Monday, December 13, 2010


So far, so good on the Christmas spirit this year.  Am feeling very positive and up beat - perhaps this has something to do with having my shopping done and wrapped this year - in record time! 
Toronto got hit by its first (!) round of crappy weather this weekend.  Raining during the day and then snow and it all froze.  So consequently, I skiied down the driveway this morning, in my high heels no less all while screaming and making the neighbours laugh.  I managed to stay on my feet but just barely.  God I hate winter and yet I continue to live where we suffer through this season for the better part of 5 damn months.  I should not complain considering what is happening in the midwest - are you enjoying being snowed in Muffy?
Work is busy but good and I am off to Denver for New Years again this year to visit wonderful friends.  The NBB is hanging in and keeping me company and all that I love are healthy and happy.  All in all, a much better end to my year than beginning and I feel that 2011 is going to be my year! 
And no, I have not yet had a cocktail today so my holiday glow is not wine induced...yet!

Monday, December 06, 2010


I am not sure how to write this without sobbing my guts out but my life of being a dog mommy and having the sweetest brown dog love me back has come to a close.  Wilson decided that sharing custody of our boy was more than he could handle going forward and I had to make a choice - either I take him or he takes him but no more sharing.  As my living situation is still up in the air - I am trying to find a place to live that works for my job and budget - I cannot take him now and taking him away from his daddy, the only home he has ever known, his friends, dog walker and all that he holds dear at some point in the future is so not something I can live with. 

Wilson is Arthur's favourite human and to be a dog loved by him will give Arthur a very good life - filled with long walks, treats, sleeps in the big bed and more love than one dog could ever dream of.   As a dog mommy, all I want for him is to have a long life, filled with love and fun and my Arthur will have that in spades with his daddy. 

I am not sure how to deal with this hole in my heart that feels like the size of the Grand Canyon.  For the first time in years, there will be no dog treats under the Christmas tree, no crazy dog antics or long walks on Christmas morning.  I will miss the morning snuggles, puppy kisses and having a dog head in my lap at the end of a long day.  Arthur came along after losing my beloved Maggie and filled my life with laughter and so much love. 

So good bye my brown boy - know that you mama will always love you and have a place in her heart for you.  My Arthur is irreplaceable and my love for him is the forever kind. 

Thursday, November 25, 2010


To all my American friends both virtual and real.  May you enjoy your friends, family and turkey and have nothing but good things to be thankful for! 

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


I know that the Thanksgiving that is about to be celebrated in the 50 states that make up the USA is not my Thanksgiving being a Canadian girl and all - but I am sitting here, writing and giving some BIG thanks right now. 

Wilson has agreed to the settlement amount and within 2-3 weeks, I will be a legally separated woman.  I know that sounds like a weird thing to be thankful for but after this crazy, chaotic year - to have this huge. looming issue come to a close so that I can face 2011 on my own terms is massive for me. 

So today internet, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here is just some of what I am thankful for:

- this crazy, chaotic year - without it I would never have found out how strong I really am
- my new job - for being a good change for me
- friends - both virtual and real - I am a better person because of you and them
- family - they are truly a safe place for me to land and accept me for who I am
- love - while it may not be the love of one person right now, I am so lucky to have so much love in my life. 
- hope - for 2011 to be better, for love, for whatever comes my way
- this blog - my safe, anonymous place where I can get rid of the thoughts that rattle around my brain
- Diet Coke - mmmmm mmmmm good!
- pretty shoes - nuff said
- Arthur - while he is now Wilson's exclusively and I can no longer see or touch him - he is still my brown boy and I will love him forever.  There will be another dog soon but none will ever be like Arthur!

I am a lucky, loved girl who is thankful for all that has come my way this year - the good, the bad and yes even the ugly. Without it all, I would never know how far I have come or what I am capable of.  So here I sit - a happy girl giving thanks for it all!


So the Practice Date and I have continued to hang out and have some fun.  We have had lots of good conversation mixed with some really great kisses.  I think we are just very casual and taking it date by date.  He on the other hand is a discusser of things - most particularly us and our situation.  Shortly after our 5th or 6th date - he gives me the face and then says "so what is this thing we have going on here?"  Cue stroke/heart attack and a bad case of the cold sweats. 

On about our 3rd date, I made it very clear that I was not looking for a relationship, boyfriend or anything serious.  I am barely 7 months out of a long term relationship/marriage and just trying to figure out how to date and not be someone's someone right away.  I am a girl who just wants to have some fun and if that fun also includes time with a cute boy - I am VERY ok with that.  However, please do not use the word boyfriend, relationship or anything else that smacks of something that will end in some kind of ugly manner.  And please oh please do not use the dreaded g word (ACK - girlfriend) to describe me to your friends.  Been there, done that and am paying the legal bills for it. 

However, Practice Date boy likes to talk about things.  He is one of those upfront, out in the open boys that I always thought were an urban myth.  He just wants to understand what I want from him - because for a no strings attached, no commitment, nothing really to deep affair, we are spending a fair amount of time together and he is confused.  Damn him and his ability to communicate.  Why can't he just leave this shiz under the rug as we WASPy folks tend to do.  Why can't he let me be all contradictory (don't want any strings but like your company and make plans with you)- I do it in a very cute and charming way.  Instead we end up discussing it and my freaked feelings regarding relationships at this moment in my life.  Praise Jebus that he cute and funny otherwise I would have run for the hills faster than an out of shape girl really should.  So we talk and talk - and pretty much end up in the same place but it is all out in the open and one of us feels better for the conversation (hint - this person is not me!).  He seems to be OK with where I am and likes spending time with me - and is willing so far to leave the labels out of the equation.  Again, the cute and fun seriously weighs in his favour here. 

It has taken me time and a lot of effort but I have managed to glue the shattered pieces of my heart back together - but the glue is still wet and my heart - well she is still very fragile.  Risking this carefully glued-back-together heart on a 'serious' romance scares me more than I can say.  However, I have learned this year to never say never and stay open to the possibility of anything so here I stand, at the edge of the cliff but just don't have the faith yet that my chute will open and it will all be OK. 

So here I am - scared shitless of this cute, funny boy, with his 2 kids, mixed up crazy life and his talkative ways who wants to be my non boyfriend boyfriend.  And just between you and me internet - I am having a really great time. 

Thursday, November 04, 2010


I have always believed that if you really want something, write it down and then send it out to the Universe.  I also believe that you can’t just wish for stuff and then POOF! magically find someone who is everything on it without working on yourself either.  So that is what I am doing in this time of flux – really figuring out what I like, want, need so that when the next great guy comes along, I will be ready to take the leap. 

So universe, here is hoping that you are listening because here is what I would like to find in a boy:  

  1. Honest – with himself and with me
  2. Caring
  3. Kind
  4. Financially responsible/successful – I am not talking millionaire here but someone who has been able to grow their career as I have and has found success
  5. Smart
  6. Loyal
  7. Has a sense of humour – finds me funny, makes me laugh, gets the overall joke in life, sees humour in every day things, can laugh at himself
  8. Tall enough that I can wear high heels – I am a girl and I love pretty shoes - nuff said
  9. Emotionally intelligent/good sense of self/comfortable in his skin – knows who he is and is OK with that, won't be a pushover with me, will stand up to me if Iam out of line but will also stand up for me
  10. Adventurous – I don't mean crazy adventurer cliff diver but willing to try something once even if he might not be good at it.  Has a zest for life and living
  11. Not fat – I am no hard bodied girl and I am not asking for a super duper fit guy but someone who takes care of themself, somewhat active and is not a couch potato all of the time. 
  12. Loves dogs – Anyone who wants a life with me will have to be used to the fact that there will always be a dog in the house and had better understand the responsibility that goes with that 
  13. Love of travel – I love it and want to continue this throughout my life not as a tourist but as a traveler
  14. Decent relationship with ex – especially if there are children involved.  Divorce is not easy ever but if you chose to have children with your former spouse, you have to rise above the crap and develop a new relationship that can be at cordial.
  15. Respect – for himself, other people, women
  16. Confident – nothing is sexier than a confident man
  17. Passionate – about life but also about me.  Not to be too inappropriate here but wants to have a healthy, active life in the bedroom
  18. Affectionate – holding hands, kissing, hugs – touch is very important to me
  19. Cares about the little things in life – I don’t need him to remember the day we first kissed but remembers when I have important stuff coming up and asks about it. 
  20. Communicator – not easy but you have to be willing to talk about anything – easy or difficult. 
  21. Willingness to be vulnerable – everyone struggles with this but I do believe that when you love someone and trust them enough to be in a relationship, you have to be willing to show them your best and worst.  You have to be willing to trust your partner enough to show those parts of you that no one else sees
  22. Non judgemental – as much as humans can be – no biases or bigotry allowed
  23. Gets relationships - understands that they are a marathon not a sprint and won't bolt for the door when the going gets rough
  24. Has figured out a balance in his life between work, family, friends, etc
  25. Has been able to establish good friend relationships - I have amazing friends who mean the world to me and would want the same for my partner
But most of all, that he wants a real relationship with me and that he gets that a real relationship is so many things all at once - joyous, crazy, passionate, amazing, trying, best thing, knee buckling, frustrating - and yet would not have it any other way.  Spending your life with someone and sharing all that goes with it is one of the toughest yet most rewarding things you can do and I want someone who understands that and is willing to take the leap with me. 
So all in all - that is what I am looking for and fingers crossed that I might find someone who has most of these qualities and that I am most of what is on his list too.  Until that time, I will keep working on me and having fun while I do it.  Life is too short to dwell on what is missing when you have so much good right in front of you. 

Monday, November 01, 2010


So it seems that I took a wee break from blogging and in that time much has happened…

-         I have learned that while love is blind, divorce is all-seeing.  I had a horrible conversation with Wilson about money.  It was the kind of conversation that made me wonder what I ever saw in him.  I know that this is bound to happen but after that conversation, this girl who loved that boy so deeply wonders where the boy is that she fell in love with?  Then, maybe he never really existed in the way that I saw him and this part of him was there all along, I just never had to deal with him in that way.  Realizing that was very sad and also freeing because once this is over, I will never have to deal with him again.

-         We had another horrible conversation about Arthur – our beloved dog.  The intention all along was to share him once it all got settled because we both love him and he loves us both.  After the above conversation, Wilson decided it was time to share that he no longer wants to share Arthur and either I take him or he takes him but no more visitation.  Cue my broken heart and many tears but in the end this will be the best decision for me.  It will completely cut the cord between Wilson and I which is for the best but to never see Arthur again is something that seems unbelievable to me still.  I know that he will be loved for all of his life and that is all any dog owner could ever want but it still hurts like a mutha!

-         DiDi had a date – and a good one with Practice Date boy or as I described him to the BFFs  - the Basset Hound.  Somehow, he never got the message that I was not really interested in seeing him again and would send texts or call to keep in touch.  Cut to DiDi travelling for the new job and I get a text from him that says he knows the first date was a dud and he would like a do-over.  I had to give him points for persistence (or stalking) and for admitting that the first date sucked and that he would like to try again.  Out we did go and he left the Basset Hound persona behind.  He was fun, charming, flirty – all the things you want on a date.  After having a good time playing pool, we leave the bar and are going to go to another location when he planted a kiss on me that surprised the hell out of me – in a good way.  I never in my life expected the Basset Hound to kiss like that!  Needless to say, it was a much better experience than the first one and he closed the deal and we are going out again.  Completely took me by surprise in such a good way and that has not happened to me in a long time. 
-         The new job is great and am really enjoying the change.  Great team and boss have done wonders to my outlook. 

So that is me to you in a nutshell.  Still figuring this single again, getting divorced, dating, moving forward life of mine out but am now enjoying the process a lot more.  Life these past few months has been an eye opener for sure but in the end, my life will be better and I am all for better these days. 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


It seems that 2010 is the year that kicked my ass as well as the year that has changed everything for me.  I have changed my marital status, my address, my commute to work (twice – but more on that later) and my perspective.   There was a point at the start of all of the changes that I wanted it all to stop and change back to the way it used to be but I have learned that there is no stopping the tide of change.  As they say, you either roll with the change or it will roll over you. 

So change I did – on many fronts but the most exciting and current is my job change.  Earlier this year, the work girls and I had sat around and said what were the industries that we had not worked in that we would like to try for our next job.  I said banking – for really no particular reason other than it always seemed interesting to me.  Also, because in my city, the major banks head offices are all in the heart of the city and I was in a job whose head office was located deep in suburbia.  I am at my heart a city girl not meant to live in the suburbs.  We finish our lunch and I never gave our conversation another thought. 

Fast forward to June and a friend who is looking for a job is on a job site and sees a posting for a position she thinks is tailor-made for me.  She calls me to see if I am interested and my stock answer is I am always interested – then she sends me the posting and lo and behold it is for a position with a bank.  So I give my resume a little spit and polish, whip up a cover letter and send it off.  I fully expected this to be a ‘gotta do our due diligence and post this but we have a great internal candidate’ position and lo and behold the bank’s HR department called me.  We have the standard HR chat and then I do not hear from them for almost 3 weeks.  I am now convinced that they just had to go through the motions and have given the job to an internal candidate.  Then one day – WHAM – they called and we scheduled a face-to-face with the person to whom I would be reporting if I got the job as well as HR.  I go and it is a good conversation and I feel very positive about it, send my thank you note and wait to hear from them.  2 more weeks go by and nothing…At this point, I have a full plate of stuff from my current job and am not really worried about it but just want to get it over with one way or the other.  Then I get the call for the 3rd interview – and this one would be with the department VP as well as the person who had the position before me.  And this interview is….different.  I cannot get a read on whether I am giving the right answers, wrong answers, have pissed them off or impressed them.  For the 2nd time in my life I walk out of an interview and have no idea if I got the job or not.  I go home, pour myself a large glass of wine and play trucks with my nephew.  I was supposed to hear by the end of the week and hear nothing – am convinced that I do not have the job.  Large quantities of wine are consumed again.

4pm on a Monday afternoon and my cell phone rings – it is the bank calling and wanting to book an appointment to discuss my meetings.  Now is good for me I tell them – convinced that they had called the winning candidate already and were just getting around to those who did not get the job.  We discuss my interview and then they tell me that lo and behold the job is mine.  NO EFFING WAY is what I want to yell but manage to keep my composure.  I do however, almost fall off of the chair but again, manage to keep my ass on the chair – but just barely. 

We chat, discuss the offer and other details and they send me a package of info for me to read and use a resource to make my decision.  4 days later, in the midst of packing up my old life at my old house and with a brown dog’s head in my lap, I call the bank and accept their offer.  3 weeks later I started at my new job – at a bank.   And if all that wasn’t good enough – after I gave my resignation serendipity kicked in and revealed to me that this was the right decision for me to make and I didn’t have to wait 1, 5 or 10 years to learn that I made the right decision.  So here I am, at my new job, with new colleagues and a new commute and am very happy with my decision.  I am so glad that I decided to roll with the change and see where I ended up.  And this time, I ended up exactly where I should be.  Yay for me!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Getting divorced is a very weird thing.  In the beginning you never think you will feel normal again and you feel as if you are living in some weird bubble state where everything you love is being held just out of your reach.  You feel so disconnected from what was your life and all that you held dear and the only thing this feels real is the overwhelming, crushing sadness and fear that blanket you each and every day. 

After a while, you get some distance and you start to feel your way back to you – almost like your nerves regenerating after a serious injury.  You go about your business every day, going through the motions yet it in many ways, you feel like a you need to re-learn everything about your life again.  You need to relearn how to go about your life as a me not a we.  It all feels so odd but you feel good because you can see your progress and anything feels better than the blanket of sadness you were wearing.

At some point, you realize that you will be OK.  You have moved forward enough that the paperwork that you have to do to end your marriage doesn’t scare you anymore so you do it.  You know that you have to make big decisions about your life, on your own but you know that you can and you will.  You know that you need to get out and meet new people and expand your circle of friends so you make steps to do that.  And finally you realize that you liked being married, part of a we and that you were good at it and want that again so you prepare yourself for the next phase of your life – single and dating. 

But then, as you realize that the day is coming closer when the legalities will be all done and all that you cherished is no longer within your grasp – you have this overwhelming feeling of melancholy hit you and it takes your breath away because you thought you were past this.  You thought you have moved on enough that maybe, just maybe you had moved past those feelings and had moved into the new me part of your life and all would be shiny, new and happy.  All you can think at this point is "Damn, I thought I was past this".

But I realized today that all of those feelings coexist together – happy and sad, excited and scared – and it is OK.  Maybe the only way to get through this is when I wake up say to myself – “Today I feel….” and just accept that it is OK to be sad or lonely or depressed or happy or excited or scared or any combination of those or different emotions on any given day as long as I don’t let myself wallow in sadness or cover up a part of me under a blanket of fake happiness.  So today I am sad that my marriage is ending and that I will never again be Wilson’s wife and that we will not grow old together as I had dreamed.  This is how I feel today…tomorrow, who knows.    And in someway, accepting this has made it easier.   And today, I will take anything that makes this journey easier.   

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


This journey of mine has been an experience to say the least - but one that has taught me a lot so far.  The one thing that it has taught me is that I am a very lucky girl.  Am lucky to have such amazing friends - both in person and virtually.  So many people have reached out to and touched me in ways that they will never know the profound effect it had on my life.  To have the support of such amazing friends has been so wonderful that there are really no words to express my gratitude.  You may never know what your support has meant to me but I am here to tell you that I would not be here if it wasn't for it.  To know that many people have circled around you, hands outstretched to help you in any way that they can is truly an amazing feeling.  I sit here and say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

I am about to make a job change - and it feels good.  It is back in the city, in an industry in which I have never worked, and I am excited about the fresh start.  It feels like my life is my own again - and I have to say that it feels really damn good.  

So Internet, my dear, dear friend - let's all hold hands and jump into the next chapter together.  I'm ready if you are and I can't wait!


Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Much has happened in DiDi divorce land - all my paperwork has been submitted to my lawyer and that means that Wilson and I will be officially separated very soon.  There was a time not so long ago that typing that line would have sent me into a corner, rocking back and forth and wailing like there was no tomorrow.  Now I type that line and am filled with hope and anticipation.  Hope for the next chapter of my life - whatever that maybe and anticipation of my home that will be all my own.  I can feel the excitement growing in me just thinking about paint colours and arranging my furniture.  Also - I have the nervous but excited tingles in my stomach about finding romance again. 

It seems that time has marched on but in the wake of all of this I have figured out that I will be OK.  And Internet - I have to tell, that feels really damn good!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


So I went on my first date in 8 years.  That's right - 8 YEARS!!!   I cannot believe that it has been that long since I started dating Wilson and no one else.  Part of me just wants to meet the next person that I will be with ASAP so that I do not have to do this dating thing again - because seriously, who wants to date anyway.  In many ways dating is like a visit to the gynecologist - intensely personal and yet not, you expose yourself in some ways and cover up other parts of yourself up.  I have never been a big fan of dating, never did it very well and find it a huge pain in the ass in oh so many ways. 

Anyhoo - out on a date I did go and well...let's just say it was meh.  He is a nice guy but told me waaaayy too much about his life, his ugly, ugly divorce, the parental aliention that is going on with his kids and how he needs to take medication to sleep.  I know that it has been awhile since I have been out on a date but I really didn't think that I should know that kind of stuff within 30 minutes of meeting him.  He is a nice guy but he wants a RELATIONSHIP and I am so not there.  I want to meet some new people, have some fun and not take everything so damn seriously for a while. 

So I am doing my best to embrace dating and instead of hating every minute of it.  I am going to try to appreciate this process and time in my life for the new opportunities and people that I will meet (please remind me of this when the I hate dating posts begin) Also another benefit - think of the blog fodder chronicalling all of my bad, not so bad and fun dates. 

Saturday, August 21, 2010


So my goal with the divorce was not to turn this blog into a place of whining, bitching and moaning about how sad/desperate/lonely my life now is - you know the usual divorce blah, blah, blah.  Except the thing that I forgot about with this blog is this is where I get those thoughts out of my head that go round and round.  I would come here, write about whatever was running around in my brain, and then go off and do something useful with my day. 

So while I will try to not whine - I have found that I need to come back here and get something thoughts out of my head and then maybe, just maybe some other thoughts will come in and take their place.  I have had some moments where I have realized how much I have grown since Wilson and I have started dating oh so long ago.  I was so grateful then to have met a great guy, who had his shit together it seemed and who wanted to be with me.  I recognize now, that I used to give him all or most of the credit for accomplishments in my life - paying of tax debt, saving for retirement, owning our home, etc; that he was my rescuer.  I have since realized that I rescued me - with his help and support but I did the work.  I dug myself out my financial mess, dusted myself off, saved my money, cleaned out my emotional baggage and became stronger along the way.  That strength has come in very handy since the whole situation started. 

I find though, that the hardest part of all of this is that I have lost my friend Wilson along with my husband Wilson.  I miss the conversations, the discussions, his different perspective.  I have other amazing friends that have truly been there and are always available to share their perspective, advice, opintion - all of which I value but right not, it is not the same.  I know that this will fade in time and it has to some extent - but there are days, and today is one of them, that I miss talking to him.  Wine seems to help a lot with this one - in fact, wine helps with much of the divorce journey.

Eventually, some day, in the future I do want to get to the place where, as Elizabeth Gilbert says in Eat Pray Love that everytime I think of him, I will send him light and love.  For the record - I am so not there yet.  All I want for him right now is for him to die alone, thinking of me, wishing that he had never let me go and knowing that I am thin, happy, married to a lovely, wealthy man with whom I travel the world and who never bitches about how many pair of shoes I buy.  Sooooo - still a long way from sending him light and love - but hopefully it will come some day.  And if not - that is OK too. 

So those are the thoughts that I needed to get out of my head for today.  Thanks Internet for letting me dump these on you - it really helped.  I will try not to dump to much but thanks for being there.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Mad Men premieres this Sunday after making us wait far too long for more Don!  There are not words to express my love for Don Draper.  I know that he is a bad man, a cheater, a liar - not nice to women, blah blah blah.  However - I DO NOT CARE! 

However dear Internet, I have a problem.  I have left my former home which carried AMC on our cable supplier and it was also available on demand - and have moved in with family until this divorce mess gets settled and I can find my own mortgage to pay.  Here is the bad news part - my families cable provider does not carry AMC!  ACK!!!  HOW AM I TO GO WITHOUT MY DON?  Better yet - how will HE survive without me?  My only hope is that iTunes will carry Season 4, episode by episode - otherwise Internet, I am coming over to your house on Sunday nights around 9:45 pm to watch.  All I ask is that you only talk to me on the commercials. 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Dear Internets
I am still here - but just don't want to turn this place of fun and frivolity into a dark place filled with whining and talk of divorce.  I am kind of creatively stunted right now but I know that once the final bits and pieces of this process fall into place, it will all come back. 
I am reading you all still and will be back with new stories of my single (again) life, dating after 40 and sharing a dog with an ex-husband (I cannot give that brown face up! -- Arthur's that is).  Wilson was a huge part of my life and I need to figure out how to fill up the space that he took up with other good things and will share those adventures with you.
Will update more once the creative juices start flowing!  Know that I miss you all dear internets - more than you know!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


I am down 12 pounds!  As far as I can tell, this is the only upside to starting separation and divorce proceedings but I will take it.  I have not been on a date in 8 effing years but I do remember that looking good does help you get 2nd dates.  Having a damn spare tire and a flabby ass do not help in that catagory so the fact that they are disappearing does help my battered ego. 

And another good thing - since I didn't get rid of some of my favourite clothes from 2 years ago when I could fit into them, it is like I have new clothes again...without having to go shopping and spend money that is now earmarked for a lawyer. 

12 pounds down - here is hoping another 10 pounds to go!  Bring on the skinny jeans!

Friday, April 09, 2010


Just when I was feeling my worst – unpretty, unlovable, un-everything (it was an excellent pity party - remind to invite you next time!) – I tell a friend in the office of my current situation as I have to change Wilson as my beneficiary on everything and she tells me that she is in the process of divorcing her husband as well and their situation is VERY ugly filled with restraining orders, police visits, lawyers, lawyers and more lawyers. This is when I realized that I need to be grateful – just because my marriage is coming to an end – I do not have to worry about my safety EVER!

I realized that while this may not be what I want and am worried about the future and how I will afford all the bills that are going to be coming my way, dating after 40 and all those normal post divorce things – I am not worried for my safety. I know that I will survive this and come out the other side OK. I know that I will figure it all out, with the help of amazing friends and family, and I will be OK – better than OK.

Life is messy – but it is the mess and the cleaning up of the mess that shows you what you are made of and how strong you can be. So far today I haven’t cried at work – and that is a victory!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010


So as previously mentioned, I am at this moment, only technically married to Wilson - and just writing that sentence is surreal to me.  He has been such a huge part of my life for 8 years that I can't really comprehend that we will not be growing old together. 

The process has started - lawyers, real estate assesments, financial discussions, Arthur discussions and we are being very mature about things (so far), but still I am overwhelmed at times with memories, what-would have been wishes and dreams.  And to tell you the truth - that really sucks!

I do know that the next phase of my life is all about me and that is REALLY hard to comprehend.  Having been a 'we' for so long, being back to 'me' is seemingly unfathomable right now.  I am trying not to get overwhelmed by the massive amount of changes that are a-coming but right now I feel like I am lost on a raft in the ocean being buffeted by very large waves. 

However, I have learned one thing in this process - I really liked being someone's wife and hope with all of my badly bruised heart that it will happen again.  Right now I am trying to take the words of Dr. Seuss to heart - Don't cry because it is over, Smile because it happened. 

Still - should anyone want to come and kick Wilson in the shin for me, I wouldn't say no!

Sunday, April 04, 2010


Hello old friend - it has been a while. I had many posts started and then everything changed over here in Sorority land.  It seems that while I was happily married to Wilson, Wilson was not so happily married to me.  I am not sure how I got here but here is where I am - broken hearted with a broken marriage.  

I thought that I did it right - waited until I found a good guy, fell in love and then got married.  To me, this was for life and no matter what I thought we could handle anything.  I thought that Wilson felt the same way - but it seems that I thought wrong.  

So here I am - not sure how I got here and right now the view sucks but here is hoping that it all gets better soon!