ALWAYS READ THE PACKAGE DIRECTIONS...

Though regretably ReRe missed the tail end of the evening and cannot, therefore, capture anything funny that happened after her departure, and given her unfortunate condition when she left, there are no promises that she could remember everything from when she WAS there, but as always, she is a trooper and gave it her best shot.

Pre-wedding sorority minutes...

• Wedding plans appear well underway in spite of absentee wedding planner
• Mellie intervened with bossy wedding planner and alcohol will be served prior to the blessed nuptials
• lifting staff has been secured for inappropriate footwear wearers
• said staff to be located near bar
• DiDi and ReRe reminded NOT to step up to the mike and yell MELLIE repeatedly for own amusement
• no promises made
• Marnie's staff perplexed by MELLIE voicemails
• Marnie claims no knowledge of this strange Mellie person
• All in agreement: all respect for Mellie gone since bow hat incident
• Though only a Heb-hag and not a real Jew, DiDi shares the Jew habit of serving enough food for 8 times the number of invited guests
• still unclear as to origin of potatoes and chicken breasts on steroids
• On the topic of Jews, Jewemy apparently has not yet come to accept his given name
• ReRe and DiDi abandon all pretense and refer to the Jew directly as such, much to the Jew's surprise
• DiDi refrained from wearing yoga pants and Birks
• the Jew greatly relieved
• Things ReRe said about which iPod man has taken her to task: NO I do not believe in soul mates (oops, out loud voice); no woman wants to see a flacid penis (though seriously, do we?); no amount of money will give you any musical talent (ok, harsh, but true)
• All in agreement: skinny jeans and leggings =NO
• next shopping GNO to take place at Talbot's
• The Jew raced to kitchen sink a la iPod man (as any Jewish boy would do) after touching Maggie's bowl, but to much surprise volunteered to dog-sit Maggie
• Mellie unwilling to believe Jewemy up to having a dog "until I see you pick up poo, mister".
• ReRe and iPod man horrified all around at dog-related discussion.
• Number of times iPod man washed hands while there: must be at least 4
• ReRe kind enough to refrain from sharing DiDi's Lorraine Colitan story
• ReRe taught lovely new song "Only Men Have Penises"
• possible new Sorority themesong to replace "HooHooHoodia"
• Dessert portions also Jewish
• Definitve age of cougars could not be determined
• All in agreement re: multiple orgasms and peeing standing up
• Mellie and Jewemy deemed equally likely to fall into an Armani suit in Italy
• trust fund had better start opening more frequently to account for accident prone couple
• DiDi still baffled by apple kugel
• ReRe to read medication labels BEFORE combining with alcohol
• Can't wait to do wedding minutes!

Have a great week everyone.

DiDi