DON'T JUDGE ME

I did it!  I watched the Season 5 premiere of Jon & Kate plus 8.   All I felt was sadness for all of them.  I watched Kate trying to be 'on' for the camera and Jon so wanting to be elsewhere.  He looked so stoned to me.  The sad part for me was that they didn't call each other by their names once or show any kindness to each other.  Can you imagine the tension at that party?  I felt so sad for one of their daughters when she hugged Jon and asked him to not go away again.  Good lord - that got me a smidge choked up. 

I am not a mom and will NEVER have 8 kids but I am one of 7 kids so I do know that a house with a lot of kids is a dictatorship not a democracy - but holy crap!  My parents raised 7 kids and somehow did it without hating each other or making each other feel like a piece of crap

Kate - get help for your control issues and Jon - stop blaming Kate for the fact that you have no job.  You have a job - you are the dad to 8 kids and you chose to put your life on TV and make money from the show.  If you want a 'real' job so bad - go and get one for the love of God.   Both of you need to stop hiding behind what is good for the kids because being on reality tv is never good for kids.  I have never seen 2 people who like each other less in a marriage. 

I won't watch another episode because this one made me too sad.  I only hope that they find a way to resolve in a way that works for them all. 

MEET MY NEW PET - PEEVE!

edder had this list of her 15 Pet Peeves and since I was feeling a lack of imagination and in need of a blog post, here is my list.  Share yours - you know that you want to and its fun!

1. People who use the word "irregardless".  IT IS NOT A REAL WORD!
2. Body odour.  Seriously, in this country where water is cheap and available, there is no excuse.  Do you hear me Toronto taxi drivers!
3. Empty milk containers in the fridge.  Wilson - this has never been funny - NEVER!
4. Empty toilet paper rolls (however I do this to Wilson all the time)
5. Dirty dishes on the counter for more than 1 day - just put the damn things in the dishwasher already!
6. Kitchen cupboard doors left open
7. Bugs
8. Crying children on airplanes.  I fly A LOT and you would think that I wouldn't hear it any more but I DO!
9.  People who wear their blackberries on their hip at a social event - like their children's birthday party.  We get it, you love your 'Berry - but seriously, the whole world has one, no one cares!
10. Tattoos - think about when you get old how that will look!
11.  Facial piercings - most specifically - tongue and lip.  OW and EEWW!
12. People who drive stupidly slow because they are talking on their cell phones.  Learn to mulit-task would you!
13. Jessica Simpson - in fact the whole Simpson family - SO DO NOT CARE!
14. People who tell me that Diet Coke in the morning is gross.  You drink your dark caffeinated beverage your way and I will drink it mine.  I don't judge you - don't judge me!
15. Bad breath - seriously, have you never heard of breath mints?

That was fun and I so could have gone on and on and on!  Come on internet, I showed you mine, show everyone yours!

HAPPY!

Much to celebrate here in DiDi land.

1) LONG WEEKEND!  The weather is supposed to SUCK IT this weekend but still - I do not care!  I have 3 consecutive days off and that in itself is fab!

2) I am not getting on a plane for work for a month.  See here why this makes me so damn happy!

3) Boating season has begun.  The boat is in the water and while not ready to go it will be soon!

4) edder of I Don't Care for Your Tone has given me an award.  Thanks edder - will post about it over the weekend.  You rock!

All in all, I am going to have a large slice of happiness pie this weekend! 

I HATE BUSINESS TRAVEL

For so many damn reasons but over the last 2 weeks, I have been in many places and taken many flights all for work.  My list of reasons why I hate business travel has grown so hang on because here comes another rant:

• people who sit beside me who think that I want to talk to them for the entire flight
• people who sit beside me who have REALLY bad breath
• late flights
• early morning flights
• crappy airplane food
• really bad wine that you have to pay for
• stupid airplane rules - seriously, the plane costs $500 million dollars and my cheap, shitty cell phone will disrupt what exactly.  And if it does, don't you think that you should spend, oh I don't know, spend another $20 bucks and make it so that cell phones won't make the plane crash
• that I have to put all of my toiletries into a baggie
• that I have to take my shoes off to go through the scanner
• people who do not properly strip (shoes, belt, empty pockets, etc) before going through the scanner and making those of us standing in our sock feet wait while he/she gets the cavity search
• people who pull on the back of my chair to get up
• people who fart on the plane - you know who you are
• the fact that I have to buy the worst headphones in the world to watch the movies
• people who feel that showering is beneath them.  These people usually end up sitting beside me and I want to die from the stench. 

Whew, I feel better!  Most times, I get on and off planes like I get in and out of my car but this past week of flights has been brutal.  I need that lottery win to kick in so that I only have to travel when I want to, to places that I want to go. 

 

Excuse me, they are calling my flight.  Wish me luck!

MOTHER'S DAY

I recently looked back through my posts to see what I had written about my mom - and to my shock and horror I had done nothing. I felt, with Mother's Day around the corner that I commemorate her here - even though she does not know how to turn on a computer, find a file or even know what a blog is. So here are just some of the many reasons why I love my mom:

• She had me at 39 (can you say SURPRISE!), when she had already had 5 babies (the oldest was 16 and the youngest at that time was 8) and then adopted my brother so that I would have a sibling close to me to play with
• She is the proudest grandma (and great-grandma) you ever did meet
• She bakes REALLY well - as a kid, I would trade my homemade goodies for Hostess cupcakes, Twinkies, etc because I could get tarts and cookies any time I wanted. I know understand how rare really good baked good were in your lunch every day!
• She went to work, outside the home, when I was 8 - her first job outside the home in 25 years - so that she wouldn't be bored and could contribute to the household.
• She showed me what grace under pressure and compassion truly looks like
• She shows me what true love looks like and made sure that I knew that I should never take it for granted
• She (and my dad) show me what a happy marriage looks like - 60 years together this year and I have never heard them argue or say a mean thing to or about each other (missed this gene as Wilson and I have had a couple of good fights that would make her blush at what we said to each other)
• She always told me that I could be anything or do anything if I only put my mind to it
• She passed onto me the love of animals – you should see how she loves Arthur (even when he tries to lay in her lap - have I mentioned that he is over 70lbs - she just laughs at him!)
• She is the least judgemental person I have ever met (again, clearly you all know that I did not get this gene!)
• She never gets mad at me when I ask her iron something for me 'because she does it better' but really it is because I will burn myself and I hate it more than anything in the world
• Her strength of character and spirit still shine through her every day and way - even now at 82

For these reasons and so many more that there is not enough blog space in the world to write them all, I love my mom. I hope I have many more Mother's Days with er to tell her over and over how much I love and appreciate her.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

BECAUSE I STILL SUCK...

A little Hugh goes a long way! 

BECAUSE I SUCK AS A BLOGGER...

Because work is so crazy right now and I am on the road for the next 3 weeks with nary a moment to breathe, my ability to update you dear Internet on my comings and goings and general life stuff is right up there with my ability to walk and chew gum.  In other words - non existent. 

So instead, I give you some pretty things to look at until I can once again sit down and bore you with the trivialities of my existance. 

Enjoy!

BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT

Internet, I am sure that you have seen this because it seems that everyone has!  But holy hannah it sure surprised me!

All I want to do is make over this woman - fix the eyebrows and hair, take her shopping, better make up, tell her to never, ever wear dark hose with a light dress and shoes and lastly, tell her about Spanx when you go on national TV.   I know, I know - I am shallow but then you already know this about me.

You gotta love a good Cinderella story and here is hoping that she can win it all.  But before she does, I do hope that she gets her eyebrows fixed. 

GOOD DAY!

Today is a good day internet and do you know why???  The sun is shining, it is Friday AND I am wearing open-toe shoes for the first time in months!!!

I am one happy girl!  Now if only that damn lottery win would come through tonite - my happiness would be complete!  Fingers crossed!!

GOTTA LOVE A LONG WEEKEND!

Glory be Internet - today is the last day of my work week all thanks to Good Friday!  Oh how I wish that 4 day weeks were what I had everyday (with no cut in pay of course!) - but alas, that is not meant to be. 

Have a great, long weekend everyone and may the Easter Bunny find you wherever you may be!

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

Good Yontif  Internet (and if you are not Jewish - Happy Passover)!.  It is well documented on this site of my love of all things Passover.  Seriously - what is not to love about this holiday - you eat until you can't move, dinner is comprised mainly of carbs, most of the food is beige and there is lots of laughter!  For me, being a non Jew, it is like a non Christmas, Christmas dinner except there is a lot of reading in Hebrew and other tradtions - none of which involve the Son of God.  Serioulsy - what is not to love about a big meal comprised of mainly carbs!

So Internet I will think of you tonight as I dine on kugel, carrot tsimis, matzoh and blintzes. 

PS - don't worry if you hear an explosion tomorrow morning.  That would be my pants as i try to do them up after eating more than a person really should at one meal!

COMING HOME FROM OVER THERE!

Good news! Our friend Rob is coming home in 10 days from Afghanistan! Can I get an Amen to that one Internet! He has some stuff to do in a couple of different places and then he is home with his wife Marcie and 2 kids for a month before he has to report back for duty. The sense of relief and happiness that overwhelmed those of us who know him when we found out he was coming home was indescribable.



I admire Marcie so much and also wonder how the eff does she do it? She married him knowing that the Armed Forces were his career choice, knowing that he trained to put himself into harm’s way. How do you watch your partner leave you for a year not knowing if he will ever come home and put his arms around you ever again? How do you function as a married couple some of the time but a single mom the rest of the time?  How do you love the spit out of him all the time but want to kick him in the shin (really hard!)some of the time?


Obviously I am not made of the stuff required to be a military spouse – you have to be a lot nicer person than me and have the ability to put up with way more crap than I ever could. Also, being adjacent to Army green is not good for my complexion – it tends to wash me out.


So thank you for sending the good thoughts way back when - I know that it helped! 

Have a good hump day Internet!

NO WHERE TO GO BUT UP!

I come out of our house this morning to to go to work only to find that I had left the moon roof open on the car.  Normally, leaving the roof open is this is not a problem as I park it in our garage.  But yesterday - did I do that?  Noperoo I did not.  Guess what else it did last night and this morning?  If you just thought "I bet it rained" you would be right.  Guess how I found out that I left the moon roof open in the car?  If you guessed that my ass told me as I sat in seat covered in rainy wetness - you would be right again! 

So once I moved the damn car, wiped the seats, armrest and dash  - I then went back into the house to change my jeans so that people didn't think I peed my pants while driving to work. 

I have checked around and it is now confirmed - I really am an idiot!

PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

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WHO IS MICH?

Who is the gorgeous girl?  Go and find out for yourself - you won't be sorry you did!!

Congratulations Mich on your 100th post!

PET PEEVE

I have many, trust me on that one!  But today, on a day when everything is rubbing my last nerve so effing raw my pet peeve du jour is that someone, who shall remain nameless, in my department (WHO HAS AN EFFIN MBA) uses the word 'irregardless' - ALL.THE.TIME! 

Seriously - just that today just might be enough to tip the scales in favour of me going postal. 

Will keep you all posted!

NOT A GOOD DAY!

Today sucks! 
Recessions really suck!
It rained today and I left my umbrella at home!
Tomorrow had better be much better than today or I am going to take my toys and go home!
I am too old for this shiz!!

EVERYBODY TAKE ONE STEP TO THE RIGHT, THERE IS NEW BLOGGER IN TOWN

Internet, my dear friend edder has joined us in blogging and I wanted give her a shout out.  This is one funny chica whose writing has always amused the beejeesus out of me.   

Welcome to the Internet edder!  You totally rock!!

PS - if you read her latest post, the boobs mentioned - they be mine!

TGIF?

I am off to visit the inlaws for a weekend visit and to get our taxes done - OK, mostly to get our taxes done as Wilson's dad is an accountant and gets us money back from the government EVERY.DAMN.YEAR! 

However, the last time we were there was Christmas and we chatted about this so I am a little scared of what is going to be discussed this time once my MIL gets a couple of cocktails in her. 

Internet - if you see a a chubby girl with auburn hair running down the side of a major highway screaming - say hi - it's me!

CUTS LIKE A KNIFE

OK, so in my last post, I tried to be all suspenseful and leave you wanting more with my tale of rings and Bryan Adams…did it work? Have you been sitting there wanting more about those details? Have you??? (insert sound of crickets here…) Sorry – forgot that you all have way more interesting lives but I am going to tell you anyway.



I come home from my trip, where I discovered that I was old and seriously lacking in any kind of ability to stay up late and drink anymore, and remembered that Wilson and I had been invited to some swishy dinner by our friend David. By 4:30 pm that afternoon, all I wanted to do was eat dinner and go to bed but I remembered that would make me really old so I pulled on my panty hose and off we went.


This is a great fundraising dinner with a silent auction and Bryan Adams was the after dinner entertainment. (Sidebar - I grew up watching Bryan Adams – I had, have such a crush and he was my 2nd largest concert that I ever went to as a kid. He opened for Journey and I totally lied to my mom about where I was going. I told her that I was staying at my friend Karen’s house and we were going to a movie. I snuck my birth certificate out of her drawer and off we went. Since she doesn’t read this blog anymore, I think my secret is still safe. ) Anyhoo, we go, I am in the mood to shop and I love silent auctions like nobody’s business. I see some small stuff and start writing my name down with my bids. At this point, Wilson started to sweat as he saw how many things I was bidding on. I told him to shush as it was still early and none of my bids would make it to the end of the night.


We went into dinner and are discussing the framed photos that I like but he doesn’t and there is lots of wine drinking (don’t judge it was free and the waiters were very generous with their pouring) and then in-between courses I go back to the auction, made more bids, came back and tell Wilson about stuff I had bid on. He decides that I can‘t have all of the fun and goes and perused the auction and came back and told me that he placed a bid and would I like to see what he bid on? Now I am VERY curious as he never bids on stuff really and we go and Internet you will not believe this one. HE BID ON A RING FOR ME! My lovely but very frugal husband bid on a piece of jewellery for me! Shocked does not even tell you how I felt at that moment! I was shaking at this point because it is very pretty and I wanted it more than anything and was ready to drop the gloves if some beeyotch tried to take my ring. It got down to the last minute and I was so nervous I thought I was going to pee my pants and then POOF the auction is over and the ring is mine! And here I thought that Bryan Adams was going to be the highlight of my evening.


We get back to our seats and Bryan Adams takes the stage and everyone started rocking out to the classics and some of his new stuff. IT.WAS.AWESOME! I would like to remind you all that a lot of wine drinking has happened up until this point. He says that he wants someone to come and sing “Baby, When You’re Gone” with him and of course I am determined that this should be me. I am leaping over people to get closer to the stage (while in 4 inch heels, banging on the stage and pretty much ready to jump on stage) but alas he does not pick me for the song. With nothing left to do, I went and consoled myself with more wine.


Then, he comes out for an encore and encourages us to come up on the stage and dance with him. That was all I needed – kissed Wilson good bye and said that it was nice being married to him, thanks for the ring and all but am going to be with Bryan now. Jumped on the stage (again in aforementioned 4” heels) and sashayed up to the point where Bryan was singing – and we made significant eye contact. I could tell what he was thinking – “who is that HOT woman! I must make her my woman NOW!" (or it could have been a look of fear - the looks are kind of similar). Then his guitarist motioned that I should come closer (he did too!) and that was all it took for me! I leaped, yes leaped over the security guard arm who thought he could stop me and found myself on stage with Bryan and his band. Managed to get a hug in with the man himself and then found myself on stage, in front of a mic and started singing along! For a brief and shining moment – I WAS A ROCK STAR!


Then the song was over and I returned to my table and husband – Bryan Adams may be the boy of my teens but the man at my table bought me jewellery. He got to take me home that night!


So there it is – my fleeting moment of glory! The best part was when I came into work on Monday and told my story, our PR manager Jen said that her sister-in-law and brother were there and and said of the women who got on stage with Bryan were and I quote – “CRAZY!” Yes I was and am – just ask anyone who knows me.