ALWAYS READ THE PACKAGE DIRECTIONS...

Though regretably ReRe missed the tail end of the evening and cannot, therefore, capture anything funny that happened after her departure, and given her unfortunate condition when she left, there are no promises that she could remember everything from when she WAS there, but as always, she is a trooper and gave it her best shot.

Pre-wedding sorority minutes...

• Wedding plans appear well underway in spite of absentee wedding planner
• Mellie intervened with bossy wedding planner and alcohol will be served prior to the blessed nuptials
• lifting staff has been secured for inappropriate footwear wearers
• said staff to be located near bar
• DiDi and ReRe reminded NOT to step up to the mike and yell MELLIE repeatedly for own amusement
• no promises made
• Marnie's staff perplexed by MELLIE voicemails
• Marnie claims no knowledge of this strange Mellie person
• All in agreement: all respect for Mellie gone since bow hat incident
• Though only a Heb-hag and not a real Jew, DiDi shares the Jew habit of serving enough food for 8 times the number of invited guests
• still unclear as to origin of potatoes and chicken breasts on steroids
• On the topic of Jews, Jewemy apparently has not yet come to accept his given name
• ReRe and DiDi abandon all pretense and refer to the Jew directly as such, much to the Jew's surprise
• DiDi refrained from wearing yoga pants and Birks
• the Jew greatly relieved
• Things ReRe said about which iPod man has taken her to task: NO I do not believe in soul mates (oops, out loud voice); no woman wants to see a flacid penis (though seriously, do we?); no amount of money will give you any musical talent (ok, harsh, but true)
• All in agreement: skinny jeans and leggings =NO
• next shopping GNO to take place at Talbot's
• The Jew raced to kitchen sink a la iPod man (as any Jewish boy would do) after touching Maggie's bowl, but to much surprise volunteered to dog-sit Maggie
• Mellie unwilling to believe Jewemy up to having a dog "until I see you pick up poo, mister".
• ReRe and iPod man horrified all around at dog-related discussion.
• Number of times iPod man washed hands while there: must be at least 4
• ReRe kind enough to refrain from sharing DiDi's Lorraine Colitan story
• ReRe taught lovely new song "Only Men Have Penises"
• possible new Sorority themesong to replace "HooHooHoodia"
• Dessert portions also Jewish
• Definitve age of cougars could not be determined
• All in agreement re: multiple orgasms and peeing standing up
• Mellie and Jewemy deemed equally likely to fall into an Armani suit in Italy
• trust fund had better start opening more frequently to account for accident prone couple
• DiDi still baffled by apple kugel
• ReRe to read medication labels BEFORE combining with alcohol
• Can't wait to do wedding minutes!

Have a great week everyone.

DiDi

GOING TO THE CHAPEL AND WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED...BUT NOT UNTIL SEPTEMBER!

Our Mellie is getting married to Jewemy in September and she had her last shower this past weekend. ReRe and I could not make it as we had commitments but the unspeakable happened. Our Mellie was forced to wear a bow hat. This is Mellie's worst nightmare and we have pictures to prove it did happen.

Oh Mellie, say it isn't so....

Oh but it is true....

Here is a direct quote from Wilson - "God that is awful, why do women do that to each other?" "I do not even notice her hooters with that ridiculous thing on her head!" and for Wilson to not notice a fine pair of hooters is saying a lot!!! (Editor's note: Mellie, this is a compliment as Wilson apparently thinks that you have a good set of knockers!)

But here is our beloved Mellie sans Bow Hat

Thank God she is back to normal...

Mellie, we love you but we NEVER want to see you with a bow hat on your head again!!! And for the record, since ReRe and I were not there, you cannot make us do this when we get married.

Love you bunches Mellie bow hat or not (preferably no bow hat),

Kisses,

DiDi

DEPENDS, SUSHI, PARTY, TIFFANY & Co., FAMILY, FRIENDS, TIFFANY & Co., SURPRISE GUESTS AND DID I MENTION TIFFANY & Co.!!

The day started like any other - wait no it did not as I turned 40. I will wait while you all gasp in horror and scrape your jaws off the floor. I know, how can such an immature woman actually turn 40. It boggles my mind let me tell you. However, Wilson started my birthday off by accidentally waking up at 12:30 am, rolled over and check his clock and then rolling back and wishing me a happy birthday. So schmoopy but I loved it!

I arrive for work early as I knew with the hordes descending later that I would need to get much work done and Whoops! I surprised the young Janelle decorating my cube. It was a tacky delight of all things that would scream 40 to everyone around. I have a hanging 40 chandelier, streamers, you name it, I had it. They even got me a pointy 'Over the Hill' hat and made me wear it to go and get water. ReRe thinks that I will forget all of this by her birthday next year - but I will not let me tell you!!!! I feel a billboard ad coming on... Then we have our team meeting and I walk in to a veritable smorgasbord of old age gifts. Depends adult diapers, a Hot Flash fan and a pillow that reads 'Put on your big girl panties and deal with it'. ReRe, Janelle and Liz all giggled themselves silly at their funny-ness.

They think they are so funny!

Then we all went to lunch at the lovely Gonoe and ate ourselves silly on excellent sushi. There was even a guest star appearance from Ashley. He took time away from diamonds to come and wish me happy birthday. Much hilarity ensued especially when Sonya (who hates fish - especially raw fish) tried to eat an avocado roll. I thought she was totally going to hurl on the table - but she managed to spit it into a napkin before we all were totally grossed out. All in all, much hilarity and fun over lunch.

And then, home I go to a housefull of family. My parents and sister and Wilson's parents had descended upon our abode. Our house had family hanging from the rafters and Maggie was very glad to see her grandparents. Hugs and kisses for everyone - especially Wilson who entertained everyone while I got stuck at the office. My mom, sister and I walk Maggie and get caught up on family gossip and all that is juicy. We arrive back at Party Central and Wilson has dinner prepared and we sit down to eat. It is lovely and then we look at the clock and realized - Holy Crap, people will arrive soon and we need to change and get food out and ready. People are changing, clothes are flying, make-up is being applied, food is being put out and the doorbell begins ringing. Guests start arriving and the socializing begins. So many lovely friends and so little time to talk to any of them. For some reason, most of my friends brought wine as a birthday gift. How did they ever know what to get me??? My parents were in the living room and my dad acted as the party greeter. Ding-dong goes the door and my dad stands up and in his deep voice says "Hello, I'm Diane's dad and this is her mom and sister". He is just so damn cute! Our basement fills up with people, the outside fills up with people, the dining room fills up with people - there is a lot of people in our house. IT.IS.AWESOME!!! Wilson has truly outdone himself with the party arrangements. There would have been more pictures but I never picked up my camera.

My sorority sisters arrive - first ReRe comes in looking all pretty and Mellie follows not to long behind. Mellie arrives with the Sorority gift which totally leaves me speechless. Actually more like gobsmacked (I do love that word!). It came in my very favourite store bag - Tiffany & Co. - in a beautiful blue Tiffany box tied with the white bow. Frankly if the box was empty, I did not care, just that they brought me a little blue box tied with the white bow was divine. But empty the box was not - it contained the prettiest silver ring a girl ever did see. Hugs for everyone after that and I was well and truly gobsmacked! I know that I was totally obnoxious showing off my ring like a crazy woman! But seriously - it is Tiffany & Co. people, if that alone does not merit a little (or a lot) showing off, nothing does. I know that Mellie no longer feels the need to show off her T & Co. as she has so much of it - but ReRe and I are not as lucky!

Isn't it just the prettiest thing ever! Everything looks better in a pretty, blue box!

Friday dawns and Wilson and I take his parents to their favourite stores - that would be boating stores like West Marine and The Dock Shoppe. Truth be told, they are Wilson's favourite stores as well. Mine favourite stores involve purses and shoes not props and fenders. However, they are from a small town and do not have ready access to these kinds of stores and are very happy to be able to look at all the stuff. West Marine to Wilson's dad is like Holt Renfrew to me. We make our way to Summer Breeze and head out for an afternoon of being on the water. We boat all around the city, Ontario Place, the lagoons around Centre Island and then make our way back to the marina. By this time, I really need a nap as I have a monster headache and want to go home. It is late in the afternoon and we will probably hit rush hour traffic - I am not feeling all that happy and shiny. My contacts feel like cement in my eyes and I really need to lay down. Remarkably, we get home in record time and I head for bed. Wilson and Maggie head out for a constitutional and his parents are relaxing in the den. I can't seem to fall asleep so take myself into the shower thinking to myself that that will make me feel better. That and removing my contacts and putting on my pretty Chanel glasses. I feel much better after that and head into the kitchen to make pre-dinner cocktails - a round of Caesars for everyone.

Am just finishing the Caesars when the doorbell rings and Wilson's mom says "Diane, I think you better get that". The voice inside my head says - "Geez Pam, is your leg broken why don't you get the door" but somehow I manage to keep that in my head. I make my way to the door and open it to find my best friend Kacy standing there. I scream hug her and begin to cry like and idiot. Again, I am totally gobsmacked. Wilson has managed to surprise me again and he and Kacy have been plotting for weeks. I truly am so gobsmacked!!!

If you could see my face - you would know what gobsmacked looks like!

Wilson is making dinner and what a job he does - everyone eats, drinks and makes merry! Much wine is consumed and the most memorable moment for me is when Ed says to Pam - "So Pam, I guess the hip operation put the kibosh on your sex life?" And Pam answers with a "Yes, it did. In fact, it made it boring". This is something I never wanted to ever have a visual on - EVER!

At some point in the evening, my beloved friend Kacy tells me she is really drunk (this is very obvious to all) and I take her to bed. Then she says to me to go and get my pyjamas on and come to bed with her. I do this and quickly fall asleep (with my glasses on) and am in a coma. Apparently I was also really drunk. Ed comes down an hour later and finds us both in bed - he is trying to figure out how he can get in the middle but then realizes that he just wants to lie down. Small problem - he can't get me to wake up. Finally I stir and he kicks me out of bed to go and sleep with Wilson.

The next morning dawns and Wayne and Pam leave early to go and visit Wilson's nana in Brockville. I make a kick ass breakfast and then off to the boat we go. We have the best day on the water. It is so come and pretty out that we all decide that we never want to go home. Since Kacy and Ed do have to leave us at some point, we relish the fact that we get to spend 7 days together on a lovely catamaran in St. Maarten together. See how happy Kacy and Ed are on Summer Breeze.

See how happy!

We meet up with our friends Terry and Lori on their boat Manhattan and spend the afternoon together - pretty much drinking. We go home and continue drinking - with dinner, after dinner, after everything. We drink 2 bottles of champagne, 5 bottles of wine and then Wilson decides to mix up a batch of chocolate martinis. Hello Mr. Hangover - always good to see you invite yourself into my house.

Needless to say, it is not pretty the next morning. All but Wilson are hungover and DiDi is REALLY hungover. As we drive Kacy and Ed to the airport, I really just want to lay down and die. Kacy and Ed feel the same and they have to get on a plane. They win the "who is the most hungover" contest as they flying with a hangover and that is pure hell! We drop them off - hugs and kisses all around - and I get my hung over self back in the car with Wilson. We head to the boat where I have a nap. It was the best damn nap I have ever had. I wake up and no longer feel like I am going to hurl my stomach up through my ears and quickly scarf down some cheese puffs (Shut up, they are so nutritious, they are sticks of puffy cheese). I move my tired and hung over ass out to the dock and I was poured a drink. Our dock neighbours, Captain Kevin and Stinky, are very mean people. However, they give me a birthday present so they are not so bad. I nurse my rye and ginger - which at that moment became like chicken soup to me - until I realize that I must go to bed. I realized this at 7:00 p.m. but did not want to be mocked for crapping out that early. I made it until 9:00 p.m. and then took my tired, hungover self to bed. Wilson made it to bed at some point but have no idea what time. Frankly he could have brought a marching band to bed and I wouldn't have known.

Monday dawned and it was a bee-you-tif-full day as I was no longer hungover. I could look at the sun and bend over and touch my toes without the top of my head coming off. It was good to be me. Maggie and I had a long walk while Wilson slept and then we came back to the boat and I finished an amazing book - The Kite Runner. Outstanding, fantastic and amazingly well written. I recommend it to everyone who reads this blog (Mellie).

It was an absolute blast to turn 40 and I recommend it to everyone. Wilson did such a good job that I want to turn 40 every year. Baby - you are one amazing man. Not only did you manage to surprise me - which I always thought was pretty hard to do - you made turning 40 an absolute blast. Thank God that I have 4 years to figure out what to do with your 40th.

All Sorority men (Jewemy & iPod man) take notice - Wilson has set the bar pretty high for how a 40th should be celebrated. Take notes and throw your women the best damn time EVER!

Kisses to all - these are now official cougar kisses!

DiDi

I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER!

My 40th is around the corner and I can't believe that I am that old - seriously ask my friends how immature I am and you won't believe it either. As the oldest member of The Sorority, I have to blaze the path into the 4th decade alone. ReRe doesn't get there for another year and Mellie - it seems that she will never get there (damn her and her youngness).

However, I have been saying to Wilson for months and months regarding my 40th - "I want Hoop and La mister - Hoop and La - not just hoopla - HOOP and LA!!!!" My theory is - if you are going to hit 40 anyway, you might as well do it with people you love around you and lots of alcohol and snacks. Anyway, Wilson listened and is going to great expense to give me Hoop and La for my birthday. On the actual day of my birth, friends and family will congregate at our house for drinks and snacks and to make fun of me for being old (I prefer the term experienced). I do not know who has RSVPd which is a lot of fun - but I know that I will like everyone in the room. Wilson's parents are making the 4 hour journey, mine and my sister are making the 3 hour journey and so many friends from within the city. Lots of love, laughter, food and drink - which is exactly how I love to live my life. In fact, it is how all of us in The Sorority live our lives - especially the drink part!

I had no gift expectations as Wilson is spending a pantsload of money on this soiree but a present I did get! It is a doozy of a gift let me tell you! My Wilson has chartered a 50' catamaran to take both of us and our dear friends Kacy and Ed around St. Maarten and the surrouding isles. We have our own captain and a cook and we can help sail if we want - or not! I think I may opt for the not part but who knows. We arrive on a Friday in December, stay one night in a hotel and on Saturday - the 4 of us depart. We come back 1 week later, relaxed, tanned and happy and depart for home on Sunday. Now is that a gift or what!!! Just 9 days in the sun, on a boat and with my best friend (who lives far away and we don't get to see very often). I know that you all want a Wilson for yourselves - but you can't have him - he is mine. There has been, apparently much too and fro-ing with dear friends that involved copious discussion on party date, gift and a myriad of other details. What a man he is and he is all mine! Baby - just in case I forgot to tell you - I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Not because of the gift or the party - but that you show me you love me in so many ways. You are a wonderful man and I am so happy to share my life with you.

I am a very lucky woman let me tell you. Not only do I have the best Wilson in the world but the best girlfriends EVER!!!! These women are not only beautiful and smart but true, blue friends that you can count on through anything. I am honoured that they chose me to include in their lives and call me friend. I wish for all women to have friends like mine in your lives - if you do you are truly lucky. I know that I am!

DiDi