty on Black Friday!

AND SO IT BEGINS...

This was what we woke up to this morning.  More than a light dusting, less than a blizzard but still enough to completely screw up traffic last night.  It took me an hour and 45 minutes to travel a distance that could be easily travelled in 20-30 minutes.  Of course I was at a meeting prior to this and drank a bottle of water, forgot to go to the loo before I left and wanted to die in the car for the last 30 minutes of that drive.  GAH!!!!

If I haven't mentioned it recently - I HATE WINTER!!!  Yes snow at Christmas is pretty!  Yes snow can be fun if you ski!  Still doesn't make me like it any more.  I hate the cold, dry, chapped skin and the required layers that winter brings with it every year!   Mental note - buy more lottery tickets so that I can leave this country of mine in the winter and go somewhere warm. 

Internet - I hope that you are somewhere warm and dry and not covered in snow.  If you are, have a margarita for me!

LUNCH TIME REQUIREMENT - FOOD AND EMERGENCY SHOPPING!

Many times my life is just a HUGE comedy of errors. This morning, realizing it was Friday and I could wear jeans to work (YIPEE!), I had a bit of extra spring to my step as I meandered down the hall to the loo. I shower, moisturize, blow dry etc all the while thinking of how comfortable I will be today at work. Then I move towards my closet and realize that my ‘good’ jeans are in the wash after being worn multiple times on the recent trip to Germany. So out come the tried and true GAP jeans that I haven’t worn in a couple of weeks.


I drag them on my body and realize that I have to high school it (lay down to zip them up) and thought to myself that the copious bratwurst/beer combo that was consumed last week on the aforementioned trip was NOT kind and I will have to start up the Trimspa again. Once they are zipped up, I then make THE fatal error of the day – I forgot to look in the full length mirror to assess the ensemble before leaving the house.


I get out at the office and see my reflection in the building (it is mirrored) and gasp out loud. Holy shit - I am wearing floods!  These jeans are seriously short and geeky looking!  All I need is a pencil protector and I am set for life.  I quickly called Wilson to enquire what the HELL he did to them when he did the laundry. Here is the response – “yeah, sorry about that but I thought they were mine and accidentally threw them in the dryer but I thought you wouldn’t notice since you never wear them anymore”. 

My beloved is famous for the don’t ask, don’t tell policy regarding anything that happens to my stuff that might get him yelled at.  Clothes that might have been ruined or shoes that Arthur chewed while I was away on business - I get no news about these items until I go digging around or wear something totally embarrassing and ask about it and then I get the update. (Totally not kidding about the shoes – Arthur chewed not 1 but 2 pairs of shoes while I was away on my last trip.  I promptly developed the chewed shoe/will be immediately replaced policy and the shoes were promptly replaced the next weekend!)
We all know what I will be doing at lunch – I will be making the emergency jean purchase to fix this situation. Wish me luck!

TRAVELLING

I am a travelling fool these days - mostly for my job - and right now I am in Germany, specifically in Cologne.  And while I was at a meeting and we broke for the afternoon we had canapes, pastries and...wait for it...wine.  Platters of it being walked around waiting for me to take a glass.  Which.I.did.  It would be wrong to refuse don't you think?

Only in Europe can you drink wine whenever you want and no one will judge you and for that Europe totally rocks!  Here no one looks at me and thinks alcoholic - they look at me and think totally normal.  I really should move here because at home no one EVER looks at me and thinks I am in any way normal! Tee!

WHY I HAVE BEEN A BAD BLOGGER

Dear Internet
I know, I suck at updating now.  But remember, I went and got all ambitious and got another job at which they have deadlines, real work, objectives for me to reach and expectations that are high.  Trust me, after where I used to work, this is an adjustment. 
Hence no more blogging, reading blogs or Flickr or Facebook at work but here is what I have been doing in the meantime.

I have been travelling so much that I can barely remember what time zone I am in, who my beloved husband is and where i live.  However Internet, please don't leave me for someone prettier, smarter who updates more frequently and gives you back massages and free lattes.  I still love you lots and lots and some day will get back to slacking if that damn lottery win would ever kick in. 

I promise to try harder and update, comment and generally let you know what is happening over here at crazy central. 

Sincerely,
DiDi

COME BACK! COME BACK!

I am a woman obsessed!  I have been watching Mad Men since the very beginning (I was home sick and saw the 'Making of' thing on AMC and got hooked from that moment) and now, it is gone for another season! 

And now I must wait another year to see Don again.  Damn you season finale!  Damn you studio execs who believe in limited runs!  Give me back my Don! 

I will just have to content myself with reruns of both seasons until he comes back to me - in all of his gorgeous glory!  Sigh...

WITH THANKS

This weekend is Thanksgiving for us Canadians - and a long weekend could not have come faster for me.  I lurvve long weekends!

Here are some of things I am thankful for this year:

• Wilson
• Arthur
• Long weekends
• pedicures
• Sorority girls
• red wine
• white wine
• Diet Coke
• new job
• my crazy family
• amazing friends
• happy life
• pretty shoes

I am off to eat my fill of turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie and whatever else is prepared for this year feast!  Happy Thanksgiving y'all - even if you are not Canadian.

A DOG'S LIFE

As I sat on the couch last night with Arthur in my lap – and this is no small feat since he is 75 pounds – I thought about how good our brown boy had it. This was a dog whose world was shiny and bright – he had his mom (and his mom had wine so all was good for me too!), a bone to chew on, a lap to lie in, food and water in his bowls (that sit on a monogrammed mat!) – his life was good and he was happy.

He doesn’t give a baboon’s behind about the stock market, diminishing returns or the state of the global economy. His whole goal in life is to be able run like the wind, play with a ball and to crawl into bed with us each and every morning.


If this is a dog’s life, there are certainly some days when I think – that life is pretty darn good!

THE VIEW FROM THERE

This was the view that I had when I was outside of San Francisco last week.  Pounding surf, sunshine and mild weather were almost enough to make me ditch my life and become a California girl. 

I know that California has smog, too many cars, earthquakes and an actor for a governor but every time I go I always think that I could so live here. 

Oh well, maybe in my next life!

CALIFORNIA HERE I COME...

OK, so I am already here and loving it. As I spend 3 days at a posh hotel outside of San Francisco on the edge of the ocean - I am just about ready to ditch my life in Toronto for this idyllic place. That is until I read the paper and see how much it costs to live here and quickly remember that I don't have any money. DAMN! As of now, I am officially badgering Wilson about winning the lottery just so I can come back here and live it up like George and Weezy.

While there is a large amount of travel with this new job and I hate that it takes me away from home, away from my boys - the perks of twice daily maid service, unlimited towels, king size bed with loads of pillows and room service help ease the pain.

So thanks California for be so obliging with the weather and your hospitality. This Canadian girl really appreciates it!

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT AFTER ALL...

Had a blast watching the Emmy's last night and my girl crush on Tina Fey has grown significantly!  She is truly one of the funniest women on the planet and when she and Amy Poehler are together, I am in hysterics.  Also, having Jeff Probst, Patrick Dempsey and Jon Hamm all in one show together was utterly delicious!  I remembered why I watched Survivor as long as I did and Jeff Probst is that reason.  Those dimples...sigh! 

Flash forward to near the end of the show and out comes Mary Tyler Moore with her trademark megawatt smile and from a distance I was all 'Damn she looks good!' - fit, really good hair, great dress and I am all happy to see her and had the show theme song running through my head.  http://www.televisiontunes.com/Mary_Tyler_Moore_-_1972.html

Aaaannnnd then the camera pulled in for a close up.  "Pull back!" I screamed at the TV.  Mary has a scary, plastic surgery face!  Her face was so tight that her crotch must be up around her ears when she smiles.  Then she gestured and again I was horrified!  The crepey, flappy skin almost whacked me in the face.  Mary, please!!  I beseech you - no more plastic surgery and pretty, pretty please wear sleeves when on TV from now on!  I know that aging is a bitch but please - we all have to recognize that we can no longer wear certain things anymore with every decade we age.  And at your age - sleeves are now mandatory!  And Mare, please know, I pick because I care.

Now am back at work and dreaming of being stranded on a desert isle with Jeff Probst...ooops, sorry for the drool!

Have a good week y'all!

NO WAY! NO HOW! NO COMB OVER!

I will never understand how anyone can think that a comb over is in any way attractive? 

Case in point, I am in the mall on Saturday getting my cardio in (otherwise known as shopping) and in front of me is an attractive, older man.  He turns to get on the escalator and I thought I was going to have a stroke.  Glued to his head with some type of shiny head sealant, were no more than a dozen hairs carefully arranged in some sort of even fashion.  Did he think that I could no longer see the tanned top of his head?   Actually the tanned top 3/4s of his head? 

On behalf of women everywhere I make this public request - cut it off!  We can see the skin shining through the 6 hairs you are so proud of and beg of you to embrace your baldness.  Nothing is attractive about a few hairs grown so long and scraped up and over a place on your head where they do not belong.  Do what is right and set those poor hairs free!  They have done their best for you and now is their time to retire to Hair Heaven! 

Women around the world beg of you - no more comb over!  And in return, we will stop pointing at you in malls, mock retching and then blogging about it.   Once that is fixed, we will work on the bad old man jeans but a girl has to have priorities!    

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I am feeling a definite loss of inspiration regarding what to say here so here are a collection of random thoughts.  If nothing else, it will get them out of my head.

• was slightly hung over this morning - nothing works better to fix that than a breakfast that includes bacon
• I love the GAP
• Red wine is truly a gift from God
• The sound of a can of Diet Coke opening is music to my ears
• Cheese should really have less calories as it makes up a large part of my diet
• How do the girls at the MAC counter keep their make up perfect every minute of the day? 
• And why is it that I can never recreate anything that they do for me with the same products and brushes?
• Is 42 too old to tell people that I am really good at Wii bowling?
• Just saw an ad for Survivor and am wondering who still watches it? 

That are all the random thoughts I could muster up today.  I promise to better the next time I write. 

A REQUEST FOR THE INTERNET

Today, our friend Rob has been deployed to join the Canadian troops in Afghanistan.  He and Wilson grew up together and their parents and Wilson's parents are best friends.  He is a loving husband to Marcie and a father to 2 gorgeous children. 

This is not a political statement or me on any kind of soap box.  Just a request to you dear Internet - in whatever way you do - could you send out good thoughts to the universe for Rob and his family to keep him safe for his tour.  All of us who know him, just want him to come home safe and sound.

Thank you Internet!

I'M JES SAYING...

I was at the airport going through security to go to my gate for my flight to Montreal for my first event with my new company.  A nice looking couple were in front of me who were emptying all that they own into the bins to be xrayed. When out of nowhere, the lady turns, looks for her friend who dropped them off and waved at this person. At this point my eyes exploded and I will never be the same. The woman had on a white, sleeveless blouse and when she lifted up her arm to wave I got a view of her 6 inch long pit hair flapping around as she waved!


I can tolerate many things but that almost made my head explode! Lady, For the love of God, if you choose to not shave your underarms, then do the world a solid and never wear sleeveless AGAIN! No sleeves are a privilege not a right!!!!


Today's rant has now concluded - please feel free to resume your business.

COUGAR AND THE GEEKS

This weekend, this last, lovely, long weekend of the summer, I will be in Montreal for the World Cyber Games.  Why you ask dear Internet?  Because of my new job - that's why!  My new company is a large sponsor of the World Cyber Games or as I call it - Geekfest! 

When I told Wilson that I was going to World Cyber Games - his loving response was "You are going to look like such a cougar there surrounded by teenage boys!".  My response - I wanted to choke the spit out of him but instead responded with a wifely "Fuck Off!" 

My wee knowledge of video games consists of our new Wii.  I am really good at Wii bowling and that is about it.  The last time I was in Best Buy, a 9 year kid kicked my ass at Guitar Hero and tennis.  I have a distinct feeling that the song running through my head this weekend will be "One of these things is not like the other". 

So this weekend while y'all are enjoying sunshine and cocktails - remember me -your very own 42 year old cougar surrounded by palefaced teenage boys with excellent hand/eye coordination - and then pour yourself a large drink and have it for me.  I am going to need all the help I can get to get through this weekend!