TODAY...NOT SO GOOD

Not fond of Today
I am feeling that today is going to just mediocre. ReRe not at work today to amuse me; Mellie's cat, Stumpy (just one of his many nicknames - Floo, Tripod (courtesy of Wilson), That Cat or The Reason I Can't Breathe at Mellie's House - ReRe) is very ill and as such she may not make our next Sorority Meeting - today seems kind of meh!

However, tomorrow is will be a joyous day as the Sorority will be together in its entirety!!! DiDi, ReRe, Mellie and JuJube - provided that Stumpy is better!!! There will be much hilarity, wine and minutes! I love Sorority nights!

Stay tuned for next Sorority post - it will be a good one!!

DiDi

EVERYBODY NEEDS A ReRe

Since this is our blog and I am the updater, I think that everyone should know the members of the sorority. As previously mentioned, we are the Charlie's Angel's of sororities and ReRe is our brunette.

It seems so long ago that ReRe came to work at the same place as me and life has never been the same. She sat on the other side of the wall and she thought I was fun because my row was all guys and we laughed all day (it was the best sexual harassment I have ever had).

Before ReRe came, I was the only 'crazy/loud' person on the floor. Thank God she finally arrived or I was going to die a death of being appropriate and business-like. Heaven forbid!!! Hard as it is to believe now, when ReRe started she was Little Miss Keener. In fact, in a one-on-one with our boss, I was told how refreshing it was to have ReRe and her newness as she was all excited to do ANY project and I was all cynical and "Do I really have to do that boring job for that boring person?". Knowing ReRe as I do now, it amazes me that she managed to hide her cynical side as long as she did.

Some of my favourite ReRe moments, in fact all of them, involve her innate ability to be snarky and quick with a comeback. Moments that I love are (in no particular order):

• when our VP of Marketing sat down in front of her to explain the changes in the department and the promoting of our new boss suitably dubbed 'Fat Ass', ReRe's remark was to the VP who said to her it was a hard day for him, ReRe said "Why did you get demoted today too?"
• In a performance review with above-mentioned Fat Ass, ReRe has been known to remark when Fat Ass said that people find it difficult to work with her "People or you". I love that she said that!
• that ReRe loves the Burberry and Chanel as much as I do when all we can afford is the fake stuff (secretly we love the fake stuff a lot as we can own so much more of it)
• she loves shoes as much as I do. She will stare at shoes in the windows of stores and say "Hello Lover" with me
• there are so many ReReisms that if I listed them all, this blog would be a new record in length

ReRe is an great mom to her funny, smart, amazing kids. In fact, she is a true blue, born in Winnipeg, Jewish mom. She cooks large quantities of food, feels guilt over everything and threw her son a Bar Mitzvah. For a Jewish girl she loves Christmas more than anyone I know. Mellie gave her much joy this year when she gave her her Christmas present in a stocking - giving her her most desired goy tradition. Mellie and I hope, for ReRe's sake that one of her kids marries a goy and then she will get Christmas - at least by proxy.

There is so much more to say about our ReRe - how much she loves tank tops and cardies; how she will tell you if your hair scary red (as in it will scare small children it is so red); she is the best person to have on your side if your go through a crisis (like your boyfriend breaks up with you); she is the only girlfriend I have who Wilson could say he had a dream about (they almost did it in the dream) and it doesn't bother me (OK it did a little bit - especially after Wilson kept rubbing it in and calling her his dream girlfriend) and she loves wine A LOT!

ReRe had the balls to leave an unhappy marriage and make a better, more happy life for herself and her kids. She writes like no one's business (especially Sorority minutes) and has the fastest sense of humour of anyone that we know.

Her boyfriend iPod man is one lucky guy. ReRe is the perfect girl for him and Mellie and I want a long future for them.

Everyone needs a ReRe in their life - someone to give your perspective when yours is gone; someone to make you laugh when you think that you can't; someone who will always be a great friend. Mellie and I love her and now the Internet knows why.

DiDi

THE RULES OF SHOES

As a member of The Sorority, it is a must that you LOVE shoes. Not just the "aren't these cute I got them on sale' type love. But the kind of love that makes you walk up to the window of your favourite shoe store and say "Hello Lover" to the pretty shoes in the window. The kind of love that makes you look at a women's shoes and decide on the spot you like her just because her shoes are really nice.

Shoe love is like no other - it can squeeze, hurt, pinch and just generally cause great pain and we come back for more - as fast as possible. It is the only love around that when you buy a beautiful pair of shoes and they hurt your feet, that you don't care because your feet look so damn good! So for all of you shoe lovers out there, here is your shoe pledge of the season. Say it loud and proud fellow shoe-a-holics - you are among sisters!!!

Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet
look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally... I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

DiDi

EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW OUR MELLIE

If you read my posts and so far only ReRe, Wilson, Paul and Mellie are the readers - you would know that the members of our sorority are DiDi, ReRe and Mellie. We are the Charlie's Angels of Sororities - blond, brunette and redhead.

Our blonde is Mellie - the youngest of us all. When Mellie first started at our place of employment - she was little Miss Keener-pants and was always busy with work and meetings and thought it was all GREAT! This of course made ReRe and I suspicious as we are VERY cynical of Keener-pants people. However our Mellie won us over almost right away mostly because she laughed lots and almost as loud as me and ReRe. Then she came to be in the same group as ReRe and me working for a man we dubbed 'Fat Ass'. At that point she joined ReRe and me in the small but elite club of 'Slackers Extrordinaires' and we welcomed her with open arms.

Our Mellie is famous for many things - a) the fact that she wanted to get to know ReRe better to call her ReRe; b) that she let us call her Mellie right away; c) that she is famous for her 'Mellie-isms' like "Fuck me up the ass and call me Charlie", "Mr Last-minute Pants" and so so much more; d) that she had so many work boyfriends we lost count - including Ken and Louis who were so bothered by her leaving that Louis is quoted as saying to ReRe "I love my wife but I lurve Mellie"; and finally e) that when Mellie decided to work for Fat Ass no longer, she would depart for for job interviews and have a leave-behind coat and purse in her cube so that no one would know that she had left the building. Mellie is famous for her 'accidents' that she seems only to have in Benetton, Banana Republic and Holts. These accidents involve the spending of a paycheque (or 2) on lovely clothes which make ReRe and I very envious. Our favourite accident of hers is spending copious amounts of money on a pair of secondhand Chanel shoes (which fit me thankfully). For these reasons and so much more - we adore her!

Mellie is the only girl we know who is under the age that we allow for close friends and we still let her in cuz she is so cool. She had the balls to leave a safe, moderately cushy and comfy gig for a job in sales for a company that just formed a brand new division. She kicked ass in her first year and still managed to be a fantastic daughter, girlfriend and friend.

Her fiance Jewemy is one lucky guy to have such a woman beside him for the rest of his life. Their wedding will be a future post never fear - complete with minutes and photos.

Everyone should be as lucky as ReRe and me and have a delighful, funny, loud, crazy, shopaholic, smart, ballsy and gorgeous friend like we do. We love you Mellie -even though ReRe can't wear her pretty black dress at your wedding.

DiDi

WELCOME TO PASSOVER - ReRe HOSTS GOYIM AT HOUSE FOR PESACH

It is Passover and all must eat beige food - it is tradition! ReRe decided to host the first night of Passover at her house and provide all of her Goyim friends with a seder. However to assist with the Jew to Goyim ratio, her Aunt and Uncle also attended and amused all.

Here are some of the evening's hightlights:

Long discussion ensued of Jewemy being a long lost Jew trapped in a Waspy McWasp body

• DiDi shows Mellie her new Burberry headband (the cost per wear is now in single digits) and Mellie approves
• All WILDLY impressed with ReRe's Jew abilities
• Said Jew abilities include: a) innate ability to cook WAY too much food; b) ability to ignore usual health obsessions and happily serve meal with 5 carbohydrates; c) knowledge of extensive library of Hebrew songs; d) shameless willingness to sing said Hebrew songs (often solo) in front of all; e) thorough knowledge of Seder rituals
  f) ability to answer all manner of questions regarding seemingly pointless and highly unusual Jew rituals; g) and, most notably, highly impressive shofar blowing skills
• All goys participated in strange Jew rituals with great gusto
• Several goys unsure what to make of gefilte fish
• Some goys surprised to find gefilte fish served cold
• Some goys opted for salad, trying to create illusion of having eaten gefilte fish
• Some goys gave gefilte fish directly to iPod man (Jew), dispensing with any illusions of eating gefilte fish
• Some wise goys with previous Jew/seder experience opted out of gefilte fish from the get-go
• Many goys unappreciative of cost of gefilte fish = $3.75 per piece
• Several goys perplexed by inclusion of apple kugel as side dish
• In spite of said side dish confusion all enjoyed beige food
• Both Jews and goys questioned absence of vegetables
• Both Jews and goys questioned irrational kugel quantities
• Goys played small-town-Ontario-Goy version of Jewish geography with surprising success
• Mellie (goy) posed many discussion-provoking questions regarding various Jew customs
• Discussions arising from said questions include:
  - advantages of crew vs. turtle
  - several (sometimes awkward) mentions of smegma
  - why does DiDi (goy) know more about the story of Passover than all Jews at table
  - various theories around kosher laws, most notably theory of no pork eating due to Absalom falling in pit of pigs (courtesy of urgent call to kosher experts of Chatham, Ontario)
  - and finally ReRe's (Jew) recital of lovely ditty featuring lyrics - "All the animals that we eat must chew their cud and have split feet" (popular party tune)
• Murray (Jew) disappointed to learn of Mellie's engagement; somehow must have missed the skating rink, perhaps blinded by blond shiksa beauty
• Murray un-phased by Mellie's engagement; proceeded with shameless flirtation to amusement of all
• Mellie (goy) shares ReRe's (Jew) natural shofar blowing ability
• Shofar blowing women deemed extremely hot
• For reasons unknown Mellie (goy) chose to wear shofar as horn (as per its original use?)
• Photo of above to be circulated via subsequent email
• Additional photos to be circulated include:
  - goys wearing kippahs (hair on which to clip kippah not required)
  - goys eating gefilte fish
  - goys blowing shofar (in addition to wearing shofar)
  - Goys (understandably) perplexed by Manischewitz wine
  - Goys (understandably) perplexed by fruit jellies
  - Jews (except iPod man) also perplexed by fruit jellies
  - Jews (except iPod man) also perplexed by Manischewitz wine
• Jews anxious to be invited to Easter egg hunts, Christmas (with stockings) etc.
• Fun time had by all, as always
• Must get sorority together again soon!

Additional Jew/Passover questions from Mellie

Q. What do you call a non-Jewish boy?
A. Non Jews are referred to as Goy for 1 or in the plural Goyim.

Q. What is the difference between a 'goy' and a 'shiksa'?
A goy is a non Jewish person and goyim refers to more than one non Jew. Goy is a gender neutral term. Women can also be referred to as 'shiksas' and men as 'shagitz'.

Q. What is passover?
A. During the time of Pharoah, the Jews were held as slaves and made to make bricks which were used to build the pyramids (yes those pyramids). Moses, back from his time in the desert with Jethro (seriously his father-in-law's name was Jethro) comes back to free his people from their bondage to Pharoah. Pharoah says no MANY times until Moses (with a little bit of help from The Almighty) brings out the big guns and says if you don't free my people (insert Charlton Heston voice and say "Let my people go!") your first born son will die. Moses alerts the Jews and in order for their children to not die, they have to put the blood of the lamb on their doorway so that the Angel of Death knows to 'Pass over' their houses. The above was learned courtesy of Christian Sunday School and many viewings of the movie 'The 10 Commandments'.

Q. Have you read the DaVinci code and what is your opinion on it?
A. ReRe - has not read and has no opinion. DiDi will loan ReRe her copy and DiDi liked the book and is looking forward to the movie. ReRe probably will not like said book as it does not include any freaks, Siamese twins or sadistic murders.

Q. How can ReRe's mom be a rabbi and still be a girl?
A. A rabbi is not a priest. They are allowed to marry, have children etc. There are different branches of Judaism. The Reform branch of Judaism allow women to be rabbis and everything. Other branches are much more traditional and really aren't all that fond of this practice.

Q. Why are there 2 nights of Seder?
A. Once the Jews were in the desert (and Moses refused to ask for directions) all was very confusing. There were so many Jews and only one Shofar horn so it was hard to hear when the horn was blown so a 2nd day was added so that everyone would get to have Passover. It also means that once you are married you don't have to have the "which house are we supposed to go to this year discussion" as the goyim do around Christmas.

Q. Who is God and how did he come to be?
A. There is only one God - he is the same being whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc. Not sure how he came to be but he has a good gig.

Q. Who is this David character we hear about and why does he have his own star?
A. David is King of the Jews and it seems that someone somewhere thought he deserved his own star. Hmm - wonder if Liz has her own star???

Q. What is the party for a baby girl?
A. A baby girl has a 'baby naming' ceremony where she receives her Hebrew name. There is a rabbi, family, friends and lots of beige food. Do you sense a theme to the Jewish gathering?

Q. Why circumcise?
A. No one at the table had a answer - cleanliness was thought but when searching the web I found a pile of answer which are waaay to boring for this site. So it comes to this - apparently it was thought to be unpure so off it goes. Personally - I don't mind. I realize that I am in the minority but anything that comes with its own purse is attractive to me.

Q. Is anything like that done to baby girls?
A. NO! EEEEWWWWWWW!!!!

Q. What is with the no split-toed meats?
A. ReRe has a song that explains everything - here goes:

All the animals that we eat
Must chew their cud and have split feet
Cause kosher meet just can’t be beat
So throw away your ham.

Take your ham and take your bacon
I won’t eat it you’re mistaken
I’m a Jew and I’m not fakin’
Give me kosher meat to eat.

This was sung a couple (OK many) times by ReRe during the evening - as only she knows the words. HI.LAR.IOUS!!!

According to the book "Your Neighbour is a Jew" which oddly enough DiDi owns here the list of what you can and cannot eat if you keep kosher!

- 4 legged mammals allowed only if they chew their cud and have cleft hooves
- Includes bovines but excludes rabbits (which don't chew cud) or horses (which have single hooves). Really, who could eat Black Beauty anyhow...
- Camel flesh is prohibited (damn, we were going to eat that over Easter this year) and so is the pig in all forms
- rapacious animals and carrion feeders are also forbidden as are reptiles, amphibians and sea creatures like oysters, crab and shrimp. (ReRe - that was a damn fine Christmas meal you made of forbidden shrimp. Love those forbidden shrimp!!!)
- Fish are permitted but they must have fins and scales (alas not catfish for you kosher kids)
- Birds are apparently permitted - except for the biblical list of predators and those that eat the dead flesh - see local rabbi for the all knowing biblical list.

Apparently these basic laws of keeping kosher are found in the Bible - but since it is not on my current reading list, who knew?

Q. What is Jesus to you?
A. To a Jew, he is a confused Jewish boy in need of therapy as he had a God complex and delusional. Paxil would have helped him out a lot. If you believe the DaVinci Code, he got a lot of action with Mary Magdalene and had some kids. How screwed up would they be when they trace their family tree and find out the 'son of God' is a relative. How do you live up to that?!!!?

Q. Why are all Jewish men lawyers? (doctors, bankers, or other professions that involve making large sums of money)
A. It is a conspiracy!

Q. Is the term 'JEW' derogatory?
A. Not if used a in a sentence like 'Are you a Jew?'. If used in a sentence like 'Are you a dirty Jew?" then yes, derogatory.

Q. Can we join you at the synagogue?
A. Yes but are you sure that you want to. Your typical Shabbut service is 4 hours in length and has a lot of mumbling in Hebrew. Best to attend with a synagogue member.

Q. Can we try Judaisim?
A. It is not like a pair of pretty secondhand Chanel shoes that can be put on or off. You are born into the faith or can convert a la Charlotte. See previous question for attending your local shul for a test run.

WE'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!

WE'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY - OR SO I LIKE TO THINK

My beloved oldest brother sent this to me - he thinks he is SOOO funny. It is an actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article on how to be a good wife. Thank God for the feminists before me who made it so we no longer have to be these women. We've come a long way - from 1955 and still have a long way to go!!!

Wilson, if you read this, know that this will never happen in our house!

The article read as follows:

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are especially hungry when they come home and having a meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay (no Wilson this does not mean girl-on-girl action) and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper,etc and run a dustcloth over the tables.
• Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a wam smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late, goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be home and relax.
• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he is home late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

DiDi

RAKING=UNSIGHTLY HAND SORES

Well another weekend has come and gone and I have the unsightly hand sores to prove it. Friday was a fun dinner party with good friends - Eggsy and his girlfriend "The Young'n", R & R, Toddie-san, Wilson and DiDi. I now have a six-pack stomach from the laughter that ensued that evening. For the record - the meal rocked. Mexican spiced pork tenderloin, vegetarian enchiladas, salad and the piece de resistance - Lemon Meringue Cake. That's right ladies and gents - I baked a cake!!!! Much and I do mean much wine was consumed and fun was had by all - at least Wilson and I had fun! Welcome back to Canada Toddie-san.

Saturday involved copious sleeping and watching King King. My movie rating was mediocre at best - could have done without the giant bug scenes in the movie.

Sunday - put on my Super Girlfriend cape and began my day. Wilson needed to sleep more so I walked Maggie on a bee-you-ti-fulll Sunday morning. She was very kind and slept in for me - sleeping in for Maggie is 7:00 am. Got back and realized that we needed groceries - put on the cape and went to the grocery store and our neighbourhood butcher all while Wilson and Maggie slept. You can see why the cape is needed when you are being Super Girlfriend - not only is it slimming, it is aerodynamic as well and helps you move faster.

We decided to channel our inner gardener and rake our VERY large front lawn. Raking large lawn = unsightly hand sores. Wilson did the heavy lifting on that one but I was right there too. We then raked the leaves off the back garden but did not have any more energy to rake the VERY large back lawn. Back lawn raking = much more work. The rakers were tired.

Had lovely dinner together and watched Proof - Loved it even though it involved math. Math and DiDi do not mix but Wilson and his love of math explained it to me. He can do Calculus in his head, which is freaky to me but he is very cute.

Lovely weekend together all in all. Now back at the office and am looking forward to a long weekend. The next posts should be amusing as it will involve Goy-seder at ReRe's house and a visit to the 'Rents. Stay tuned!

WELCOME BACK TO COHABITATION

It is official - I am moving back in with Wilson.

Yes I know he broke my heart last year and yes I know that I moved out and yes I know that I said that I wouldn't move back in until there is a ring on my finger. However, don't judge me!

Fact 1 - We are in a much better place than we have been in a while. All is well in DiDi and Wilson land.
Fact 2 - We will tie the knot eventually - he knows it is important to me
Fact 3 - I am never at my apartment anyway and Maggie has NEVER liked it
Fact 4 - It is a lot of money I am spending in rent for nothing
Fact 5 - I am not contributing to the running of Steve's household (ie 1/2 the mortgage and other bills) until said engagement. I only purchase pretty shoes, nice purses, groceries and the all important red wine
Fact 6 - Maggie voted and she never wanted to leave Wilson or the back yard in the first place.
Fact 7 - I love him to pieces

Weighing the above evidence, we decided that I should give notice. It was a little scary but I still feel good about it.

Back in the land of co-habitating. It was like I never left!

DiDi

APRIL FOOLS DAY ALMOST EQUALLED MURGER...or at least a severe beating

Happy Monday all! Hope that everyone had a good weekend - we did. Wilson very nearly was murdered by yours truly and let me tell you.

Saturday was April Fools Day but Wilson was out of the house at the crack of stupid to help a friend renovate their spare bedroom. Do not see his handsome face all day which is fine as I have my own VERY FULL agenda.

Here is my day

8:15 - leave house at same time as Wilson with Maggie the Wonder Dog in tow. We go to Loblaws and get food for our lovely home!

9:20 - Arrive back home, madly putting above-mentioned groceries away so that I can head to my Mani/Pedi appt at Cozy Nails. They give free chocolate, smoothies and have the Sharper Image massage chairs for you to sit in while they scrape the dead skin off your feet! Imagine the joy and heavenly pleasures of the chair massaging you at the same time as a pedi while you drink a smoothie and eat chocolate. I am a much nicer person there! REALLY, I AM!!!

11:15 - Leave Heaven (a.k.a. as Cozy Nails) and go to the other Heaven (a.k.a. Holt Renfrew) and walk into the shoe department. I am standing in front of the Prada pumps when ReRe calls. It is fate! Spend time drooling over Prada, Miu Mius, find the Burberry Wellies (loving them even though they are totally frivolous) and then find the prettiest pair of Kate Spade summer sandals on this earth. Drool until asked to leave the department by sales person who slipped on said drool. Mental note - call lawyer as I am sure I will be sued.

11:30 - Go to Burberry - I do love the plaid. Touch everything and somehow manage to keep drool under control. Purchase a bit of the plaid - a headband that cost the earth but who cares. It goes with everything!

12:00 - Go to Pottery Barn and buy new lamp shade and baskets for Wilson's house. I have the Super Girlfriend cape on (it is very slimming). Stop by my apartment and retrieve purses and a few other things

12:30 - Leave mall and go to butcher to buy our meat for the week. Get new nickname by the guys in the store - 'Sports Centre' as I am a tiny bit of a freak about football. For all that I know, still can't win at Proline!

1:00 - Arrive home and kiss Maggie the Wonder Dog! Watch her do her yoga while peeing on front lawn and we go in. I unload my purchases and begin my many afternoon activites.

1:15 - Make low fat spinach dip, make white cheddar cheese dip (both of these involve a lot of chopping, grating, etc. A LOT OF MANUAL LABOUR INVOLVED!) Put new lamp shade on, arrange artwork, but baskets in and organize all items in baskets, tidy house, walk dog, have shower and make look pretty so that when Wilson comes in he does not see the harried and smelly DiDi - he sees serene and pretty DiDi who is secretly exhausted.

5:30 - Finished all of the above and want to sleep

5:35- Wilson calls - on his way home be there shortly

6:10 - Wilson walks in door, sees steaks on counter and all other items.

6:15 - Wilson has shower as he is dirty (and not the good way) and slightly smelly

6:30 - We start dinner and commence the drinking of lovely wine (I am a better person when I drink red wine as well)

7:30 - Finally sit down and eat dinner. Wilson mentions funny April Fools joke he played on his friends Dave and Lorrie. Mentions joke he wanted to play on DiDi and let me elaborate here.

He wanted to ask DiDi to marry him and then say 'APRIL FOOLS!' I look at like he just grew a 3rd eye and say "that is the meanest thing you ever said to me'. His reply - it isn't mean, it's funny! IT WAS NOT.FUNNY! IN.ANY.WAY! Thank you to Rob and Jeremy for talking him out of it. You might have said to him that telling me about it was also DUMB! I love him to bits but he can be dumb as a bag of hammer handles sometimes. This from the man who can do complex math things (that make me break out in hives) in his head!!!!!

7:45 - The rest of the evening was fine and lovely. We listened to lovely dateish songs and smooched.

Sunday was lovely and I am now organized to bits at Wilson's house. All in all a very busy weekend and now I am back at work!