NON BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND

So the Practice Date and I have continued to hang out and have some fun.  We have had lots of good conversation mixed with some really great kisses.  I think we are just very casual and taking it date by date.  He on the other hand is a discusser of things - most particularly us and our situation.  Shortly after our 5th or 6th date - he gives me the face and then says "so what is this thing we have going on here?"  Cue stroke/heart attack and a bad case of the cold sweats. 

On about our 3rd date, I made it very clear that I was not looking for a relationship, boyfriend or anything serious.  I am barely 7 months out of a long term relationship/marriage and just trying to figure out how to date and not be someone's someone right away.  I am a girl who just wants to have some fun and if that fun also includes time with a cute boy - I am VERY ok with that.  However, please do not use the word boyfriend, relationship or anything else that smacks of something that will end in some kind of ugly manner.  And please oh please do not use the dreaded g word (ACK - girlfriend) to describe me to your friends.  Been there, done that and am paying the legal bills for it. 

However, Practice Date boy likes to talk about things.  He is one of those upfront, out in the open boys that I always thought were an urban myth.  He just wants to understand what I want from him - because for a no strings attached, no commitment, nothing really to deep affair, we are spending a fair amount of time together and he is confused.  Damn him and his ability to communicate.  Why can't he just leave this shiz under the rug as we WASPy folks tend to do.  Why can't he let me be all contradictory (don't want any strings but like your company and make plans with you)- I do it in a very cute and charming way.  Instead we end up discussing it and my freaked feelings regarding relationships at this moment in my life.  Praise Jebus that he cute and funny otherwise I would have run for the hills faster than an out of shape girl really should.  So we talk and talk - and pretty much end up in the same place but it is all out in the open and one of us feels better for the conversation (hint - this person is not me!).  He seems to be OK with where I am and likes spending time with me - and is willing so far to leave the labels out of the equation.  Again, the cute and fun seriously weighs in his favour here. 

It has taken me time and a lot of effort but I have managed to glue the shattered pieces of my heart back together - but the glue is still wet and my heart - well she is still very fragile.  Risking this carefully glued-back-together heart on a 'serious' romance scares me more than I can say.  However, I have learned this year to never say never and stay open to the possibility of anything so here I stand, at the edge of the cliff but just don't have the faith yet that my chute will open and it will all be OK. 

So here I am - scared shitless of this cute, funny boy, with his 2 kids, mixed up crazy life and his talkative ways who wants to be my non boyfriend boyfriend.  And just between you and me internet - I am having a really great time.