Wednesday, May 24, 2006


We had a hysterical Victoria Day weekend - but the build-up was anything but.

Let me explain...about a month ago, Wilson had a discussion with one of his best friends, Fatso (how men can call a friend that and still have him be a friend - is beyond my girl brain) about the long weekend and what were they going to do. No one had concrete plans so Wilson invites them up and that was that...or so we thought. Four weeks pass and we don't hear from them and we forget about the invite. Last Wednesday, Wilson calls Fatso to catch up and asks him what his plans are for the weekend. And yup, you guessed it, they were coming to our house. Key points to remember here is that I have just finished moving in (read exhausted) and we are really in no position to have guests (read boxes everywhere, bedroom not ready, etc) but we HAUL ASS! and manage to get our abode ready (we kind of have a fight during the process but all was made well the next day).

Friday arrives and I have taken the day off as I have planned a DiDi day of beauty. New hair, new toes, new nails and a facial - it is all good! However, due to weekend guests, I must now add getting sustenance for the hordes to the DiDi Day of Beauty agenda. And so that I get all that he wants, Wilson has given me a lengthy list - And I do mean lengthy!!! That man does love his lists let me tell you.

By 2:15 p.m. - I am supposed to be on my way to the 2nd stop of DiDi's Day of Beauty (the new nails part) but alas I am not. I am at home, unloading groceries ($270 worth - and it must be said that I spent more on the food than I did on my hair) as well as unloading a spew of pissy-ness (I just made a word) on Wilson (who was at work). Holy crap I was cranky - the traffic sucked, the grocery story was crowded, people were annoying and no one stopped me to tell me I had really nice hair - WHICH I DID PEOPLE!!! Would a compliement have killed any of you in Loblaws????? Seriously - a pretty girl with KICK ASS hair at a grocery store is not all that common at 1:00 p.m. on a Friday afternoon!!!

Wilson is all - "thank you sweetie, you are the best DiDi ever! I appreciate your hard work sweetie and now just run out of the house and finish your DiDi Day of Beauty. I will finish the list never you worry. I KNOW what he was really thinking - "What kind of freak have I let move into my house? All I want to do is enjoy the weekend and now I am living with Sybil". I believe at that moment he wondered what chemicals Greg had put in the hair dye as I was not the same happy person who left the house that morning.

I get to my nail appointment (late by the way) and the stress begins to leave my body as I am being massaged in a chair and dead skin is being scraped off of my feet - this is utter bliss to me. There is no better bliss than Cozy Nails with their free smoothies, inexpensive pedis. Sharper Image massage chairs and FREE chocolate. Sybil slowly recedes and DiDi comes back - with soft skin, files nails and pretty pink toes. I am truly a better person when I leave Cozy Nails.

I leave Heaven (A.K.A Cozy Nails) to go home and see my beloved and have time to decompress before the hordes descend. I think about how I need to have a shower, put on some make-up, etc and of course, smooch my handsome man who I yelled at earlier. As I pull up to the house, I notice cars in the driveway. Welcome back Sybil! It had been 2 whole hours since you last showed up!!!! FUCK was said a number of times out loud in the car!!! There went the decompression time, the shower, everything!!!! Eddie and Ponch were in the house with Wilson having barley sandwiches waiting for Fatso and Vicks. Ponch called it - frankly I think Wilson tipped him off that I was now Sybil - and said "Bet you thought you would get 30 minutes alone in your own house before everyone got here! Wrong!!!!". You know that I am screaming FUCK!!!! in my head but say - "Oh no - it is fine!!!".

I walk into the kitchen with Wilson and notice a large bouquet of flowers on the table from Wilson and Sybil recedes. He wanted me to know that he was sorry the DiDi Day of Beauty was not the stress free day it was supposed to be. He then walks Maggie and I get to stay at home with Eddie and Ponch and an alcoholic beverage. Have I mentioned how much I love that man! So sweet to me, brought me flowers and I was a raving bitch to him. Hmmm - mental note, become raving lunatic Sybil bitch more often...

Wilson returns and he, Eddie and Ponch call Fatso. Fatso then mentions that he invited Wild Bill for the weekend...the boys look out the front window and, yup - you guessed it again, Wild Bill is walking up the driveway. At this point I am in the kitcen making dinner for all. Wilson comes in to update me and at this point I have to laugh. Sybil has again receded and DiDi is back. It will be a good weekend after all.

Fatso and the Vicks arrive shortly thereafter and MUCH alcohol begins to be consumed. Did I mention MUCH alcohol. Wilson and I make dinner for 7 - and it rocked. Teriyaki salmon on the BBQ, balsalmic potatoes/onions/mushrooms cooked also on the BBQ and a fantastic salad. Not only that - totally donned my Martha Stewart hat and baked an Angel Food cake to go with the fresh strawberries and raspberries I purchased inbetween beauty appointments. God I rock!!! Our wine fridge stocks were totally depleted that evening. Wilson tallied it up the next day and here is what was consumed - 7 bottles of wine and a case and a half of beer for 9 people. Our friends are alcoholics - that is why we love them.

At this point, Mary Jane (as my mother used to call it) Herb joins the party. Love her and her little buds of stoner goodness. Fatso establishes a 'work station' and begins his role of roller extrordinaire. All in attendance are now very full, happy and very REEEELLAAXXXXEDDD!!! My stomach hurts from all the laughter. Much hilarity ensues and Mary Jane makes everyone happy. I had the best seat in the house as I was sitting beside Wild Bill - King of the One Liners - and he was hot on Friday nite. Between the tokes and Wild Bill - I cannot remember when I have laughed that much. Especially when Wild Bill decided that he ate too much and went and put his jammies on then comes back to the table.

At about 9:30 p.m., Eggsy and The Young'n show up to see Fatso and The Vicks. At this point, there are 2 women, nay girls, at the table under the age of 30. I feel Sybil making her return to the party!!! Eddie announces that we need more wine and Sybil says out loud - 'Make The Young'n as she is the youngest'. Yup - Sybil is in fine form.

The Vicks goes and gets the wine - which is appropriate as she is the 2nd youngest and also brings much bottled water. At this point - we bring out the Stoner Buffet (A.K.A Snacks). Fatso utters his best line of the weekend which was - "DiDi, you know what would be good right now - SNACKS!!!!!!!". You have never seen grown men fight over Nilla wafers and low fat Cool Whip like they did at our dining room table. It!Was!Hilarious! In total, 4 bags of mini rice cakes, 1 box of Nilla wafers, 1/2 container of low fat Cool Whip, 1 box granola bars and 3 bags of microwave popcorn was consumed. Then I went to bed and Fatso ate much of the contents of our fridge - 1/2 a container of hoummous, ham, prosciutto and olives.

At some point during the evening, The Young'n took herself into the den for a wee nap. Sybil receded at this point because - she may be young but has no stamina. I have may be as old as dirt, but can still hang with the best of them. Needless to say, once The Young'n did this, the Vicks could go as she outlasted the youngest in the room. Eggsy was not happy as The Young'n was to drive him home so they could leave to visit his parents (4 hour drive) the next day. You know that your relationship can make it when you survive a road trip, hungover and you are going to visit the parents. I think they left around 4am - not sure. I am sure that it was a quiet drive for those 2. I can only imagine the passive-agressive and sarcastic comments flying around during that drive - but I could be projecting what I would do. They could have been fine.

All in all, it was a great start to the weekend. Much more laughter and we saw the DaVinci code. Sybil is in recession for a while - but she never stays away very long.


No comments: