Monday, January 10, 2011


Being that 2010 has been the year of the most change ever in my life it has also been the year that has taught me the most about myself.  So what did I learn last year – here goes…

  1. Change does not kill you.  It may make you feel damn uncomfortable and/or make you wish for death but in the end, you don’t die from it. 
  2. That I hate the saying “that which does not kill you makes you stronger”.  I was pretty damn strong before and people saying that to me all the damn time made me want to kill THEM.  
  3. Also, I hate the phrase that ‘time heals all wounds’.  For the record – never say that to a recently separated woman.  Time gives you the needed distance from your warring emotional state to get perspective and objectivity.  Eventually you start to heal but when I was 2 weeks post conversation with Wilson, all I wanted to do was punch people when they said that to me. 
  4. Divorce is effing ugly.  No way around it on that one.  However, staying in a marriage where your husband no longer loves you is even uglier.  And as ugly as my divorce was, I am grateful that it was just me and Wilson and that we did not have kids that had to go thru this with us.  
  5. I have learned that there is no end to the kindness of friends and family.  When the chips are down and you feel like you are just going to sit down in the middle of the road and go no further because your legs won’t carry you, they come along and carry you for a while until you can walk on your own again.  Because of these amazing people in my life, I was able to find my way back to being a ‘me’ from a ‘we’ and do so with a fair amount of grace.  I know that without them, I would not have been able to do this without the help of some little blue pills.  And for that, I am forever grateful.
  6. Pretty shoes ALWAYS make me feel better.  
  7. Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen to you.  It may feel like it at the time but all it does is make you split the stuff in your house and pay a lawyer.  The only thing that died was your marriage - and for that I am grateful.  My parents, family and friends are all still alive and healthy and so am I. 
  8. Love is truly blind and divorce reveals all.  It is amazing to see what becomes of the person that you loved (and I am sure that Wilson would say the same about me) thru this process.  
  9. I learned that even though you divorce someone, you never wish them ill.  I loved Wilson truly, madly and deeply.  That love really doesn’t go away - it just kind of mutates into something indefinable.   Oddly enough I never hated him - my girlfriends do enough for 10 people and that is kind of funny for me.  I no longer love him as I did but I don’t want bad things to happen to him.  Truthfully – that one kind of surprised me a bit.  Doesn’t mean that I don’t think he is an ass, but I don’t want him to be a hurt, maimed or dead ass.  
  10. I have learned that nothing lasts forever.  
  11. I have learned that marriage is a living, breathing entity that needs daily care.  While there are days, weeks, months where it seemingly is going so well that it takes care of itself – that is when it needs the most care.  Because if you take are of your marriage when the times are the best, it will pay off in spades when you hit a rough patch.  
  12. Change is inevitable.  
  13. Change for the most part is good – cleans out the old, the dark corners, the musty smell.  No one really likes to go into those dark corners – you have to face the demons that live there, the truth that in fact, you helped to create mess, the dark corners, the musty smell.  Hopefully you learn enough thru the change to recognize when you are doing it again and stop it or if you are really smart, to never do it again.  
  14. The only way your marriage can survive is if you both change in your marriage – at roughly the same pace – and acknowledge each other’s changes.  Nobody stays the same person forever and if we don’t stay the same, how can we expect our marriages to remain static.   
  15. I don’t need to be rescued or saved or protected.  I do need to love and be loved, cherish and be cherished and care and be cared for – and knowing this makes me even surer that I will meet someone who feels the same way.  I am not sure why – I just know that I will.  That is what sustains me through this dating journey I am on.   
  16. I used to be afraid of trying – now my motto is ‘feel the fear, do it anyway’.  Fear used to stop me from trying, doing, changing.  Now, I am going to try and I may fail spectacularly or I am succeed just as spectacularly.  Who knows but I will never know unless I try.  So this year I am going to jump out of a plane, get SCUBA certified and who knows what else.   Look out world - here I come!
  17. That I am a strong, confident woman.  I always knew that but now, after learning the above, I am unstoppable.  And that, is the best thing I have learned EVER!
So what did you learn in 2010? 

Thursday, January 06, 2011


Work = Crazy times but wanted to wish you a wonderful 2011 Internet!  Here is to a better year for all of us - Lord knows we all deserve it!

Back at you once this craziness calms down!