MAD ABOUT MAD MEN

Mad Men premieres this Sunday after making us wait far too long for more Don!  There are not words to express my love for Don Draper.  I know that he is a bad man, a cheater, a liar - not nice to women, blah blah blah.  However - I DO NOT CARE! 

However dear Internet, I have a problem.  I have left my former home which carried AMC on our cable supplier and it was also available on demand - and have moved in with family until this divorce mess gets settled and I can find my own mortgage to pay.  Here is the bad news part - my families cable provider does not carry AMC!  ACK!!!  HOW AM I TO GO WITHOUT MY DON?  Better yet - how will HE survive without me?  My only hope is that iTunes will carry Season 4, episode by episode - otherwise Internet, I am coming over to your house on Sunday nights around 9:45 pm to watch.  All I ask is that you only talk to me on the commercials. 

I'M STILL STANDING...

Dear Internets

I am still here - but just don't want to turn this place of fun and frivolity into a dark place filled with whining and talk of divorce.  I am kind of creatively stunted right now but I know that once the final bits and pieces of this process fall into place, it will all come back. 

 

I am reading you all still and will be back with new stories of my single (again) life, dating after 40 and sharing a dog with an ex-husband (I cannot give that brown face up! -- Arthur's that is).  Wilson was a huge part of my life and I need to figure out how to fill up the space that he took up with other good things and will share those adventures with you.

 

Will update more once the creative juices start flowing!  Know that I miss you all dear internets - more than you know!

 

 

ON A LIGHTER NOTE...

I am down 12 pounds!  As far as I can tell, this is the only upside to starting separation and divorce proceedings but I will take it.  I have not been on a date in 8 effing years but I do remember that looking good does help you get 2nd dates.  Having a damn spare tire and a flabby ass do not help in that catagory so the fact that they are disappearing does help my battered ego. 

And another good thing - since I didn't get rid of some of my favourite clothes from 2 years ago when I could fit into them, it is like I have new clothes again...without having to go shopping and spend money that is now earmarked for a lawyer. 

12 pounds down - here is hoping another 10 pounds to go!  Bring on the skinny jeans!

A VICTORY OF SORTS...

Just when I was feeling my worst – unpretty, unlovable, un-everything (it was an excellent pity party - remind to invite you next time!) – I tell a friend in the office of my current situation as I have to change Wilson as my beneficiary on everything and she tells me that she is in the process of divorcing her husband as well and their situation is VERY ugly filled with restraining orders, police visits, lawyers, lawyers and more lawyers. This is when I realized that I need to be grateful – just because my marriage is coming to an end – I do not have to worry about my safety EVER!



I realized that while this may not be what I want and am worried about the future and how I will afford all the bills that are going to be coming my way, dating after 40 and all those normal post divorce things – I am not worried for my safety. I know that I will survive this and come out the other side OK. I know that I will figure it all out, with the help of amazing friends and family, and I will be OK – better than OK.


Life is messy – but it is the mess and the cleaning up of the mess that shows you what you are made of and how strong you can be. So far today I haven’t cried at work – and that is a victory!

AND SO IT BEGINS...

So as previously mentioned, I am at this moment, only technically married to Wilson - and just writing that sentence is surreal to me.  He has been such a huge part of my life for 8 years that I can't really comprehend that we will not be growing old together. 

The process has started - lawyers, real estate assesments, financial discussions, Arthur discussions and we are being very mature about things (so far), but still I am overwhelmed at times with memories, what-would have been wishes and dreams.  And to tell you the truth - that really sucks!

I do know that the next phase of my life is all about me and that is REALLY hard to comprehend.  Having been a 'we' for so long, being back to 'me' is seemingly unfathomable right now.  I am trying not to get overwhelmed by the massive amount of changes that are a-coming but right now I feel like I am lost on a raft in the ocean being buffeted by very large waves. 

However, I have learned one thing in this process - I really liked being someone's wife and hope with all of my badly bruised heart that it will happen again.  Right now I am trying to take the words of Dr. Seuss to heart - Don't cry because it is over, Smile because it happened. 

Still - should anyone want to come and kick Wilson in the shin for me, I wouldn't say no!

HELLO OLD FRIEND -IT HAS BEEN A WHILE...

Hello old friend - it has been a while. I had many posts started and then everything changed over here in Sorority land.  It seems that while I was happily married to Wilson, Wilson was not so happily married to me.  I am not sure how I got here but here is where I am - broken hearted with a broken marriage.  

I thought that I did it right - waited until I found a good guy, fell in love and then got married.  To me, this was for life and no matter what I thought we could handle anything.  I thought that Wilson felt the same way - but it seems that I thought wrong.  

So here I am - not sure how I got here and right now the view sucks but here is hoping that it all gets better soon! 

MERRY MERRY

CHRISTMAS FROM OUR HOUSE TO YOURS!

MAKING MY LIST, CHECKING IT TWICE

In the spirit of the season, I have made my list and checked it twice, so I thought I would send it to you dear Internet:

• Christmas gifts purchased - done
• abovementioned gifts wrapped - done
• tree purchased - done
• abovementioned tree decorated - done
• begin making menus for inlaw visits - done
• purchasing of crap white wine for family - done (Seriously, Wilson's mother and grandmother drink Black Tower - my teeth hurt just writing this sentence) - done
• house decorated - done
• Arthur's Christmas collar and leash dug out - done
• annual argument with Wilson about how much Christmas costs and that you can't abdicate all shopping responsibilities and then bitch about how much money is spent (when in reality it was not a lot, but we have done a couple of big projects on the house and have line of credit debt right now that freaks him out - but then all debt freaks him out!) especially when the presents are for his family as we draw names in my family and the limit is really low - done
• take back abovementioned Christmas gifts because of aforementioned argument in which my husband was an idiot - done Yup, I took most of the presents back! 
• make up from said argument - done
• laugh about argument - done

How goes your Christmas prep? 

 

THREE YEARS AGO TODAY...

On a beach in Philipsburg, St. Maarten, Wilson and said I do.  While we may make each other crazy sometimes, there is no other person on this earth that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with.  As I said to him this morning - 3 years down, 47 to go!  And I can't wait!  Happy Anniversary Baby!

 

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME INTERNET!

I am back - have been sick and now work is INSANE!   I have 3 posts that I have started and want to finish and most of all I miss you all! 

Wilson is out with the boys drinking to excess on Saturday night - my plan is to settle down with a bottle of wine and update!  Won't that be fun - reading the ramblings of a drunken 40 something.  I know that you are all waiting with bated breath!

Chat soon!

PS - You all have really nice shoes today and your hair looks great!  Have you lost weight because that outfit makes you look extra thin today!   I heard that flattery gets you everywhere so I thought I would try it.  Let me know if it works!!

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS...

If loving Donny Osmond is wrong, I don't won't to be right! 

I know, I know, I have been absent but I have lots of excuses:
- travel, travel and more travel.  Seriously, I was in China
- sick, sick and more sick.  Not kidding, heinous cold
- Jet lag - spend 20 hours on a flight and then try to be funny or creative
- work.  A significant lottery win is required to relieve me from this daily 9-5 affliction. 

Anyway, just watching Dancing with the Stars and my love of Donny Osmond is still alive!  If that makes me uncool, so be it! 

I have many posts started and saved.  Stay tuned, many posts are a-coming!  Missed you all!!!

BITCH! WHINE! MOAN!

The title says what I am about to do!  Things I hate about business travel - in no particular order are:

• jet lag
• hotel rooms that are too dark - they think it is modern and nice, I think it is stupid
• shitty room service menus with no variety
• small planes with people who like to talk to their seatmate - even when she has her headphones on
• people who don't get the whole metal scanner thing and leave everything in their damn pockets and have to be searched- which holds up the line
• people who just stand where their stuff comes out of the xray machine and block it so that those of us who also have stuff coming out can't get it until they put back on all of their layers, pick up their minutia and otherwise annoy the CRAP out of me
• missing a good Sunday afternoon of football and relaxing on the couch because I had to get on a plane
• when your electric toothbrush somehow gets turned on in your suitcasea and then you have to use it like a manual toothbrush for the rest of your trip
• crappy hotels with plastic wrapped water glasses and shitty wine that tastes like kerosene
• those who do not shower before getting on a plane.  Seriously - do us all a favour - wet your body once a day, cover with soap, rinse and repeat.  Your pores will thank you as will your friends, family, colleagues, random strangers on the street, fellow subway goers, plane seatmates...you get my drift!

 Yeah, yeah - I know, I earn air miles with which Wilson and I can use to take a vacation except that when I get some 'not on a plane' time, I don't want to get on a damn plane! 

But there is a good side to business travel - nothing beats that joy you feel when your meetings end early and you get to go home 24 hours sooner than you ever thought you would!  And nothing feels better than landing at your home airport and knowing that soon, very soon you will get welcome home kisses and sleep in your own bed. 

AND AWAY WE GO!

Where did I leave off???  Oh yeah - a great first date.  Seriously - in the world of first dates - this one was world class in my books.  So I am thinking to myself - a 2nd date should be in the bag.  Right?   Wrong!  Now, you all know the ending to our story so just play along here. 

We have the great, first date - he meets my gorgeous dog, we eat ice cream - it is all pointing to date #2.  I emailed the next morning to say thanks, I had a great time and it would be great to do it again.  The response - lukewarm at best.  As I read it my brain started gearing up for an implosion.  The hell?  Did I imagine the great date?  This email, is of course forwarded, discussed A LOT and analyzed by many a great girlfriend. 

Week 1 - much discussion amongst DiDi and girlfriends that he must be busy. 

Week 2 - much discussion amongst DiDi and girlfriends that he is an ass*

Week 3-5 - DiDi has officially given up

* - this is before "He's just not that into you!"

Now, somewhere around Week 4 of no call, no follow, NOTHING - I had to go to a tradeshow and I knew that he would be there.  Y'all can imagine the painstaking detail I went through to look amazing at this show.  This was my attempt at "I will show you what you are giving up Wilson!" or another loose translation of this is "Eff you!"

So I got back to my life - working, walking the dog, hanging out with friends - all in all, lots of fun.  One Monday morning, I come into work and there is a voicemail waiting for me.  I don't know about you but I hate voicemail that is waiting for me in Monday morning - it usually means that someone has been into work on the weekend and they want to see me to dump copious amounts of work on me.  However, this time it is not - it was Wilson!  I am listening to the voice mail on my speaker phone and I hear his voice and I cannot pick up the phone fast enough.  He is calling to ask me to a Lobster Party this weekend.  FINALLY!  After 5 weeks of waiting, I finally get a 2nd date.  I am to call him back if I am interested.  ReRe, of course, from the minute she heard Wilson's voice on the speakerphone, ran her ass over to my desk.  We discussed waiting to call back to appear 'cool' but let's be clear about this - I have never been a 'Rules" girl and I never will.  I wanted to go so I called him back within 10 minutes of getting that call.  Date 2 booked!  Let the stressing about the wardrobe begin immediatly! 

Finally, after many consultations, it is determined to appear casually sexy.  Don't want to look like I am trying to hard, etc.  FYI - again, not sure I am a casually sexy kind of girl but I gave it my best shot.  Black, sleeveless V-neck top, with casual drawstring pants and pretty shoes.  Hair was flipped and makeup was light.  The twice-a-day workouts also helped because I managed to lose 3 pounds before the date.  So wish I could do that these days!

He picks me up - actually parks the car and comes up because he wants to see the dog!  This gains him HUGE points with me because Maggie was a huge part of my life and if she liked you, it went a long way!  We leave, go to the party and are the 2nd people there.  I am handed a drink right away and realize very quickly that this is going to be a long drunken night and I better pace myself.  More people start to arrive and at one point, Wilson is off helping our host get the lobster pots ready and I find myself surrounded by a gaggle of women who all know each other and are fairly new, first-time moms.  I now know that Wilson needs jobs to do,  and likes to help out at functions.  In other words, he needs to feel useful.  But at this point, on date #2, I did not know this - all I know is my date is no where to be found.  Once the conversation in my group leaned toward potty training, breast feeding and mommy & me play groups - I excused myself and went and hid in the bathroom.  Apparenly I was gone a long time because Wilson came looking for me and knocked on the bathroom door.  After I explained about being Mommed to death, he kept me near him and made sure to introduce me to nice people. 

Something to keep in mind here - our host Terry is known for throwing great parties.  Lots of booze, etc.  For some reason his wife (now ex-wife) never did any appetizers.  So everyone just feasted on cocktails.  Also, for some unknown reason, we never ate dinner at this lobster party until between 9 or 10 pm.  I think you all get where I am going with this because when all you eat are olives and vodka for hours, a party can really get going in a BIG way.  This was my 2nd date with Wilson!

Finally, at around 9:30 pm, we sit down to dinner - and yup, you guessed I am DRUNK!  However, I am also in great company as my date is drunk and so is the rest of the party!  We eat, flirt, laugh, flirt, pretty much everything and flirt - all fueled by my dear friend alcohol.  We help with clean up and dishes and by this time, I have lost the ability to enunciate and walk in a straight line.  I think it is 2:00 am, but apparenly it is only 11:00 pm.   The rest of the evening's details, while a bit fuzzy, will be left to your imaginations, but suffice it to say, after that we were officially "together"! 

Any hoo, we begin dating and I knew this one was different.  There was no game playing - he called when he said he was going to call, wanted to see me, introduced me to his friends, met mine, walked my dog with me and became someone that I knew I wanted to spend more and more time with.  I kept waiting for the shoe to fall from the sky and bonk me on the head - in other words, kept waiting for him to turn into an asshole but it never seemed to happen.  Finally I realized he wasn't going to be an asshole to me because he wasn't an asshole.  I had finally met a grown-up and he wanted to be with me and was very clear about this.  I was falling in love and it felt good and right and true.  Finally after much waiting and dating of assholes, I realized that they were just practice for the real thing.

Next installment - how do we keep the music playing?

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

So he called!  Well, really he emailed but who cares!  Is there a better feeling in the world than the boy who gave you the butterflies; the za za zsu; that crazy feeling in the pit of your stomach; the heart palpitations...OK, you know what I mean - contacts you.  Nope - not even a really good pedicure and y'all know how much I love a good pedi!!

We email and flirt, we call and flirt some more and then being the good sales guy that he is, he closes the deal and makes a date with me.  It was a Thursday evening at a local Thai restaurant just up the street from my house.   There are no embarrassing lulls in conversation, lots of laughter initated by both of us and otherwise a great evening.  We decided to walk and get ice cream for dessert - both of us love it and there was a great ice cream store around the corner from the restaurant.  We walk, get our cones and then were going to walk around the neighbourhood before heading for home.  However, Mother Nature had other plans - she is a crafty one she is.  It starts to rain and we head for his car for cover.  My apartment was around the corner and I suggested that we go back there (totally innocent suggestion - I SWEAR!).  We go back to my place and Wilson gets to meet the real love in my life at that time - Maggie.  For some reason, this dog who never and I do mean NEVER liked anyone when she first met them, decided  on the spot that Wilson was all hers.  Seriously, she sniffed him, let him pet her A LOT and then laid her head on his knee - all of this before we had even kissed properly!  Wilson, to his credit became a large pile of man goo because of her attention and I have always felt that I owe our relationship to her in some way.  Our joke is always that Wilson met me, liked me, thought I was cute but then he met Maggie, fell in love with her and had to take me because I came with the dog.  Seriously, is it bad that your dog gets ALL of the heavy petting on your first offical date? 

Here is how bad my dating life was before the self-imposed man hiatus - we had a great evening of good food, laughs, easy conversation  - and I was completely caught off guard by that.  It had not happened to me in a long time and I was totally gobsmacked by it.   So after the date, the next day, I emailed to say what a great time I had and wouldn't it be great to do it again.  The email I got back was, to say the least, not encouraging...lots of work, blah, blah, blah, get together again, not sure when, will call you!  In other words, a brush off, a nice one but still, a brush off.   I could not believe that I was the only one who had a great date but the evidence was telling me that "he was just not that into me". 

So I thought, maybe I had this great date to remind me not to give up on dating and men, just maybe going forward make better choices.  In the back of my mind, I just knew that somehow we weren't finished yet.  Little did I know how long I would have to wait before Wilson would make his next move.

Stay tuned!

ALONG CAME WILSON

So after lots of time, I reached the age of 36 and convinced that I was never going to meet someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with - let along bring home to meet my large, crazy family.  I decided that I was going to focus on my career, have fun with friends, enjoy my time with the dog and just have fun.  To this end, there was an opportunity for a some professional development that work was willing to pay for - it was a lot of money - so I took it and had a great time.  It was 4 days of networking and education and by the end of it, I was exhausted!   There was a swishy gala dinner at the end of it and while I wanted to go - there was some great entertainment - the tired half of me just wanted to go to bed.  But I dragged my ass there, got my table assignment and went in to eat and be entertained.  HA!  At a dinner of 3,000 people, I get stuck with a table of world champs at boring.   At this moment, I wish more than anything, that I had stayed home.

As I got to my table, I realized that I was at a table full of suppliers who were going to talk business with me all night.  No laughs, no fun - just more work.  A girlfriend walked by my table and stopped to say hello - and not being shy, I begged her to save me from my boring table.  Ten minutes later, she came back, told me there was a vacant seat at her table and to get my ass over there asap.  Which I did in world record time.  

I sat down beside my friend, said hello to everyone and then turned to my right, stuck out my hand and said "Hi, I'm DiDi".  The response was "Hi, I'm Wilson."  Did I know at that moment that I was sitting  beside my future husband?  Answer - NO!  However, I was wearing a great dress that showed off my cleavage, I was VERY funny that evening and if the truth be told, I thought he was gay so I felt no pressure.  That's right, I thought my future husband was gay!  In my defense, I am an event planner and 98% of the men in my industry are gay.  I just thought he was in the majority.  We are laughing, having a great time and I thought - nice guy, of course he is gay!  My friend who brought me to the table leaned over to me and whispered "I think that Wilson likes you!"  My response - "Of course he does, he's gay!".  To which she responded "Honey, my husband is a waiter, I know gay and that man is so NOT gay".  At that point, I reapplied my lipstick, turned back to Wilson and did not talk to my girlfriend for rest of the evening.  Funny enough - he went to university an hour from my home town and knew people I went to high school with.  As well, 2 of his closest friends are from my home town.  How is that for 6 degrees of separation!

We danced at the after party and had a great time and for the first time in a very long time, I felt actual butterflies about a boy.  All I knew was that I really wanted to see him again and did not have a single clue how to make that happen.   And then he called! 

Stay tuned - first date coming up!

IN THE BEGINNING...

In looking back at my many entries, I realized that I never shared the story of how Wilson and I became a couple.  As I think back on it, there was no meeting of eyes across a crowded room or declarations of instant love but it is still a good story.  But before I tell that story, let me share with you a bit my backstory.

My twenties were pretty typical - lots of fun, trips, guys and nights out with the girls at local bars.  I had lots of fun and made every bad decision about guys that you can make.  I went to see "He's just not that into you" with some work girlfriends and cringed in way too many places as I made most of the typical guy mistakes that were highlighted in that movie. 

Finally, after a couple of job changes I knew that I had to make some radical changes to my life.  I decided (1) to find a job where I did not travel like an idiot - my previous jobs had me travelling up to 60% of my time, which led to exhaustion, no life and a near breakdown - (2) go on a man hiatus and (3) get a dog. 

The right job came about after a while - I took some short term contracts to pay the bills, made some cuts in my spending and eventually I found a job with a great company. 

The man hiatus was to make me realize that I was OK on my own and to stop waiting for a guy to 'rescue' me.  I wanted to get my head and heart aligned so that the next time I met someone who gave me butterflies I would be able to determine if he was Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. 

The dog - Maggie.  Adopting my sweet girl from the Humane Society on that rainy October day in 1999 was one of the best choices I have ever made.  Because of her, I got into better shape from walking 90 minutes a day, 7 days a week, made great friends at the dog park and had to care for something other than myself.  Most of all, unconditional love met me at the door everyday with a wagging tail and that is the best thing of being a dog owner. 

By the time I met Wilson, I had changed my life quite drastically from what it was and I was in a good place.  I knew what was important to me and I was happy with me, my life and where I was.  I had stopped looking for a boy to save me and decided to save myself.  

And then came Wilson.  More on that later!

STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR!

Last week, Wilson and I went to see U2 and it was AWESOME! From the stage, to being surrounded by 62,000 people all singing along to some of our favourite songs, to having a great date with my favourite boy!

Those 4 Irish boys put on a helluva show and they were the one band that I have always wanted to see. So glad that I finally did!

 

While I really wanted Bono or The Edge to see me int the audience and invite me to come on tour with them (and perhaps be their tambourine player) but alas, I must wait another year for that to happen. 

 

However I have decided that I am One with the fact that I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For in the place Where the Streets Have No Name.  

 

 

I'M BACK!

Wow – have I ever been gone a long time or what! I have no real excuse other than feeling devoid of all creativity and anything funny to say. My job has reached a new level of insanity regarding workload/travel and general all-round craziness that it sapped all amusing anecdotes from me. Damn that ambition that made me leave my lovely old job where I had time to blog, read blogs I love, keep up on Flickr and in general do anything else but work.



Anyhoo, here I am - with my new ‘back to school’ mentality or as I like to think of it as 'back to blog'.  Here are my observations du jour! 

 Jon Gosselin – ENOUGH! Please shut up, go away and get off the cover of US magazine if you ‘hate’ the media attention. Go be a father for the love of God!


Kate Gosselin’s hair – better but still – it amazes me that her haircut made the CNN crawl!


Mad Men – I LOVE JON HAMM! This should come as no surprise to anyone who has read this blog of mine. Also adore Joan Holloway! This show is the total best!!


Business Travel – doing a lot of it and it sucks! That is all I have to say about that!


Shoes – had to go to Atlanta for business. See above for how I feel about business travel. BUT – while I was there, I bought 2 divine pairs of shoes. There is an upside to business travel after all – shopping in different cities!


Grey hair – 2 questions – why does it have to show up at all? Why does it have to show up so damn fast after a cut and colour? Stupid grey hair!!


Traffic – It is such a part of my daily life for the last year. But what really annoys me is how the slightest bit of precipitation causes traffic to slow down to the point where I think I can carry my car faster to work. Is this just a Toronto thing or does it happen in your city?


Summer – where did it go?

Here is hoping the 'amusing anecdote' part of my brain makes a comeback soon!

BECAUSE I SUCK AGAIN...

I give you this picture of Arthur at 9 weeks to view until my life becomes less crazy and I can write again!  I have no idea when that is but until then, I give you the flying ear.

UPDATED

At long last I have updated my blogroll - but have noticed that it has significantly shrank in the last while (since I got a real job and started working instead of blogging - damn that ambition and need for money to pay for my pretty shoe habit!).

Who are you reading internet?  Who should I check out these days?