MERRY CHRISTMAS

to all and to all a good night! 

Merry Christmas dear Internet! 

CONVERSATION ON A COLD DECEMBER EVENING

December 22nd.
I am at my inlaws house in northern Ontario with a drink (one of many) in hand.  Arthur was running around and my MIL remarks how it is sad that Arthur's breeder decided to cut his tail off so short (he is a pointer and their tales are always docked).  And then the conversation switches to the fact that he no longer has balls due to his mom (that would be me) having them cut off and how we should not have done that to the poor boy.  The comment was made that he has been mutilated. 

Somehow from there, we went to circumcision and how Wilson is not (this I knew), his dad (MY FIL) is not (never wanted to know) and neither was his granddad (same).  This happened while I was in the same room as my FIL and my husband!  I NEVER EVER wanted to know anything about my FIL in that way.  While this conversation was making my ears bleed, my FIL and husband were having a conversation about the auto industry bailout and do not even register the hell I was in.

And they wonder why I drink so much when I am at their house.  Internet, I think you understand because you would head straight for the fridge for more wine too!

Aren't the holidays dee-lightful?

BACK FROM VACATION

Happy Monday Internet!  Am back from Belize and I have a slight tan - WOOT WOOT!  However, Belize and I did not agree.  First Delta Airlines lost our luggage - this usually is not a problem but when you get on a sailboat immediatly and leave port - not having your luggage does equate to a problem!

Second - we had 2 amazing days of sunshine and then came the overcast and rainy days.  4 days of overcast and rainy - WTF!!!

Third - and this is the part that sealed the deal for me - SAND FLEAS AND FREAKIN NOSEEUMS!!!  Where did I go - Florida for the love of God???  Multiple bites and much scratching later, I have determined that Belize and I are not meant to be together!!

However, it was a blast with our friends and I laughed so much every day and drank WAAAAYYY too much!!  Reality hit with a vengenance when we got off the plane last night and the pilot said it was minus 12 degrees Celsius (I have no freaking idea what that is in Farenheit!). 

Am now back at work and wish I was still on vacation - just not in Belize! 

VACATION BOUND!

Wilson and I are vacation bound.  Where are we going do you ask dear Internet? Well let me tell you...

BELIZE!!!!!!!

That's right - sunshine, unlimited bar, sunshine, no work and sunshine! 

I will be back in a week, the same pale shade I am now (due to a large hat and copious amounts of SPF 45) but relaxed and happier (due mainly to lots of vacation sex with Wilson)!

Have a lovely week and I will raise a glass or 12.  I promise pictures when I get back!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

For all my American friends and family.  May you travel safe, wear an outfit that features an elastic waistband and buy me something pretty on Black Friday!

AND SO IT BEGINS...

This was what we woke up to this morning.  More than a light dusting, less than a blizzard but still enough to completely screw up traffic last night.  It took me an hour and 45 minutes to travel a distance that could be easily travelled in 20-30 minutes.  Of course I was at a meeting prior to this and drank a bottle of water, forgot to go to the loo before I left and wanted to die in the car for the last 30 minutes of that drive.  GAH!!!!

If I haven't mentioned it recently - I HATE WINTER!!!  Yes snow at Christmas is pretty!  Yes snow can be fun if you ski!  Still doesn't make me like it any more.  I hate the cold, dry, chapped skin and the required layers that winter brings with it every year!   Mental note - buy more lottery tickets so that I can leave this country of mine in the winter and go somewhere warm. 

Internet - I hope that you are somewhere warm and dry and not covered in snow.  If you are, have a margarita for me!

LUNCH TIME REQUIREMENT - FOOD AND EMERGENCY SHOPPING!

Many times my life is just a HUGE comedy of errors. This morning, realizing it was Friday and I could wear jeans to work (YIPEE!), I had a bit of extra spring to my step as I meandered down the hall to the loo. I shower, moisturize, blow dry etc all the while thinking of how comfortable I will be today at work. Then I move towards my closet and realize that my ‘good’ jeans are in the wash after being worn multiple times on the recent trip to Germany. So out come the tried and true GAP jeans that I haven’t worn in a couple of weeks.


I drag them on my body and realize that I have to high school it (lay down to zip them up) and thought to myself that the copious bratwurst/beer combo that was consumed last week on the aforementioned trip was NOT kind and I will have to start up the Trimspa again. Once they are zipped up, I then make THE fatal error of the day – I forgot to look in the full length mirror to assess the ensemble before leaving the house.


I get out at the office and see my reflection in the building (it is mirrored) and gasp out loud. Holy shit - I am wearing floods!  These jeans are seriously short and geeky looking!  All I need is a pencil protector and I am set for life.  I quickly called Wilson to enquire what the HELL he did to them when he did the laundry. Here is the response – “yeah, sorry about that but I thought they were mine and accidentally threw them in the dryer but I thought you wouldn’t notice since you never wear them anymore”. 

My beloved is famous for the don’t ask, don’t tell policy regarding anything that happens to my stuff that might get him yelled at.  Clothes that might have been ruined or shoes that Arthur chewed while I was away on business - I get no news about these items until I go digging around or wear something totally embarrassing and ask about it and then I get the update. (Totally not kidding about the shoes – Arthur chewed not 1 but 2 pairs of shoes while I was away on my last trip.  I promptly developed the chewed shoe/will be immediately replaced policy and the shoes were promptly replaced the next weekend!)
We all know what I will be doing at lunch – I will be making the emergency jean purchase to fix this situation. Wish me luck!

TRAVELLING

I am a travelling fool these days - mostly for my job - and right now I am in Germany, specifically in Cologne.  And while I was at a meeting and we broke for the afternoon we had canapes, pastries and...wait for it...wine.  Platters of it being walked around waiting for me to take a glass.  Which.I.did.  It would be wrong to refuse don't you think?

Only in Europe can you drink wine whenever you want and no one will judge you and for that Europe totally rocks!  Here no one looks at me and thinks alcoholic - they look at me and think totally normal.  I really should move here because at home no one EVER looks at me and thinks I am in any way normal! Tee!

WHY I HAVE BEEN A BAD BLOGGER

Dear Internet
I know, I suck at updating now.  But remember, I went and got all ambitious and got another job at which they have deadlines, real work, objectives for me to reach and expectations that are high.  Trust me, after where I used to work, this is an adjustment. 
Hence no more blogging, reading blogs or Flickr or Facebook at work but here is what I have been doing in the meantime.

I have been travelling so much that I can barely remember what time zone I am in, who my beloved husband is and where i live.  However Internet, please don't leave me for someone prettier, smarter who updates more frequently and gives you back massages and free lattes.  I still love you lots and lots and some day will get back to slacking if that damn lottery win would ever kick in. 

I promise to try harder and update, comment and generally let you know what is happening over here at crazy central. 

Sincerely,
DiDi

COME BACK! COME BACK!

I am a woman obsessed!  I have been watching Mad Men since the very beginning (I was home sick and saw the 'Making of' thing on AMC and got hooked from that moment) and now, it is gone for another season! 

And now I must wait another year to see Don again.  Damn you season finale!  Damn you studio execs who believe in limited runs!  Give me back my Don! 

I will just have to content myself with reruns of both seasons until he comes back to me - in all of his gorgeous glory!  Sigh...

WITH THANKS

This weekend is Thanksgiving for us Canadians - and a long weekend could not have come faster for me.  I lurvve long weekends!

Here are some of things I am thankful for this year:

• Wilson
• Arthur
• Long weekends
• pedicures
• Sorority girls
• red wine
• white wine
• Diet Coke
• new job
• my crazy family
• amazing friends
• happy life
• pretty shoes

I am off to eat my fill of turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie and whatever else is prepared for this year feast!  Happy Thanksgiving y'all - even if you are not Canadian.

A DOG'S LIFE

As I sat on the couch last night with Arthur in my lap – and this is no small feat since he is 75 pounds – I thought about how good our brown boy had it. This was a dog whose world was shiny and bright – he had his mom (and his mom had wine so all was good for me too!), a bone to chew on, a lap to lie in, food and water in his bowls (that sit on a monogrammed mat!) – his life was good and he was happy.

He doesn’t give a baboon’s behind about the stock market, diminishing returns or the state of the global economy. His whole goal in life is to be able run like the wind, play with a ball and to crawl into bed with us each and every morning.


If this is a dog’s life, there are certainly some days when I think – that life is pretty darn good!

THE VIEW FROM THERE

This was the view that I had when I was outside of San Francisco last week.  Pounding surf, sunshine and mild weather were almost enough to make me ditch my life and become a California girl. 

I know that California has smog, too many cars, earthquakes and an actor for a governor but every time I go I always think that I could so live here. 

Oh well, maybe in my next life!

CALIFORNIA HERE I COME...

OK, so I am already here and loving it. As I spend 3 days at a posh hotel outside of San Francisco on the edge of the ocean - I am just about ready to ditch my life in Toronto for this idyllic place. That is until I read the paper and see how much it costs to live here and quickly remember that I don't have any money. DAMN! As of now, I am officially badgering Wilson about winning the lottery just so I can come back here and live it up like George and Weezy.

While there is a large amount of travel with this new job and I hate that it takes me away from home, away from my boys - the perks of twice daily maid service, unlimited towels, king size bed with loads of pillows and room service help ease the pain.

So thanks California for be so obliging with the weather and your hospitality. This Canadian girl really appreciates it!

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT AFTER ALL...

Had a blast watching the Emmy's last night and my girl crush on Tina Fey has grown significantly!  She is truly one of the funniest women on the planet and when she and Amy Poehler are together, I am in hysterics.  Also, having Jeff Probst, Patrick Dempsey and Jon Hamm all in one show together was utterly delicious!  I remembered why I watched Survivor as long as I did and Jeff Probst is that reason.  Those dimples...sigh! 

Flash forward to near the end of the show and out comes Mary Tyler Moore with her trademark megawatt smile and from a distance I was all 'Damn she looks good!' - fit, really good hair, great dress and I am all happy to see her and had the show theme song running through my head.  http://www.televisiontunes.com/Mary_Tyler_Moore_-_1972.html

Aaaannnnd then the camera pulled in for a close up.  "Pull back!" I screamed at the TV.  Mary has a scary, plastic surgery face!  Her face was so tight that her crotch must be up around her ears when she smiles.  Then she gestured and again I was horrified!  The crepey, flappy skin almost whacked me in the face.  Mary, please!!  I beseech you - no more plastic surgery and pretty, pretty please wear sleeves when on TV from now on!  I know that aging is a bitch but please - we all have to recognize that we can no longer wear certain things anymore with every decade we age.  And at your age - sleeves are now mandatory!  And Mare, please know, I pick because I care.

Now am back at work and dreaming of being stranded on a desert isle with Jeff Probst...ooops, sorry for the drool!

Have a good week y'all!

NO WAY! NO HOW! NO COMB OVER!

I will never understand how anyone can think that a comb over is in any way attractive? 

Case in point, I am in the mall on Saturday getting my cardio in (otherwise known as shopping) and in front of me is an attractive, older man.  He turns to get on the escalator and I thought I was going to have a stroke.  Glued to his head with some type of shiny head sealant, were no more than a dozen hairs carefully arranged in some sort of even fashion.  Did he think that I could no longer see the tanned top of his head?   Actually the tanned top 3/4s of his head? 

On behalf of women everywhere I make this public request - cut it off!  We can see the skin shining through the 6 hairs you are so proud of and beg of you to embrace your baldness.  Nothing is attractive about a few hairs grown so long and scraped up and over a place on your head where they do not belong.  Do what is right and set those poor hairs free!  They have done their best for you and now is their time to retire to Hair Heaven! 

Women around the world beg of you - no more comb over!  And in return, we will stop pointing at you in malls, mock retching and then blogging about it.   Once that is fixed, we will work on the bad old man jeans but a girl has to have priorities!    

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I am feeling a definite loss of inspiration regarding what to say here so here are a collection of random thoughts.  If nothing else, it will get them out of my head.

• was slightly hung over this morning - nothing works better to fix that than a breakfast that includes bacon
• I love the GAP
• Red wine is truly a gift from God
• The sound of a can of Diet Coke opening is music to my ears
• Cheese should really have less calories as it makes up a large part of my diet
• How do the girls at the MAC counter keep their make up perfect every minute of the day? 
• And why is it that I can never recreate anything that they do for me with the same products and brushes?
• Is 42 too old to tell people that I am really good at Wii bowling?
• Just saw an ad for Survivor and am wondering who still watches it? 

That are all the random thoughts I could muster up today.  I promise to better the next time I write. 

A REQUEST FOR THE INTERNET

Today, our friend Rob has been deployed to join the Canadian troops in Afghanistan.  He and Wilson grew up together and their parents and Wilson's parents are best friends.  He is a loving husband to Marcie and a father to 2 gorgeous children. 

This is not a political statement or me on any kind of soap box.  Just a request to you dear Internet - in whatever way you do - could you send out good thoughts to the universe for Rob and his family to keep him safe for his tour.  All of us who know him, just want him to come home safe and sound.

Thank you Internet!

I'M JES SAYING...

I was at the airport going through security to go to my gate for my flight to Montreal for my first event with my new company.  A nice looking couple were in front of me who were emptying all that they own into the bins to be xrayed. When out of nowhere, the lady turns, looks for her friend who dropped them off and waved at this person. At this point my eyes exploded and I will never be the same. The woman had on a white, sleeveless blouse and when she lifted up her arm to wave I got a view of her 6 inch long pit hair flapping around as she waved!


I can tolerate many things but that almost made my head explode! Lady, For the love of God, if you choose to not shave your underarms, then do the world a solid and never wear sleeveless AGAIN! No sleeves are a privilege not a right!!!!


Today's rant has now concluded - please feel free to resume your business.

COUGAR AND THE GEEKS

This weekend, this last, lovely, long weekend of the summer, I will be in Montreal for the World Cyber Games.  Why you ask dear Internet?  Because of my new job - that's why!  My new company is a large sponsor of the World Cyber Games or as I call it - Geekfest! 

When I told Wilson that I was going to World Cyber Games - his loving response was "You are going to look like such a cougar there surrounded by teenage boys!".  My response - I wanted to choke the spit out of him but instead responded with a wifely "Fuck Off!" 

My wee knowledge of video games consists of our new Wii.  I am really good at Wii bowling and that is about it.  The last time I was in Best Buy, a 9 year kid kicked my ass at Guitar Hero and tennis.  I have a distinct feeling that the song running through my head this weekend will be "One of these things is not like the other". 

So this weekend while y'all are enjoying sunshine and cocktails - remember me -your very own 42 year old cougar surrounded by palefaced teenage boys with excellent hand/eye coordination - and then pour yourself a large drink and have it for me.  I am going to need all the help I can get to get through this weekend!

WHEN DO YOU...

Internet,
Here is a question that has been plaguing us at the Sorority for sometime...at what point when you are dating someone do you sleep with them?  We Sorority girls had a recent meeting and chatted at length about this. 

DiDi - I made it only to the 2nd date with Wilson.  Excessive alcohol, lobster and his cuteness all worked against me.  I was going to try to hold out for date 3 so as to not appear whorish but didn't make it.   Apparently I am the skank of the group!

Mellie - date 3 with the Jew.  Again, wine involved. 

ReRe - has made it to date 4 before doing the deed.  Mellie and I consider this seriously saintlike behavior and we are considering revolking her relationship in the Sorority if she doesn't raise her skank level somewhat. 

Dear Internet - what is your answer on this.  What do you think is appropriate hold out time vs skanky?  Enquiring minds want to know! 

ALL EMPLOYEE MEETING

So we had an all employee meeting and all the new employees were introduced and had to say something about themselves

I wanted to say many things - none of which were appropriate like "Am sarcastic, cynical and I think funny.  Love pretty shoes, purses and a good bottle of wine.   Have a blog and read the words of some amazing women and oh yeah - am really happy to be here!"

Instead I say how happy I was to be there and am looking forward to meeting and working with everyone!  I think the first paragraph was much more interesting!

Also, when I told Wilson that I had an All Employee meeting, he asked if I wore my prettiest shoes.  Does he know me or what!  God I love that man!!

...and yes I did!  Black patent leather Mary Jane Cole Haans.

FIRST WEEK OVER - WOEFULLY UNINFORMED!

Well my first week is over and I am still gainfully employed!  But boy-oh-boy has my life changed!  My new office blocks all social networking (Facebook, Flickr, Blogger sites) as well as all entertainment sites.  I feel so out of touch - like my mother or something.  However, then they started throwing work my way and I quickly realized that I will no longer have time for this shiz throughout the day. 

I have missed you dear internet!  Fill me in on what's happening.  Who's sleeping with who?  What is new and different?  Give a poor, uninformed girl the deets!

SO LONG SLACKER!

Tomorrow I start my new job!  I have left the relative safety of a job where I did what I wanted when I want and now will actually work for a living.  WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!  I haven't been nervous about a job, any job in such a long time.  I know that this change is good for me but holy crap - I am NERVOUS! 

So this slacker bids you all a fond farewell.  The next time you hear from me - I will be a full-fledged worker bee!

So long slacker girl - it has been a fun ride!

HOW TO GET GOOD GIFTS ON YOUR BIRTHDAY

Buried under my resentment of turning a year older is the joy of receiving birthday gifts!  This year Wilson outdid himself (and he really had to after the fiasco of last year!)   Fiasco description - last year, I inadvertantly bought my own birthday gift - a camera bag.  We got a really nice camera for a wedding gift and Wilson had harped at me that we had to get a camera bag to protect the shiny, new camera.  When I told him that I bought a new camera bag he said "Great, that is your birthday present!"  Cue the ensuing argument about gifts and effort. 

However, this year he bought me not 1 but 2 Burberry bags, a camera knapsack and a UV filter for our telephoto lens. 

I love the blessed plaid so much!  Wilson is happy that I have stopped nagging his ass for a pretty purse.  Also, I am hysterical that he bought me a camera bag again, but he is SO tired of hearing me complain that I can't fit all our camera equipment into the bag "he" bought me last year. 

Complaining = good gifts!  I must remember this for next year!!!!

BROKEN VA-JAY-JAY

Muffy may have broken her ass but last night I broke my va-jay-jay! I wish I were kidding but, dear internet, y'all know what a walking klutz I am and how I should avoid, but somehow never do, anything that could and will most likely cause me an injury. How does one do break their va-jay-jay you ask? Sit back, pour yourself a glass of something and listen to my tale of woe!


Wilson came home from a 'work' trip. Pardon my sarcasm here but any 'work' trip that involves 2 rounds of golf, much drinking, staying at a REALLY nice resort and as he says it 'networking' still spells BOONDOGGLE to me in any language. But I digress. So of course Arthur is so happy to see his daddy and they are in the back yard playing catch with the Kong ball (that is Arthur is catching and Wilson is throwing).


Wilson accidentally throws the ball into our neighbour’s yard and then looks at me and says "You have shoes on can you go and get it?" This is where I should have said - 'you threw the damn thing there - you go and get it as I am about do something REALLY important and fetch myself an adult beverage' and yet, for some stupid reason I said OK.


I start to climb over our decrepit fence (held together only by good wishes and termites) and Wilson says "Don't climb over in the middle, climb near a post as it isn't very strong". Again, where was my common sense (apparently on vacation) as I forgot how accident-prone I am and did not immediately get off the fence and tell him to get the stupid ball his damn self. I moved closer to a post and get one leg over and while balancing myself to bring my other leg over, the fence broke and I fell onto the top board and, yes you guessed it, what broke my fall was my vagina. And OWWWW!


Wilson helps me off the fence and I do what any woman in pain does - walk into the house and poured myself a LARGE glass of wine - for medicinal purposes of course. I moan and complain about my broken va-jay-jay until Wilson says did you look at it to make sure all is OK. And of course you know the answer to that is no. I was much more interested in my 'medicine'. I look at it - as best as I can - and HOLY SHIT - I really did a good number on it. Poor va-jay-jay!


Needless to say - I placed the blame squarely on Wilson's shoulders and tried to make him feel all guilty and stuff - and told him that they only thing that would make me feel better is a pretty new whatever-I-want to start my new job. All that got was a damn raised eyebrow. BASTARD!


Y'all know I am milking this for all it is worth this weekend. I can already see this scenario playing out - Wilson will ask me to help/do something that will interrupt me reading/napping/whatever and my response will be as follows -- “I can't insert some job that I don't want to do because in trying to be a good wife and help you, I BROKE MY VAGINA, so you will need to do it."


Lesson learned by DiDi - never put off getting a glass of wine in order to help husband. Bad, bad things come of it.

MANY BLOG POSTS ALL AT ONCE...

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY...
and KK for her blog award.  I truly never thought anyone besides ReRe and Mellie would read it (and both of them read this only because it is automatically sent to them) and that KK was kind of enough to acknowledge my wee little blog with a Brilliante Award - I am truly grateful.  You rock KK - and I love your blog!

And now it is my turn to pass it on...

Fanfrickingtastic

Mama's Losin It

From the house of Emily

Jemima

Nothing but Bonfires

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

UNEMPLOYMENT

I finished my job last Friday but before I left, ReRe made sure that I had one helluva send off.  There were many embarrassing moments and much laughter.  It felt good to say good bye.  And now, for one week any way, I am unemployed - sort of.  I have spa and hair appointments set up as well as lunches with friends.  The only thing standing between me living this life everday is that damn lottery win.  Seriously, I would make a really good lady who lunches (and shops and spas...)!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

PEDICURES

Are really a gift from God!  Nothing is nicer (on a Monday no less) than to look down at VERY PRETTY toes.  But the best part is that you got those while everyone else you know was working.  I have not yet decided which I liked more today - getting the pedi or emailing friends while I was getting the pedi.  Both were fun!

Whew!  I am now up-to-date!  I must go and have a glass of wine now to recuperate.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT!

Internet - you will NEVER believe what has happened to me in the last 2 days!  I just quit my job of 8 1/2 years to go to a new place.  How the hell does that happen? 

I am leaving behind me a cushy life where I came and went whenever I felt like it, wore pretty much whatever I wanted and did whatever I pretty much damned will pleased(which equated to me blogging, commenting and doing a lot on my Flickr account all from the comfort of my desk). 

Now I am going to a place where I have to perform, meet and exceed expectations and actually work for a living.    Also, my commute goes from nothing to everything - so I will be come one of THOSE people - a COMMUTER!  THE HELL! What am I thinking?

Oh yeah - the thing that made me jump up and down and scream in a Horshack kind of way - Oh! Oh! Oh!Oh!Oh! - was the cool stuff that I get to work on - like the 2010 Olympics.  When they were saying stuff like horrible commute, never see your husband, work for free all I heard in my ears was "WORK ON THE OLYMPICS!  WORK ON THE OLYMPICS!".    You can see my attention span is still functioning at its ever lovin best! 

Internet, please don't think I don't love you anymore if I don't talk to you as much because I do.  Just remember it is not safe for me to comment and drive at the same time. 

MAMMA MIA!

Lordy lordy - there are many reasons to see Mamma Mia and Pierce Brosnan, for me, is VERY high on the list.  This man is HOT to me.  Other reasons - Abba, Abba and more Abba.  First Sex in the City and now Pierce and Abba in one movie - 2 helpings of happiness pie in one summer! 

PS - Abba is not cheesy!
PPS - OK, so it might be a bit cheesy but who among us doesn't like cheese?  Eeezackly!
PPPS - Yes, I know that Colin Firth is in this movie as well and I love him too but Pierce is so damn sexy that I lose all ability to form a cohesive thought.  I also adore Colin Firth and meant no slight to Mr. Darcy!

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

One year ago today, we said good bye to our sweet girl Maggie.  Never has their been such a good dog, who loved her people so well.  We did our best to love her back as she deserved and give her the life she should have had all along. 

Her story before she came to us was not a pretty one - but the minute she entered my life on October 31, 1999 it all changed - for both of us.  Because of her I learned to appreciate my neighbourhood in ways I'd never considered before.  Because of her, I met amazing friends and learned the value of a good walk - no matter the weather.  Three years later Wilson met her and fell in love with both of us and we became a family.  She was with me for 8 amazing years and while lots of people say she was lucky to have found me - I was really the lucky one.

So today I remember her sweet personality and her amazing ability to love and am very happy that she was mine and I was hers. 

YET ANOTHER REASON WHY I LOVE MY TIDE STICK!

There is a reason why ReRe says I should be banned from wearing white - I am a spiller. Here I was sitting at my desk, eating my lunch and reading blogs - really bothering no one. Then all of a sudden - BAM! My lunch decided to make a break for it and tried to escape via my white shirt.

What was I eating you ask dear Internet??? SPAGHETTI WITH TOMATO SAUCE!

Sigh...Sometimes I amaze myself with what an idiot I can be. Excuse me while I dig out my Tide stick out of my purse and try to fix this debacle. Talk amongst yourselves while I remove my lunch from my shirt.

LATEST MEETING OF THE SORORITY (otherwise known as dinner with a lot of wine)

Minutes of the latest meeting of The Sorority. I know that most of the internet will not find this as funny as we do but I howled when ReRe sent these through. God I love us!

- ReRe trumps DiDi's age crisis with 40-kids-single trifecta
- Mellie contemplating mistress lifestyle due to post-wedding woo and present decline
- DiDi and ReRe suggest possible downside to mistress lifestyle, burst mistress lifestyle bubble
- All in agreement marriage = death of woo
- Except DiDi content with Wilson Woo, a subtle but highly appreciated (by her anyway) form of woo, not an Asian man (who would have a small penis and therefore who would want his woo anyway?). Wilson Woo only happens when either been away for 3+ days or intoxicated.
- Mellie also appreciative of also-subtle Jew Woo, consisting largely of occasional "you look nice" comments but insufficient kissing
- DiDi and ReRe appalled at insufficient kissing
- ReRe not one to talk given current relationship with jacuzzi
- ReRe & Mellie grant DiDi permission to drink at all weddings - however all in agreement that DiDi should NEVER volunteer to plan a friend's wedding again.
- ReRe near suicidal at mention of word "wedding"
- Jew wants big boat
- Jew working hard ... on tanning
- All highly amused at vision of Jew camping in Lacoste polo and Rolex
- All considered delightful (though klutzy) drunks
- ReRe explained burn-like injury due to "I was drunk and I fell down"
- DiDi enjoying unfamiliar status as second klutziest. Unprecedented lack of soy sauce spilling (I was wearing black so soy spillage near impossible to detect)
- Mellie & DiDi concur husbands prone to dumping in case of substantial weight gain
- ReRe unable to share concern due to ongoing lack of husband
- 3 1/2 years with iPod man declared giant mystery
- iPod man's DiDi hatred declared overt, intense and highly amusing
- General iPod man mockery highly amusing
- DiDi and ReRe support Mellie's recent jewelry purchase; DiDi contemplating tennis bracelet purchase due to aforementioned post-wedding present shortage
- DiDi possibly grazed Mellie's arm due to tardiness-hunger combo
- ReRe's fake tan declared tan-like
- ReRe near suicidal due to constant engagement talk, also occurring during writing of minutes
- DiDi squashing ReRe's lunch-time income supplementation via prostitution plan due to footwear limitations
- Mellie & ReRe planning pedicure intervention
- Hoodia/TrimSpa phase remembered fondly by all

I HATE BACHELORETTE PARTIES!

I went to a stagette last night where I was the OLDEST person there. I am so not kidding about that. Here are some of the highlights of the evening!

• I heard more times than I can count that "Wow! You look REALLY good for being almost 42!"
• I rode on a school bus with a hardwood floor and a stripper pole AND karaoke
• For many of the girls there - I their worst nightmare. I married Wilson at 40 and as they are all 30 and under thought when they heard that I got married at 40 - they thought to themselves Eeeek! I hope I am not as old as her when I get married! I have seen the look before so I know when girls think that.
• I also did the math - when I turn 50 none of those girls will yet be 40. God - it is 9:30 am and just writing that sentence makes me want to start drinking again.
• EVERYONE else got carded while walking into the first bar - EXCEPT ME! The doorman just waved me through. The hell? Why not card the ENTIRE group. Why single me out as the person most in need of Botox!

I will say that I rocked a pair of navy Stuart Weitzman's, took my new early birthday Burberry purse, wore my Citizen of Humanity jeans. I may have been the oldest person there but I looked good. Being old does have its advantages - you can afford really nice accessories.
Then I came home, called ReRe and bitched mightily about the evening while drinking 1/2 a bottle of wine that was left on our counter.
I hate bachelorette parties!
PS - to add insult to injury, Arthur decided to chew my beautiful navy blue Stuart Weitzmans. He has never chewed a shoe before but decided to pick today to experiment with shoes. I am going for some retail therapy - replace my shoes and shop until I feel better.

I AM A DADDY'S GIRL

For all of you celebrating Father's Day today - I say "Happy Dad's Day to you all!" On this day where we formally say thanks for everything, I wanted to share with you the reasons why I love my dad.

• he bought me my first dress and I wore it home from the hospital
• he taught me how to tell a joke-
• he had to emigrate to Canada at a very young age, all alone and live with people he had never met and he never saw his parents again and yet somehow he learned how to be an amazing parent
• he is the proudest grandparent I have ever met
• he showed me what real love - the kind that last forever - looks like
• he made me learn how to change a tire on a car
• he told me I could be or do anything if I only put my mind to it
• he showed me, by example, how to have a happy marriage
• he showed me, by how he treats my mom, how a man should love a woman
• most of all, he showed me what I needed to find for myself - a kind, loving man with a sense of humour and the ability to laugh at himself and thank Jebus I did.

For these reasons and so many more that there is not enough blog space in the world to write them all, I love my dad. I hope I have many more Father's Days with him to tell him over and over how much I love and appreciate him.
Happy Father's Day Daddy!

DEAR LOTTERY

Dear Lottery,

I write this letter in protest because I have done nothing other than be an utterly faithful, loyal purveyor of your goods. I never miss a week. I buy multiple products. In other words I contribute substantially to your upkeep. What is my point you ask - well here it is.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START GIVING BACK TO ME!

I am sorry - did that seem like I was raising my virtual voice. It is only my frustration of not having won a jackpot that makes me a bit crazy. I have done nothing but praise you and support you for years and you still have yet to really reward me appropriately.

I am not asking to win the entire gigantic jackpot - but a portion of one would be just fine with me. Did you note my unselfishness? I am only reminding you that we have a mortgage and I would like to not work anymore due to the fact that I hate it.

As I have indicated to you on many past occasions, I would only do good works with the money. Assist my aged parents, contribute to charities, add to the local economy - and so much more. Also, having me win the economy would be good for the environment - as I would not have to drive to work, a lottery win would help reduce our carbon footprint and better the air quality for all concerned. Lastly, we are not ugly people and would look good in the paper when you take our photo holding onto the giant cheque. I know that you have your reputation to think of and do not want any unattractive people to be associated with you - you have your standards and I totally understand that. I hope this helps you better understand how a jackpot or part thereof for us would really be a good thing for all concerned.

With all of the aforementioned evidence, you can see that we are the ideal candidates for a winning lottery ticket. I urge you to once again, please consider my request.

I remain faithfully yours,

DiDi

SMELLS LIKE?

So there I was on Friday - yearning to be home and with my sweet husband and pooch and away from the city where I had to wear Man Pants - so I changed my flight to an earlier time and off to the airport I went. I checked in through the obligatory machine, waited in the line for the bag tag, pretty much stripped to my skivvies for security and then sat my ass at the gate to wait for my flight.

It's called and I think to myself that I am headed home - YIPEEEEE! I march to my seat - 17D, an aisle and close to the front of the plane - SO HAPPY. I sit down and am immediatly overcome by an odour - of unwashed person. I discreetly sniff under my arms and can determine that it is not me, there is no one across the aisle from me so it must be the man in 17F - the window seat. Mother-of-pearl that smell is bad - so bad that I move my nose into my shirt so that I can smell the fabric softener I use instead of him. How can someone allow themselves to smell like this? How is such a smell possible? Can he not smell himself? Was he traumatized by Psycho as a child and now can no longer step into a shower without the immenient fear of death? These are the questions that are running through my mind when I realize that I must endure this heinous smell for 4 long, torturous hours. I have determined that God, she is really pissed at me for something I did.

A man comes and sits in the middle seat and I have a barrier betwixt me and the unwashed man. Halleujah!!! I can still smell him but it is fainter and blocked by the human taking the scent bullet for me - and for that I am eternally grateful to the man in 17E.

This ends my tale of business travel as I am home, safe from man pants and smelly men. It makes me want to click my heels together and say "There's no place like home!"

MORE TRAVEL TALES

When I began packing for this trip to Calgary - I knew that I didn't need much - comfortable clothes to fly in, a good book, black pants and branded shirt for the trade show floor makeup, blow dryer, skin products, etc. All was packed into my suitcase and off I headed to Calgary.

I arrive, take out clothes and hang them up to get rid of the wrinkles in the shirt and pants and this morning I go to put them on only to discover I brought my husband's pants instead of my own. I am wearing man pants! MAN PANTS! MAN PANTS!!! I'm sorry - perhaps I should say trousers. I AM WEARING TROUSERS!

If I had known this piece of information yesterday when I was in the mall shopping (3 new tops at Banana Republic) I would have thrown a nice pair of pants into the mix as well. The only silver lining to this story is that I am feeling thin in the pants. Thank Jebus that my husband is not a skinny minny or I would have been so screwed.

However bad your day may be today - you can always think to yourself "At least I am not DiDi today who is wearing her husband's TROUSERS at a trade show".

BUSINESS TRAVEL - LOVE IT OR HATE IT???

Last week, I spent a scintillating week in our fair capital city of Ottawa, Ontario and will be spending 3 days in Calgary this week - both trips for a series of trade shows - and after travelling for work for the last 17 years I can honestly say that I feel meh about it anymore.



I used to love it - this was of course in the good old days when I actually got to travel to nice places (Madrid, London, Monaco), fly business class and have a VERY healthy expense account. However, even that got old after a while when you realize that your friends are having a great time without you; you haven't had a date in months because you are never home; you really want a dog but can't have one because you are never home and finally you are ALWAYS tired and not fun to be around.

So I found myself a job where I can still do what I love and travel very little. I don't mind the travel so much or the hotel - it is just the bother of it all. So here are my pros and cons of business travel

Pros
- airline points for future personal travel
- room service
- shopping in different cities
- trying new restaurants
- hotel points to be used for personal travel
- ordering movies from the comfort of your hotel bed
- being able to sleep sideways, diagonally or whatever direction I so choose in the lovely king sized hotel bed

Cons
- sitting on a plane with Typhoid Mary sitting beside you hacking all over you and your book
- all of those damn restrictions in the airport
- having to pay for airport water because the damn terrorists
- not being able to sleep beside my handsome husband
- missing my dog
- dry hotel rooms
- eating alone

Hmmm - equal pro to con ratio. I guess that means I better zip it and stop the whining. Never fear dear Internet - I will do my best to find something else to bitch about and get back to you shortly.

PS - HATE TRAVEL! My flight got screwed up and I am now sitting at the airport, waiting for my flight that is now at 3pm. My original flight was for 12:00 noon but I have been rescheduled for 3pm. Gotta love the 4 hour layover at the airport!!!!!

AND WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN...

Today our sweet boy Arthur is one year old - and what a year it has been. Neither Wilson or I had had a puppy in years and we were woefully unprepared for the experience. Having said that - I wouldn't take back a single moment - umm, ok maybe the time Arthur bit my va-jay-jay with his needle-like puppy teeth.

Arthur - 9 weeks old

Watching him discover our neighbourhood, one lamp post, blade of grass and driveway at a time has been a truly wonderful experience. Somehow, before we knew it, the sweet puppy face was gone and this amazingly handsome dog was living in our house. In the course of a year we have gone from 9.2 pounds to 70 lbs; from 11 inches long to so big we don't even measure anymore and from needing to be carried most places to running so fast that he is a blur.

Arthur - 1 year old (at Grandma & Grandpa's farm)

He is our boy and we love him dearly and he loves us back more than humanly possible. He has brought us to tears with laughter, filled our hearts with joy after the sorrow of losing our beloved Maggie, reminds us daily of how to love unconditionally but most of all, he made us a family of 3.

Happy birthday buddy!

HOLIDAY WEEKEND

Here is the summary of my holiday weekend:

• planted, planted and then planted some more - and still have more to do
• shopped for the last time at Pottery Barn with a 40% discount. Thanks B - the last 7 years have been kind to me. But seriously - do you have to quit?
• consumed LOTS of wine
• one hangover
• one take out dinner due to aforementioned hangover
• watched a lot of TV due to rain ALL weekend and aforementioned hangover

What didn't we do?

• get to spend ANY time on our boat because it was too damn cold and rainy ALL damn weekend

Trying not to whine because it was a good long weekend - just wish it had been a tad warmer! However - a 4-day work week is utterly divine! Happy Tuesday everyone!!

STUPID THINGS I HAVE DONE THIS WEEK

I am VERY well known amongst my gang of friends for being the loud, klutzy, spilly drunk friend who occasionally does stupid things - mainly to myself. See below for this week's stellar examples of my unparalleled examples of my own stupidity.

• punched myself in the face this morning. Why you might ask, I was fixing my collar and my hand slipped. And now my jaw hurts.
• tried on 4 different tops, settled on one and realized as I was driving away that not only did I not change my bra, but I did not put on the camisole and so I have showing my boobs off to the entire office building today.
• Was playing soccer with the dog last night and twisted my ankle. I know that I am not athletic AT ALL so why do I try to do these things. And yet, even though my ankle hurts today I am wearing heels.

I just realized dear internet - THE ABOVE HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS! Good lord - I am beyond hope. In my head I am the ever graceful Audrey Hepburn. In reality - I am Bozo the clown!

The next time you see a girl walking down the street with a stain on her shirt, her bra showing and limping, please be nice to her - it is probably me!

SUMMERTIME - AND THE LIVING IS EASY....

There are a couple of things that I love and to me immediately evoke memories of sunshine, heat and all things summer. One is soft serve ice cream and the smell of sunscreen - you know the kind that smells like beach and coconut.

I grew up on a farm and there were no soft-serve ice cream trucks that went through the neighbourhood with the kids screaming after them "Ice creeeaaaammm!!! Ice creeeeaaaammm! - a la Eddie Murphy. However, when I moved to the city after college, I was quick to discover their delights. I love me this treat - always a vanilla cone dipped in chocolate - and allow myself only 1 per summer or else I would weigh 400lbs. I have tried to like the other flavours - chocolate or the vanilla chocolate swirl - but I always go back to the my tried and true favourite. As I was driving home today, I drove by one of those trucks, with his annoying music playing, and all I wanted to do was scream out the window "ICE CRRREEAAAMMMM!" but then EVERYONE in my neighbourhood would know for sure that I am a total lunatic!

The sunscreen smell is heaven on earth to me. Alas, due to my pale skin, Hawaiian Tropic doesn't work for me but I am like our dog Arthur around the BBQ when someone is wearing it - constantly sniffing the air. It totally takes me back to high school, sitting in the sun on our spare periods all greased up and trying to get a tan. Little did I know then that tanning and I would never have a relationship.

With our first long weekend of the summer coming, all I can think about is sitting in the sun (with my Ombrelle 30 on and a wide-brimmed hat) sniffing the air for the scent of coconut and my ear cocked for the sound of the ice cream truck. I can't wait!

A CASE OF THE CRANKS...

I have a bad case of the cranks - and I mean bad! Last night, I was such a complete bitch to Wilson. Seriously - it was an unprecedented level of bitchiness. I scared him a couple of times so badly with my overall bitchiness that he was afraid to answer my questions because he was worried that he would answer wrong. Which was probably a wise move.

I tried everything I know to get the cranks to go away - wine, wine and more wine, cheese, chocolate and nothing worked. I did not have a chance to try the surefire cure - shoe shopping which we all KNOW would have worked its usual miracle. However, I wake up this morning and dammit all - the cranks are still here. Thank Jebus that the crossing guards were gone by the time I drove through the neighbourhood this morning because I might have run one of them over.

Wilson might seriously consider leaving me if I come home again as grumpy as I did last night. However if he were a smart man - he should just point me back out the door and send me to the nearest mall with the instructions "Do not come home until you buy a pair of shoes that gets rid of the cranks!". I know that will NEVER happen but a girl can dream. And of course because of the cranks - the fact that I know it won't happen makes me cranky.

It is a cranky connundrum - what is girl to do!

WHAT HAVE I BECOME...

As I was driving into work today, there were a number of instances that made me go hmmmm...

- man in bright yellow car (we know what he is over compensating for!) comes roaring up behind me, passes me and then cuts me off and then got caught at the red light that I was slowing down for. My first thought was - "All that hurrying and it got you nowhere!" My second thought was - 'Mom get out of my head!"

- he then takes off like a crazy man - passing as many cars as aggressively as he can and my third thought is "let's hope that jackass doesn't kill someone while he rushes to nowhere". Again my mother says this (I never use the word jackass - asshole is more my vernacular) all the time and I had to come to the realization. GOOD LORD! I AM TURNING INTO MY MOTHER!

I knew that after spending my formative years with my parents that there would be some residual effect on how I think, act, etc. but this crap is kinda scary! Does this mean I am going to start reading Danielle Steele in hardback and loving it? Or taking up scrapbooking because it is fun? Or making conversation with complete strangers in the grocery line? Or going to church - REGULARLY? Or not gossiping EVER and cleaning up my trucker mouth? And GULP! does that mean I would have to give up drinking? OK - just breathe because we all know the last 4 will NEVER happen!

Being more like my mother would make me a much nicer person but I think my friends would run screaming for the hills looking for their gossipy, bitchy friend who drinks far too much!

Thank heavens I got to work and started slacking the minute I got here. I felt all normal and not mom-like because my mother would never slack off EVER.

WHEW! That was a close call!

HAPPY CHEESE DAY TO ALL

We here at our office - decided that there are not enough holidays to celebrate so we invented one and believe that will be come a international sensation. It is called Cheese Day - The Holiday with Culture!

To celebrate this holiday is VERY easy. You must first decorate - every house has cheesy items that need to come out and be on display. Secondly - you must play the music of Cheese Day -every one's CD collection or iPod has cheesy music within it - anything from the 70s qualifies. (Secretly I was hoping that David Hasselhoff would hear about our holiday and make an appearance as he is the Grand Master of Cheese - but alas, he is to busy trying to resurrect some kind of career.) Lastly you go and buy copious amounts of cheese - all different kinds and then add in some nice crackers and Presto Cheeso! you are ready for Cheese Day!

I am off to go and enjoy some fromage with friends and hope that all of you do the same. And don't forget the Cheese Day slogan - Cheese Day - It's Cheesetastic!

PS - I know that those of you who are lactose intolerant feel that this holiday should not be celebrated as much as it is - and to you I say, take a Lactaid and join in. Cheese Day is for everyone!

A GOOD START TO MY DAY

This may make me seem petty but I got whistled at by a construction worker this morning and DAMN! if that did not give my spirits a lift and make me walk with a bit more wiggle to my hips. I am 41 and this shiz does not happen with the regularity that it used to.

So today I am loving the construction workers around my office! (this will last only until they hold up traffic and then I am all about the honking and back to being pissed off at them)

Happy Thursday to all - just one more sleep to the weekend!

WE'RE IN!!

Summer has officially begun for Wilson and I as we launched our boat, Summer Breeze, yesterday. Alert your livers sorority girls - boating season has begun. Bring on the heat weatherman - this girl wants to get on the water!

LINK'D IN

Today I feel like I have arrived (finally!) in blog land. Why - you might ask? I have been linked in a blog roll - actually 2 blog rolls. Dating at Forty and My Friends are Sluts (which I have to say is the best name for a blog EVAH!) have now included me in their blog roll! I know that this post officially makes me a big, blogging geek for being so damn excited about it - but who cares! WOOO HOOOO! I feel all official now!


OK - moment of jubiliation is now over and back to reality. I think to celebrate this official day of wonderfulness - I must do something. Hmmm, what to do, what to do...(saying this while trying to look like I have not already formulated an answer). I know - I must go buy a pair of pretty shoes to celebrate. They will be forever known as my 'Link'd In' shoes!


Thank you fellow bloggers - you have totally made my day!

A DAY I WILL NEVER GET BACK

Today I was forced to sit in one of those soul sucking training sessions - you know the one - endless PowerPoint presentations, speakers that drone on and on and on for way to long until you want to stab yourself with a pencil to relieve the boredom. Praise Allah that ReRe was stuck in the session with me because at least I had her for entertainment. All I could think of the entire time I am there is that I WILL NEVER GET THIS TIME BACK!

However, all was redeemed when I got home because in our mail was the 2008 Spring Selections catalogue from Tiffany. Suddenly my severe case of the cranks vanished whilst I looked at pretty, sparkly things. This is what needs to happen during soul sucking presentations - flash a slide of a Tiffany box just to get my attention every once in a while. I am like one of Pavlov's dogs - I will pay attention just to see the box again.

Thank you Tiffany for mailing me a coated paper catalogue that I didn't request on Earth Day. I realize that I should be appalled at the trees you murdered to produce it but with all the pretty stuff inside it - that is the last thing on my mind.

Happy Earth Day to all!

I HEART PASSOVER!

Alas, Passover has passed over us for another year! An evening of much hilarity and beige food happened on Saturday evening. My favourite highlights:

- much singing in Hebrew (Wilson, Mellie and I did not partake in this part as our Hebrew education is sorely lacking!)
- kosher dills
- the beet horseradish
- brisket
- learning that sage is a goyish spice - I never new that sage was more goy than Jew - Who knew?
- hymns and camp songs to end the evening - nothing like hearing Jews singing Amazing Grace to make you giggle!

The only explaining of my love of Passover is that I love to eat carbs, laugh A LOT and that I was a Jew in another life. It really is the only explanation. And though I ate more carbs in one meal that I have since Christmas - I can't wait for next year!

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!

It's passover time again! Now in our very WASPY house - we do not celebrate it but ReRe in all of her Jewishness does. This makes me VERY happy! I love it all - beige food, carrot tsmimis, apple kugel with dinner (which still confuses me as it tastes like dessert but it is not) and all of the ceremony that goes with it.

Bring on the matzoh brie, tsimis, pickles and blintzes!

I wish all of you a happy passover! Good Yountif (ReRe will let me know how badly I have misspelled this word!


PS - If you get to go to Passover this year and you are not Jewish - take it from me, pass on the Gefilte fish and the Manoschevitz. You can thank me for this later!

IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

I have a photo inclusion in the Schmap Texas Second Edition. Again, Flickr leading the charge on this one again. Wilson and I were in Houston in January for an industry conference and got the opportunity to go to Minutemaid Park where the Houston Astros play for a SuperBowl party. We went down onto the field and with my Blackberry camera I snapped a photo of the scoreboard and poof - 2 months later this guide found it on my Flickr page.

This is such a total kick for me I can't even tell you! I don't get paid a dime for them including my picture but I do get photo credit (yeah, yeah I know that photo credit doesn't pay the bills or get DiDi that pretty pair shoes - but it is fun for this photo geek!)

Here's hoping that it happens again soon and that the next time, they pay me A LOT of money! Then my sorority sisters and I can go for lunch and shoe shopping. Life just wouldn't be better than that!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG

There are crocuses in my garden with more flowers to come as evidenced by the amount of daffodil, hyacinth and tulip leaves we have protruding from the ground. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I don't care one wee iota that it is raining today and will rain the entire weekend and that means that traffic is going to suck. All that means to me green grass and leaves on trees and spring is finally here! Can everyone give me a big AMEN to that one.

I know that there are lots of you who live south of the 49th parallel who have more flowers than you know what to do with right now but for me, these small, hardy little flowers who poke through the ground when it often still feels like winter out - mean the world to me.

Happy spring dear Internet - we all deserve it!

AT LONG LAST!

I am wearing open toe shoes for this first time this year! Praise Jebus that spring has sprung, the snow she is almost gone and the pretty shoes are on my feet!

There is a god and she lives in the shoe department of Nordstroms!

IT'S OFFICIAL

A little known fact - well maybe not so little known, at least to my friends - is that I am a photo geek. I love taking pictures of just about anything and anyone (but mainly of Arthur - our dog). This is my only - and I do mean only - artistic venture. I do not have a creative bone in my entire body. Drawing is out, creative writing - not so much (as anyone who reads this blog is well aware - a Nobel prize in literature will NEVER happen for me), handicrafts make me frustrated and Wilson has banned me from ever painting in our house ever again.

However none of that matters as (pause for dramatic effect)...

wait for it...

I have sold my first photo!

(insert marching band, parade, showers of money)

Regarding the showers of money - not so much but small cheque did find me! A scrapbooking magazine wants to use a photo that I had in my collection from my brother's wedding in 1985. I was a bridesmaid and wore the worst bridesmaid's dress in history. You think yours is worse...check it out for yourself.

However these ever so crafty people took the above photo and did this with it

And that is how I am now a published photographer. I do not care if it ever happens again - this was a total thrill for me. Thank heavens for the keywords at Flickr or it never would have happened.

Yay - my work is out there in some magazine. I am a published photographer! Look out world, here I come.