AND ANOTHER SUMMER WEEK HAS COME AND GONE...

Well, a very long week has come and gone then a very lovely weekend aboard Summer Breeze! The week was especially torturous as ReRe left me for a week so that she could take a vacation. Why she felt that a vacation, to spend time with her children would be so important and good for her, was something she had to do is beyond me. She left me all alone at work, no one to play with or anything. Never fear, I will get her back at the end of August when I leave for 2 weeks of vacation - 2 weeks in a row!

After a stupidly crazy week of crap and bullshit, Wilson and I met at the marina. Wilson walked Maggie and I went to the grocery store to get us some dinner. Once back, cocktail hour began. See the picture below to see how happy Wilson was that we had begun drinking!

I was just as happy but our neighbour Kevin did not take a picture of me with my large cocktail! I was very, very happy to have a rye and ginger or many glasses of wine in my hand.
Saturday dawned and Mags and I had a lovely morning walk together after which we went back to bed. I have to say, I love a good nap - whether it is first thing in the morning or in the afternoon. On Saturday, I had both - it was truly decadent.

As you can see from this picture, Maggie totally supports her mom's view of napping! Frankly all this is a reason to show off a really cute picture of her.

Saturday night was a classic drunken DiDi evening. It begain with copious amounts of drinking - that started around mid-afternoon. We continued drinking cocktail and then moved to wine with dinner. While enjoying a lovely, I bit my own finger - so hard that it left a mark on the fingernail and was subsequently mocked by all. Then I proceeded to keep drinking after dinner and at some time that evening managed to drop my shoe into the marina. I did fish it out and then tried to snuggle into a camping chair - under the guise of being more comfortable but really I wanted to sleep. It was at that point that I realized that I was well and truly drunk and it was time to go to bed. I know it sounds like I have finally learned my limits - and perhaps I have in some way. But truly, when you try to snuggle down and have a nap in a camping chair - while still fully clothed and have one wet shoe - it does register with your drunk brain that it is time to go to bed. Somehow I made it through these 2 days of drinking without a hangover. I am not sure what I did that made this happen but when I find out - I will be repeating this over and over and over.

Sunday involved more sleeping and relaxing and then our weekend came to an end with take-out and movies. We finally saw Syriana as well as Matador. Still don't understand Syriana and am really glad that I closed my eyes and plugged my ears during the George Clooney torture scene. All Sunday ever makes me wish for is more weekend or a very large lottery win so that everyday is Saturday. Mental note - must go to buy large amounts of lottery tickets.

Here is to having ReRe back at work on Monday and another weekend very soon!

DiDi

GNO FROM GONOE (A.K.A. THE BEST SUSHI EVER)

As promised, the GNO outing happened today. Much hilarity ensued as it always does when we 3 gather. As DiDi sent out the meeting maker for the day, ReRe was in charge of minutes (truthfully, she does do the best at it - Mellie is never allowed as she will never do them). ReRe was challenged as she/we experienced car difficulties, but Sorority Sister that she is, she did these on her Blackberry while waiting for VW Roadside Assistance.

Minutes
Note: minutes written from the Gonoe parking lot where I still sit at 3:18 waiting for a tow truck as my stupid car has decided it is perfectly happy in park and is no longer willing to even consider another gear such as reverse or drive. So, in the interest of making good use of this time...

• DiDi and ReRe extremely tardy (due to very large accident that caused us to rubberneck like never before), leaving little blonde girl to order unlikely quantities of food;
• DiDi and Mellie to have Blackberries confiscated prior to future GNOs due to insufferably poor cell phone ettiquette
• Mellie thoroughly pleased with Tripod photos - see good photos of Stumpy below

• ReRe unable to appreciate Stumpy's sex appeal;
• ReRe somewhat concerned that Mellie and DiDi are oddly attracted to the Floopala
• Jewemy slightly wounded by others' less demeaning terms of endearment but still happily answers to Poopalla and Jalalloo (sp?)
• ReRe and DiDi not permitted to call Thurston and Lovie by their new names, nor to refer to any members of the Jewemy's family as Kennedys at Wedding Extravaganza brunch on Sunday
• All in agreement iPod man is lamé; ReRe much appreciative of sorority therapy but still considers her life a disaster
• Decision re breakup vs. anniversary celebration still TBD
• Mellie successfully persuaded The Jew to honeymoon in Italy;
• Mellie in serious danger of accidentally falling into an Armani suit;
• Mellie now accepting cash donations for wedding
• iPod man unable to contribute more than $1.95 as monthly entertainment budget already used up at Burger King
• ReRe and Jewemy in agreement on spending philosophy; buy now, earn (hopefully) later
• Mellie in full pre-wedding workout frenzy;
• lipo out of the question due to unsightly arm girdles;
• wedding guests unlikely to follow direction to avert eyes;
• arm flattering chicken-like elbows-out stance preferred
• DiDi considering new dress or Exlax-Metamucil combo plan to fit into lovely but small Carriere;
• strange rustling sounds on dance floor will be due to DiDi's Depends
  Mellie wearing white but DiDi true to form with severe soy spillage; three Tide-to-go sticks on hand but still a shmutzy shiksa
• DiDi and ReRe disappointed in not seeing Mellie's 5-year-old barrette-pigtail hairdo; will forward drawing later
• Mellie unable to return to work due to distance from car to entrance;
• unsure if "but I flat-ironed today" considered suitable excuse for illegal parking
• ReRe STILL in Gonoe parking lot at 3:48 Must go yell at someone.
• Next GNO - location: Cozy Nails. Date: TBD

ReRe car update - 4:14 p.m., still stuck in Gonoe parking lot as tow truck arrived but cannot budge ReRe's car due to location of restaurant. ReRe is now going to live at Gonoe, can eat lovely food, get a drink although the booths would not be comfortable sleeping quarters.

Email funny lines while ReRe waits for tow trucks

• Pretty sure I just watched my tow truck drive right past me. I may be here for days. Someone please send wine
• Is it bad to have sushi for lunch AND dinner? What about breakfast?
• Also REALLY have to pee but don't want to risk missing the damn tow truck. DiDi - wish you could have left me some of your Depends
• I think I am small enough to fit in one of the industrial sized sinks to bathe - don't you think DiDi?

God my friends are funny! They are even better in real life!

AND YET ANOTHER WEEKEND HAS COME TO AN END...

After a non eventful week, filled with work and wine, we find ourselves at the boat for another lovely weekend of relaxing and more wine. We were social butterflies this weekend as we have guests each day of the weekend. David and Michelle on Friday, Dr. Josie and Monte on Saturday and Eddie on Sunday.

Didi was a student at Wilson's School of Boating this weekend as I learned how we wash the exterior of the boat and I practiced docking the boat - both backing in and going in bow first. The goal is to be comfortable enough that by the end of the summer, I can dock the boat without Wilson calling out instructions to me and me being a nervous Nellie. I will never be the boat expert that Wilson is but I will be competent. I have to say that Wilson is a very good teacher. He is very patient with me and never gets anxious (that I can tell) which is very good with me as his freaky student. This is just one of the reasons why I love him.

Here is a picture of Summer Breeze at sunset. It was taken by our friend Kev who is a dock neighbour. You can see why we love to spend time on it - it is just so damn nice to be on the water. Also - here is a picture of Wilson and I - I would like to say all shiny and happy but we are just windblown (and yes, happy). The amount of freckles that are now on my face is very disconcerting. Also, here is Wilson and Maggie on the dock - papa and puppy all snuggled together in the sunshine. Shiny, happy marina love!

Sorority Update
ReRe is in upstate New York this weekend visiting family. We carefully perused the Chanel and Hermes sites before she left just in case there might be a whirlwind visit to Canal street. Alas no shopping trip happended but no worries, fake purses are going no where thank heaven, so we live to shop another day. However we are now have indepth knowledge of the recent Chanel line and there are many items we will immediatly purchase when we win the lottery (especially the white clutch with the interlocking Chanel C's as the clast). We were meant to own Chanel!!!

ReRe, have a good visit and come back soon. Work is dull as dishwater with out you (even though you are a workaholic now).

Mellie - chatted on Monday and Mellie has called for an ESR (Emergency Sorority Rescue). ReRe, DiDi, Miss Mew and significant others have been asked to attend a wedding brunch for Mellie and Jewemy in swishy Rosedale. Wilson is giving up precious time on the boat to go with me to the party. Thank heavens - although it will allow us to meet some of Mellie and Jewemy's family before their nuptials. When a Sorority sister calls and requests and emergency assistance all other sorority sisters come to their aid. See you on Sunday Mellie - you can say hello with a lovely mimosa.

Ciao for now and there is a sorority lunch scheduled for this week. I will make ReRe do her funny minutes and there will be a post from the lunch.

Kisses,

DiDi

HAPPY CANADA DAY PEOPLE (I know I am late but the sentiment is real)!

At long last a long weekend. Doesn't it just feel good to say the words long weekend - say it with me know - LOOOOONNNNGGG WEEEEEKKKEENNNDDD!!!! For me it was 4 days of total relaxation.

June 29, 2006
I woke up a with a titch of a hangover as we killed 2 bottles of wine the night before. I was on vacation but Wilson was not so I was celebrating. He had a breakfast meeting and then I was to drive him to work so that we would not have both cars at the marina. Needless to say, I quickly adapted to the day off - pretty much since the minute I hauled my tired ass out of bed and quickly moved to the couch to watch Good Morning America (I grew up near the Detroit border and have watched it since the David Hartmann/Joan Lunden days). Prince was on that morning - shout out to Patterson as she loves Prince more than anything (even her boyfriend).

Sidebar story - 3 years ago or so, Terri buys herself a ticket to Prince (this was in his jazz/blues, I don't want to play my previous hits phase) and takes herself on a date to see him. The seat was on the aisle on the floor and he walked throught the audience at one point and touched her arm. Please know that at the time she was wearing her Purple Rain shirt from high school. At that moment, as the man in purple wearing his mom's high heeled shoes touched her arm, I do believe she had an orgasm. When she came back to my place and recounted the story (this through a herb induced haze) and while watching copious amounts of Sex and the City, I think she had another orgasm.

So he played his new song - 'Get on the Boat' which I quickly downloaded from Limewire as I thought it was appropriate for the weekend. I then realized I had to get off my lazy ass and get dressed and get stuff packed for the boat and our weekend. At this point, my brain is mush and I forgot to pack so much stuff - like the food in the fridge for the boat.

I go shopping and run an errand (it was too an errand, I did not arbitrarily go shopping and leave Maggie in the car on a hot day). Traffic is terrible and by the time I am going downtown, it is much later than I thought it would be. In fact, it is so late that really I should have bought the food and be on the boat right now but I am all - la-di-da relaxed and singing in the car. Wilson calls and says that he is almost ready to be picked up and where am I. OOOPS - so much for being Miss Organized and on Ball. We go and get get groceries (at this point he is not all that thrilled with me and is good mood buzz kill) and my good mood kind of starts to go away. Our friend TV is launching his brand new 40' sailboat - called Manhattan - and Wilson really wants to see it in the water. We haul ass and get to the boat, rip Maggie off of her usual lengthy walk and sniff the entire marina and get the boat out and go.

We find Manhattan all her crew on the backside of Centre Island and this is where the story gets interesting. Wilson, sees them and speeds up - no problem. I am thinking, are we coming up on the starboard (right) side (like my use of the nautical term???) but no. He decides to hot dog it and turns the boat at the last minute to come up on the port (left) side. What was DiDi doing at this moment do you think - getting her cameral line up to take shot of Manhattan. What happens to DiDi when Wilson cranks the boat...she goes flying and slams (that's right people - I slammed) into the side of the boat. I have a large purple bruise on my ass to prove it. I think that Wilson was still pissed at my pokeyness earlier in the day and got me back but good. Needless to say - I was not amused. The boys on Manhattan loved the hot dog move - DiDi not so much.

I take a pile of pictures of the boat - here are some of the best ones...




Anyhoo, we follow along as TV makes his way to his slip at the RCYC (for those of you not in the know - Royal Canadian Yacht Club). Snob and sail central. They dock the boat and all get off and get her secured. At this time, Wilson, Maggie and I are blowing do-nuts outside the RCYC harbour waiting for the sign that they are ready for us and are going to show us where to dock Summer Breeze (Wilson's boat). We are patiently blowing do-nuts when a very large sailboat asks us to wait around as their engine is dead and they can't get their anchor up. The RCYC is sending our their Zodiac to help tow them in but just in case the Zodiac wasn't enough, could we wait and help. Sure we say as you always help a boater in need and so we do. We wait and watch the Zodiac can't move the sailboat as the anchor is stuck in too much kelp/seaweed/gunky stuff (at this point Wilson tells me that the anchor Bruce Plow type of anchor that is made to dig into kelp/seaweed/gunky stuff. Not that any of you needed to know this but it was Wilson's addition to the story. So in we come to help and they toss us the line from their boat. Let me segue for a moment and tell you that as we approached RCYC, I went below in our boat and on make-up, change my shirt (lovely white shirt) and otherwise make myself much prettier than before as we are going to a swishy private club. The rope that they throw me is older boat rope and not only that it has been in the smelly water for quite some time. The sailboat throws me the rope and, yup you guessed it, it hits me square in the chest of my lovely white shirt. Dirt is all over my shirt, white capris and my face. Wilson is giving me instructions and I am listening and trying to feed the line out so that we can tie them to our boat and then tow them in. Wilson is slowly trolling out so that we can extend the rope and the the sailboat shifted and moved really fast one way while we wre going the other. The next thing I know is that my left arm is being slammed against the back seat as I try to hold on to the rope and if I hadn't had my leg braced against the side of the boat I would have been pulled out the back of the boat. That would not have been good. I haul some rope back and tie it off and then we slowly and carefully manage to tow the sailboat back to their slip at RCYC. They are very thankful and then TV shows us where we are to park Summer Breeze.

We pull the boat up to the spot where we are to park the boat and get ready to tie it off. All hands are helping us and it is quick and easy. At this point, Maggie needs to have pee BUT we are told by our friend Mel (a long time member of RCYC) that dogs are not allowed on the island. At this point, you can imagine my reaction -- we have just towed a members boat in and out sweet and beloved fur-child needs to pee and she can't cuz of the pretenious club people (can you tell that I am not really a private club person). Mel says that we need to carry her off the dock (yup - carry our girl off the dock) and then walk her on the outer grounds and I know that she is hoping that no one will see us. My cynicsm and "I can't believe that you are serious about this attitude" is coming through in every pore of my body but this is what we have to do, so I do it. Wilson gets the boat secured and I take care of Maggie. She is thrilled by the new ground to sniff and all is good in her world. Wilson come to find me and we walk back to Summer Breeze and some member from her sailboat calls out to us that 'dogs are not allowed on the island'. Wilson takes this one as I think that he saw my 'seriously people' attitude and answered for the 3 of us by explaining that we just towed a members boat in and blah blah blah. We carry Maggie back to the boat, get her settled and then proceed over to Manhattan to see what see looks like and toasther maiden voyage.

We are on the boat long enough to get a glass of champagne each and for DiDi to have a piece of bread with cheese when our friend Shave says "Hey isn't that Maggie in the water over there?" At this point, everything goes into slow motion for me. I turn, see my baby in the water and panic. I turn, get off TV's boat as fast as I can and start running (in my ungainly, klutzy way) down the dock to get to my baby as fast as possible. Wilson is right behind me but has taken a moment to relieve himself of wallet, BlackBerry and keys as he believes that I am going to jump in the water after my baby. He is very smart because that is what I was thinking I would have to do. I get to our boat and jump aboard and Maggie gets closer to me and I grab her harnass to haul her out of the water. At this point, Wilson is right behind me on the boat and I am holding my sweet puppy for all that I am worth. She is freaking out and so am I - but we are both calming down sitting there together. After a few minutes, we move her into the boat and dry her off. At this point, I say to Wilson that he can go back to Manhattan but I am not leaving her. Wilson goes back to the boat to collect his wallet, BlackBerry and keys, finishes his beer, says goodbye to all and sundry and makes his way back to Summer Breeze.

We leave RCYC and head back to the calm and un-snobby atmosphere of our marina to make dinner, dry off and relax. Maggie is much calmer and so is her mom. We have a great dinner, a nice bottle of wine and laugh at the beginning of our long weekend. At this point, anything else would be anti-climatic. We spend Saturday at the boat and when I get up, I realize that I have a bruise on my left arm the size of Manhattan and it is swollen as well. After discussing what I did and how I could have done this to my arm, we piece it together that this mammoth bruise is from my arm slamming against the back seat of our boat before I could tie it off. Owie, owie and owie. It hurts a lot let me tell you. We spend Saturday night and some of Sunday at the boat. We leave mid-afternoon on Sunday to come home, water the garden, walk Maggie and get ready to go to Eggsy's house for dinner with him, his girlfriend The Young'n and the rest of Wilson's university friends and their wives. We sleep at home Sunday evening, in air conditioned comfort and then head to the boat for the last day of our weekend.

Monday arrives hot and wonderful. We spend the day on the boat in the sunshine and wind and have a great day together. We leave the marina and come home, relaxed, tanned and happy. There is nothing better than a long weekend!!! I hope that you all had a weekend like we did - a bit of excitement but overall very relaxing and happy.

Happy Canada Day to all and to all a good night!

DiDi

SO MUCH TO TYPE, SO LITTLE TIME!!!

So I have been a little lax (ok, downright lazy) about updating 'the blog', but I have been busy OK!

Let me bring you up to speed:

Thursday, June 21st
My new glasses came in at LensCrafters. They are Chanel (and not Fanel or the fake version but the real deal) and cost the earth. I have to say - LOVING THEM!!! They look great on me, if I do say so myself. I had to get new glasses after my old faithful pair fell into the Outer Harbour Marina. Yup, I knocked them off my face and it was like it happened in slow motion. This means that Wilson and I had to go to the mall and we bought him shoes! He bought 3 pairs and even offered to buy me a pair to replace the Birkenstocks that he hates but I love. Mellie - I now believe that all men hate them! There were no suitable shoes to replace them with so I did not get a new pair. Frankly I was looking for a cute pair of strappy sandals but the pickings were slim at the Fairview Bay. We (this is the royal we) bought him a 'hot' pair of Euro-style' black shoes which are awesome (look for those at your wedding Mellie) - totally not something that he normally wears; a pair of Kenneth Cole brown shoes and a cool pair of flip flops for the boat. It was a good day for Wilson's feet. I love just being near a shoe purchase. While not quite the thrill of buying pretty girly shoes that my friends will remark over, it is still fun.

Friday, June 22nd
Toddie-san celebrated his birthday will many friends - mostly from Pembroke and his MBA days. A good time was had by all - much alcohol was drank as well as crappy cigars. Highlights of the evening were:

• Steve cooking food for the masses so that we all would have food to eat
• Kerri getting Todd to make her an espresso to help her recover from her hangover from the day before so she could properly work on her hangover for the next day
• everyone taking bets on when Dave and Lorrie would arrive - 10:30 was the actual time of arrival. They called at 8:00 p.m. to get directions.
• Hearing the story of 'Songs to Shag by'. Let me elaborate: Toddie-san, Michelle nd Kathleen (whom Toddie was enamoured with) were driving in Tabbert's car (sans Tabbert) to Pembroke. Toddie ADD kicks in and he bugs the girls until they let him listen to the hockey game for half of the 4 hour drive. Once they say - enough to the hockey, he says to them "I have a really good cd that we can listen to". The girls think - anything but hockey and they put it in. Out of the car speakers comes heinous, freaky metal music. The girls are very scared. The CD is rapidly ejected from the player and Todd loses all radio priviledges. Come Sunday and all are driving home. Now Tabbert is driving her car back from Pembroke with everyone in the car with her. They tell Tabbert the story of the heinous devil music that Todd made the listen to and Toddie began to pout in the back seat. The girls feel sorry for him so he gives them the CD again. They notice the title written on the CD say - 'Songs to Shag by'. The girls think to themselves - excellent - R & B, songs we will know the words to, good driving tunes. Out of the car speakers comes even more heinous devil music which was quickly ejected. It was determined that this is the main reason why Toddie-san is still single. Nevertheless, Todd was banned from DJ-ing at his own party as all were afraid of the music that would start being played.
• Wilson and Dave putting the bucket of ice and water into Toddie's bed so that he would have a 'surprise' when he went to bed. Boys will be boys!
• Leaving and seeing the parking ticket on our dash - Wilson jokingly says, see where you parked the car, it got us a ticket (For the record, he drove down so that I could drive his slightly drunk ass home). My response - nothing says I love you like a parking ticket.

Saturday, June 23rd
This is the day of my niece Lisa's wedding! But first we must drop Maggie off at the dog nanny. I have to tell you - this is not easy for me. She is my (our) baby and she is old and really only loves us (really now she only loves Wilson but I am along for the ride). This is our pretty girl (this is her a few years ago before her grey highlights became so prominent)

We drop her off in Kensington Market area and my nervousness grows. Then the dog nanny comes out and she is a total earth mother and you can tell that she is all about the animals. Maggie leave us like we were yesterday's news and goes in the house to sniff for the cat. In her world, this is a good day. She will spend much time sniffing the house playing her game of "Where's Waldo" looking for the cat!

Off we go to Niagara-on-the-Lake and the wedding. But first, we head to Winery land! We are going to visit a bunch of wineries that we have always talked about visiting but have not yet made the trek. We end up hitting 6 wineries in total and buying about 5 cases of wine - none of which we can drink right now as it needs to be cellared for about 2 - 5 years. It was so much fun! We bought wine for my 40th, Wilson's 40th, my 45th and Wilson's 50th (which is 14 years away). When we walked into the Hilton Garden Suites - one of the groom's family asked if we bought wine for the wedding. Wilson's response - if I am buying wine for the wedding, there would be a helluva lot more than this". God I love this man!!!

We kiss my parents hello and go off to our room to get dressed. I am wearing a very pretty black and white flowered dress that I got at Ann Taylor Loft in South Beach and Wilson is wearing his gorgeous Hugo Boss black suit (For the record, he normally gets lucky when he wears that suit) and his cool new shoes. We look good!!! Off to the wedding we go and it is a scorcher - of course, the wedding is outside as is the reception. Wilson is officially melting. I compensate for the heat by drinking copious amounts of chilled white wine. I tell a funny story about my brother to get the bride and groom to kiss, we eat, we drink, we dance. I see lots of Lisa's friends that have got to know over the years - a couple of them even commented on my very pretty shoes (they are very smart girls) and there was a lot of love people. My brother and sister-in-law did not stop smiling the entire evening. My dad did an awesome grace before dinner and all in all the event was a blast!!!

My sweet niece looked absolutely beautiful in her wedding dress and it seems impossible to me that she is now married. I remember her birth and all the life milestones like they were yesterday. They are honeymooning in France and I know that they will have a long and wonderful like together.

(PS: I am sure that I lost weight at that wedding for the amount that I sweated while sitting and the the copious amounts of dancing - it was a total prescription for weight loss! A girl can dream can't she???)


Sunday, June 24th
We get up - I did not have a hangover for the record - but both of us are starving. Breakfast is provided and Wilson and I are not shy about getting ourselves food when we are hungry. We scarf down some chow and then head home to get our pretty Maggie from the dog nanny. Maayan (the dog nanny) is so sweet - she took Maggie and the other dog she was caring for on a 2 hour walk and then had them both sleep with her. She said it was great to be part of a dog sandwich. Believe me, I know how much of a bed hog that Maggie can be, I can't imagine that she got much sleep. Maggie is VERY happy to see us and off we go to the boat which makes Wilson VERY happy. Our dear friends Rich and Rahel come down for a cruise and dinner and it was a great end to a very busy weekend. By the time we get home you have never seen 2 more exhausted people and one very tired dog! We fall into bed and sleep the sleep of the dead only to wake up on Monday and begin the madness all over again!

Will update on the Holiday weekend when I get another moment.

DiDi

WHAT TO WEAR TO THE 'DO' OF THE YEAR (AT LEAST ON THE SORORITY CALENDAR)

Mellie to ReRe and DiDi

My lovelies … On an invitation to functions the order of operations for attire is as follows:

Black tie
Black tie optional
Formal
Semi-formal
Business
Business casual
Kevin Federline

That being said, any lovely frock that you dawn is fantastic – ReRe the Carriere may be over dressed for a afternoon wedding at the cottage, but truly, who are we to judge, it is stunning, so afternoon be damned!

Poop-ala (a.k.a. Jewemy) will be wearing a suit, I will be in a more casual wedding gown and flip flops (the do have sparkles on them) I have made arrangements to hire staff to remove the pair of you from sticking in the lawn periodically, but not to worry, the dance floor will be solid and perfect for your delightful footwear. (her invitation mentioned something about sensible footwear choices of which ReRe and I do not own that kind)

Does this all make sense? Sorry for the delay in my response, I have not picked up my messages as I was hiding from my phone.

Mellie

This is in response to many voicemails left for our Mellie with curious questions as to what we should wear to her wedding. This is a very good example of why we love her so damn much - we think she is the funniest!

ReRe's response to our Mellie
They truly are among the funniest women in the world - at least to me.

My dearest Melliehead Rose,
While you are severely delinquent in your response times, the quality of your response certainly more than compensates for your tardiness.

Thank you for the lesson in the order of operations. Am now re-thinking the Carriere, lovely as it is, in favour of a new and more appropriate purchase. I am never one to waste an occasion to purchase something frivolous with outrageous cost-per-wear when justification presents itself, such as the wedding of Poop-ala and Melliehead Rose.

Footwear, however, is another story. I for one will NOT be wearing flip flops. Keep the staff ready and please secure big strong men as Thicky and Gunty may not be so easy to lift from the lawn.


This wedding is going to be mucho fun!!!!

MANY BLOGS AT ONCE...ALL OF IT VERY VERY BORING!!!

June 18
Father's Day and it is smokin hot today. We spent a great weekend on the boat together. ReRe would disagree because to her there is no better place on a smokin hot day than her pool but for us - the best place to be is the boat. I drove the boat for a while and we had a great afternoon. Me - the palest girl around - actually got some colour.

Sorority lunch at Gonoe tomorrow. Great company and great sushi - it doesn't get much better than that! I am sure there will be much to discuss re the wedding and its copious amount of details, ReRe and iPod man, DiDi and Wilson and all things sorority. Will update when I can.

DiDi

June 16
Worked like a crazy woman today - golf tournament (1 of 2) and I was up at 4:45 am. That is really fucking early!!! All went well - Thank God for that and now I want to sleep the sleep of the dead!

DiDi

June 15
YIPEEE!!!! Wilson comes home today. He certainly was missed and I think the most by Maggie. I have had a killer week and she has not had her 'used-to' level of attention that the only dog of doting owners is used to getting. Wilson will get the greeting of his life when he walks in the door and she sees him. Her tail will pretty much wag off her ass.

I will just jump on him when I see him. His travel is done for the summer and we can spend some great time together on the boat. I do love that bald head of his and when it isn't around I am reminded how much I love his company.

DiDi

June 11
It was a mini gathering of the sorority as I went to dinner at Mellie and Jewemy's delightful abode. I went to have dinns, see friends and to take some pics of her wee cat Sebastian (a.k.a. Stumpy, Tripod, etc). Stumpy has recovered from his inner ear infection and is right as rain again.

Many laughs later, Mellie mixes herself and me a lovely cocktail and we continued to sit on their back deck and chitter chatter away the evening. Mellie gives me my wedding invite - it is lovely and I have already RSVP'd for Wilson and I.

Mellie made us a dee-lightful dinner nad then the 3 of us had a rousing conversation where Jewemy called me a radical feminist. Good times!

Came home, watered the garden and took Miss Maggie for wee walk! 3 more sleeps until Wilson is home from his trip to Quebec City.

DiDi

June 10

Wilson left this morning at the crack of stupid - his flight was at some ungodly hour to Quebec City for an annual convention. He will be gone for 5 days - EEEK! He goes to this event every year and has a great time. Last year he and his friend David were the co-chairs and it went swimmingly well. He will come home SO tired and a wee bit hungover and hopefully he will have missed me some. Maggie and I will certainly miss him. In the interim, I have a stack of magazines to read, movies to watch - and in general have a date with me.

Wilson has called from his crappy hotel outside of Quebec City. It is worse than bad and he is not a happy man. I on the other hand have just had a nap and am about to go for a walk with Miss Maggs. I think I got the better end of the deal.

DiDi

DRUND AND DELIGHTFUL???

My friend Sharon sent this to me and I laughed out loud when I read it. Laughed at the humour and in embarrassment as I have totally done most of these things. One would think that with the milestone birthday coming up that I would become more mature and not do this shit anymore but NOPE!!! - still an idiot when I drink to much.

Have a laugh on me...

When woman drink too much...

• We have no idea where our purse is
• We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our butt while yelling 'Woo Hoo' is truly the sexiest dance move around
• We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe we could do it too
• In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we were just a mere 4 hours ago
• We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them sooooo much
• We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because 'Oh my God - I LOVE this song!!!"
• We've found a deeper, spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us
• We've suddenly taken up smoking and become REALLY good at it
• We yell at the bartender - who we believe cheated us by giving us just lemonade - but that is just because we can no longer taste the gin/vodka/rum/rye - whatever
• We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor (or the mop)
• We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down when we sit on it
• We take our shoes off because we believe it is their fault that we're having problems walking straight
• We get up to go pee in the morning and think - gosh, I feel so good after that night of drinking - I am just going to go back to bed and sleep a little more. Then you wake up after that nap and you have never felt worse.

I have not done all of those things at once but I have done most of them. Here is an original DiDi drunk moment...

- come home and go to bed. Wake up a couple of hours later and feel really, really sick. You think to yourself, maybe you should go lay down on the bathroom floor as a preventive measure. You lay down on the mat with a towel for a blanket and have a nap (I call it a nap, some call it passing out).

Again, I realize that as an almost 40 year old woman, I should not be a wacko - but every once in a while the wacko rears her pretty red head!!!!

DiDi

THAT BIRTHDAY IS COMING....

My 40th is fast approaching and I am NOT handling it well. I resent people who are younger than me - especially when they say stupid stuff like - "Gosh I am getting so old, I am almost 30". It is all I can do not to give them a good swift kick in the shins. Then I realize that I am more confident than I have ever been, am more comfortable in my skin and feel sexier now than when I was 30. The milestone birthdays bring so much angst in the build up and then they arrive and you think - "What was I so worried about?"

Having said that, I still love it when people say to me - "You're almost 40 - I would have never guessed that" or "You don't look 40 at all". I am not sure what 40 is supposed to look like - but as long as I don't look it - I am happy.

I am lucky to have a number of girlfriends who have reached this milestone before me and they are beautiful, sexy, smart, savvy, confident women who make 40 look good. I look to these women as examples and am trying to emulate their joie de vivre as much as I can. That being said - Mellie, you still need to age quicker!!!

My gorgeous girlfiend - the Doctor sent me this. I have read this before but appreciate it much more. Here it is for the internet to read...


This is for all you women 40 years and over.... and for those who are turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 40's... AND for guys who are scared of girls over 40!!!!...

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

• A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
• If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
• A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
• Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
• Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
• Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
• A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
• Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
• Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
• Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

Please share with your women friends over "40".

Andy Rooney
CBS 60 Minutes

While he is too old for me - as I like my men younger than me - I do love this man!!! Thank Andy - I do feel better about THAT BIRTHDAY now!

DiDi

WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN!

In every girl's life there are moments that are pivotal...

• your first pair of REALLY nice shoes - mine were black patent leather Mary Jane's that my mom bought me when I was the flower girl in my brother's wedding. I was 6 and she also bought the foam that I could use the clean them. Thus began my love of black patent leather shoes
• your first crush on a boy - mine was in Grade 1 and it was Jeff Mifflin. I got in trouble from the teacher for trying to kiss him (I was always ahead of my time). As I got older (Grade 4) I do remember saying to myself - "What were you thinking when you were 6 - he is a geek!"
• Your first love. It came late for me - I was nineteen and had moved away from home to go to school and his name was Craig Westhaver. I gave him my heart, we got engaged (too young to know how stupid I was being) and then he broke my heart. He was also my first time - and wait for it - it was on Valentine's Day.
• When you meet the person that you know you can make a life with, who also makes your heart skip a beat and whose kiss continually makes your toes curl with excitement.

For me that person is Wilson. He is so smart - he does math in his head (like calculus and everything - the stuff that makes me break-out in hives), makes me laugh a lot, is a human furnace - which I appreciate on those cold winter nights, damn fine looking and sexy as hell. He is not perfect but for me he is all that and a bag of chips. There have been so many moments that make me all squooshy about him - like the first time Maggie decided she really liked him and laid her head on his arm - he became a pile of goo on the couch and is still goo-like when it comes to her; the first time he reached for my hand at the In-water Boat Show; the first time he said 'I love you' first; that on our first Christmas together, he picked up my sister and 2 nephews at the airport and drove them to meet me at my parents and he had never met them yet; that he is kind to my developmentally challenged brother; that he is a good and true friend; that he calls me on my crap; that he calls ReRe and Mellie just that cuz I do and so so so much more. But mostly I love him just because he is him - good points, bad points and all the inbetween points.

We have had our ups and downs and weathered some mighty rough seas but we are together now and just knowing that he stands with me and supports me when facing tough issues means more to me than he will ever know. Wilson, I love you lots and now the internet knows too.

DiDi

NOT MUCH NEW TO SAY...BUT FOR A PERSON WITH NOT MUCH TO SAY THIS IS A REALLY LONG ENTRY

We had a hysterical Victoria Day weekend - but the build-up was anything but.

Let me explain...about a month ago, Wilson had a discussion with one of his best friends, Fatso (how men can call a friend that and still have him be a friend - is beyond my girl brain) about the long weekend and what were they going to do. No one had concrete plans so Wilson invites them up and that was that...or so we thought. Four weeks pass and we don't hear from them and we forget about the invite. Last Wednesday, Wilson calls Fatso to catch up and asks him what his plans are for the weekend. And yup, you guessed it, they were coming to our house. Key points to remember here is that I have just finished moving in (read exhausted) and we are really in no position to have guests (read boxes everywhere, bedroom not ready, etc) but we HAUL ASS! and manage to get our abode ready (we kind of have a fight during the process but all was made well the next day).

Friday arrives and I have taken the day off as I have planned a DiDi day of beauty. New hair, new toes, new nails and a facial - it is all good! However, due to weekend guests, I must now add getting sustenance for the hordes to the DiDi Day of Beauty agenda. And so that I get all that he wants, Wilson has given me a lengthy list - And I do mean lengthy!!! That man does love his lists let me tell you.

By 2:15 p.m. - I am supposed to be on my way to the 2nd stop of DiDi's Day of Beauty (the new nails part) but alas I am not. I am at home, unloading groceries ($270 worth - and it must be said that I spent more on the food than I did on my hair) as well as unloading a spew of pissy-ness (I just made a word) on Wilson (who was at work). Holy crap I was cranky - the traffic sucked, the grocery story was crowded, people were annoying and no one stopped me to tell me I had really nice hair - WHICH I DID PEOPLE!!! Would a compliement have killed any of you in Loblaws????? Seriously - a pretty girl with KICK ASS hair at a grocery store is not all that common at 1:00 p.m. on a Friday afternoon!!!

Wilson is all - "thank you sweetie, you are the best DiDi ever! I appreciate your hard work sweetie and now just run out of the house and finish your DiDi Day of Beauty. I will finish the list never you worry. I KNOW what he was really thinking - "What kind of freak have I let move into my house? All I want to do is enjoy the weekend and now I am living with Sybil". I believe at that moment he wondered what chemicals Greg had put in the hair dye as I was not the same happy person who left the house that morning.

I get to my nail appointment (late by the way) and the stress begins to leave my body as I am being massaged in a chair and dead skin is being scraped off of my feet - this is utter bliss to me. There is no better bliss than Cozy Nails with their free smoothies, inexpensive pedis. Sharper Image massage chairs and FREE chocolate. Sybil slowly recedes and DiDi comes back - with soft skin, files nails and pretty pink toes. I am truly a better person when I leave Cozy Nails.

I leave Heaven (A.K.A Cozy Nails) to go home and see my beloved and have time to decompress before the hordes descend. I think about how I need to have a shower, put on some make-up, etc and of course, smooch my handsome man who I yelled at earlier. As I pull up to the house, I notice cars in the driveway. Welcome back Sybil! It had been 2 whole hours since you last showed up!!!! FUCK was said a number of times out loud in the car!!! There went the decompression time, the shower, everything!!!! Eddie and Ponch were in the house with Wilson having barley sandwiches waiting for Fatso and Vicks. Ponch called it - frankly I think Wilson tipped him off that I was now Sybil - and said "Bet you thought you would get 30 minutes alone in your own house before everyone got here! Wrong!!!!". You know that I am screaming FUCK!!!! in my head but say - "Oh no - it is fine!!!".

I walk into the kitchen with Wilson and notice a large bouquet of flowers on the table from Wilson and Sybil recedes. He wanted me to know that he was sorry the DiDi Day of Beauty was not the stress free day it was supposed to be. He then walks Maggie and I get to stay at home with Eddie and Ponch and an alcoholic beverage. Have I mentioned how much I love that man! So sweet to me, brought me flowers and I was a raving bitch to him. Hmmm - mental note, become raving lunatic Sybil bitch more often...

Wilson returns and he, Eddie and Ponch call Fatso. Fatso then mentions that he invited Wild Bill for the weekend...the boys look out the front window and, yup - you guessed it again, Wild Bill is walking up the driveway. At this point I am in the kitcen making dinner for all. Wilson comes in to update me and at this point I have to laugh. Sybil has again receded and DiDi is back. It will be a good weekend after all.

Fatso and the Vicks arrive shortly thereafter and MUCH alcohol begins to be consumed. Did I mention MUCH alcohol. Wilson and I make dinner for 7 - and it rocked. Teriyaki salmon on the BBQ, balsalmic potatoes/onions/mushrooms cooked also on the BBQ and a fantastic salad. Not only that - totally donned my Martha Stewart hat and baked an Angel Food cake to go with the fresh strawberries and raspberries I purchased inbetween beauty appointments. God I rock!!! Our wine fridge stocks were totally depleted that evening. Wilson tallied it up the next day and here is what was consumed - 7 bottles of wine and a case and a half of beer for 9 people. Our friends are alcoholics - that is why we love them.

At this point, Mary Jane (as my mother used to call it) Herb joins the party. Love her and her little buds of stoner goodness. Fatso establishes a 'work station' and begins his role of roller extrordinaire. All in attendance are now very full, happy and very REEEELLAAXXXXEDDD!!! My stomach hurts from all the laughter. Much hilarity ensues and Mary Jane makes everyone happy. I had the best seat in the house as I was sitting beside Wild Bill - King of the One Liners - and he was hot on Friday nite. Between the tokes and Wild Bill - I cannot remember when I have laughed that much. Especially when Wild Bill decided that he ate too much and went and put his jammies on then comes back to the table.

At about 9:30 p.m., Eggsy and The Young'n show up to see Fatso and The Vicks. At this point, there are 2 women, nay girls, at the table under the age of 30. I feel Sybil making her return to the party!!! Eddie announces that we need more wine and Sybil says out loud - 'Make The Young'n as she is the youngest'. Yup - Sybil is in fine form.

The Vicks goes and gets the wine - which is appropriate as she is the 2nd youngest and also brings much bottled water. At this point - we bring out the Stoner Buffet (A.K.A Snacks). Fatso utters his best line of the weekend which was - "DiDi, you know what would be good right now - SNACKS!!!!!!!". You have never seen grown men fight over Nilla wafers and low fat Cool Whip like they did at our dining room table. It!Was!Hilarious! In total, 4 bags of mini rice cakes, 1 box of Nilla wafers, 1/2 container of low fat Cool Whip, 1 box granola bars and 3 bags of microwave popcorn was consumed. Then I went to bed and Fatso ate much of the contents of our fridge - 1/2 a container of hoummous, ham, prosciutto and olives.

At some point during the evening, The Young'n took herself into the den for a wee nap. Sybil receded at this point because - she may be young but has no stamina. I have may be as old as dirt, but can still hang with the best of them. Needless to say, once The Young'n did this, the Vicks could go as she outlasted the youngest in the room. Eggsy was not happy as The Young'n was to drive him home so they could leave to visit his parents (4 hour drive) the next day. You know that your relationship can make it when you survive a road trip, hungover and you are going to visit the parents. I think they left around 4am - not sure. I am sure that it was a quiet drive for those 2. I can only imagine the passive-agressive and sarcastic comments flying around during that drive - but I could be projecting what I would do. They could have been fine.

All in all, it was a great start to the weekend. Much more laughter and we saw the DaVinci code. Sybil is in recession for a while - but she never stays away very long.

DiDi

IT'S OFFICIAL

I have cleaned out the old pad and have officially moved back in with Wilson! All items that are to stay are in our house (note the use of the word 'our' in front of house) and the rest is in the garage for a church around the corner who has an annual garage sale. I realize this good deed will not get me into heaven or even close to it but it does mean that we don't have to store it or sell it and that is a good thing.

Next weekend is entirely ours - no packing and hauling, no schlepping, NOTHING!!! Just blessed relaxation on our (again the use of the word 'our') boat.

Well Wilson, the 2nd time around is better. I do love you lots and all of my friends have decreed that they will never move me again, so this had better work.

Ain't love grand!

OPEN TOE SHOE DAY!

Oh what a day! Sun was shining and the temperature was in the mid 70s. ReRe and I both wore cute capris and...wait for it - OPEN TOED SHOES!!!!!!!! Oh happy day!!!! There is nothing better than the beginning of summer and the wearing of cute summer clothes and open-toed shoes!!!!

We love nice weather but more importantly we lurve open toed shoes!!!!

Bring on the sunshine and more days for open toed shoes!!!

DiDi

FUNNY AFTER MINUTES COMMENTS...

My fellow sorority sisters are HILARIOUS!!! Here are some emails that were flying around after the last set of Minutes were distributed:

Mellie's Dwarf Name
Upon much reflection and deep consideration, I believe my dwarf name would be spazie. It just has a more all encompasing description of moi. Otherwise I think it would be lumpy.
Thoughts?

DiDi's Response
I vote for Lumpy - goes much better with Gunty and Thicky

ReRe's Response
Absolutely -- Lumpy 100%. ( Not that I think you're lumpy at all Mellie -- you'll always be a beautiful blonde shiksa to me) but I think Lumpy fits in much better with Gunty and Thicky. God we're so damn attractive!

Drunken ReRe post - the spelling is as received
By the way Melliehead, you'll be pleased to hear that DiDi and I both had mini-accidents today (though I wonder if you can truly call it an accident when you set out to do it, as in me today or when you book a personal shopper at Holt's).

Details: DiDi- The Gap (of course), under $200.00 -- many capris and tanks. Me - Zara (on a break between downtown meetings today, decided to ignore the horrificallly large sizes required to fit my very not Jewish ass into their clothes) bought a white jacket (not Theory but still, yeah!) Matching capris, brown capris, 3 tanks, a couple other thngs but can't remember what exactly as it was many glasses of wine ago.

Fyi -- pinning while intoxicated is much fun. Apologi2 for any typos. Must go back to boyfriend now and drink more wine )thank god for wine, right ladies?) Love you girls. Ciao bellas Oh my acciddent was $300.00 -- still well under 10 % of )ours. Mellie so I should keep shopping, right?

Mellie Response to Drunken post
My Dearest sorority sisters:
Let me start by saying how proud you make me - accidents of any size are wonderful. Hint: how to know when to stop shopping - after your inner you says you should really stop, and you've gone so far beyond that dollar figure that your inner you completely gives up and throws in the towel of talking good sense to you OR If your credit card actually exhibits burn marks from all the swiping OR VISA fraud centre calls and the clerk is instructed to look at your driver's licence - that is when it is likely you should call it a day.
I find the more wine I drink, the more money I spend, however, it may also interfere with your ability to tell if your ass does indeed look fat in those pants. That's why we only shop places with excellent return policies!!!

ReRe final response
Excellent points on all counts darling. One question though -- how exactly does one shop while drinking? Do you have a driver that I'm not aware of? Obviously one cannot be expected to take public transit. I'm baffled. Also if I were to shop while drunk I'm very afraid of what I might but. I might have a real (Mellie-style) accident. Mind you...that sounds fantastic. I am in for drunken shopping.

Does the Internet now understand why I love these ladies! Drunken shopping, drunken emails, drunken everything!

IF MELLIE CAN'T COME TO GNO, GNO WILL COME TO MELLIE

• Stumpy the cat is not well – not that he walks well on a good day but is walking more like a drunken sailor than usual, Mellie is concerned
• ReRe and DiDi determined that if Mellie can’t come to GNO, GNO will come to Mellie
• DiDi goes to liquor store (the store where everything fits) and buys lots of wine
• DiDi has VIP status at liquor store – it is the place where everyone knows her name
• Pick up ReRe, call Mellie on swishy new Blackberry with speaker phone
• Drive through stop sign due to paying attention to phone and not driving – NOT GOOD
• Mellie orders the dinner before we arrive as we are all VERY HUNGRY (DiDi is eying ReRe’s arm as a snack but she is sick so DiDi decides to wait)
• ReRe is sick and has taken multiple medications to avoid reaction to Stumpy (ability to breathe blessed oxygen critical) and not honk her poor nose until it falls off due to bad cold
• Arrive at Mellie’s – driving DiDi’s car so ReRe does not need to park for DiDi
• Jewemy is in residence as he has come home from a business trip and is also sick
• Determined that all boys are very sucky when sick and that no one has ever been as sick as them ever before in the history of man
• ReRe and DiDi have dressed especially for Jewemy – in his fave things – Yoga pants, running shoes and German tourist shoes a.k.a. Birkenstocks (Mellie is prohibited from wearing all of these items out of the house – esp German tourist shoes)
• Jewemy (dressed in pullover, button-down shirt and flannels) laughs but we know is secretly thinking that Mellie’s friends dress very poorly when going out of the house
  Mr Pipe and slippers departs upper area of home as he is a boy and not allowed
• Mellie has the box of Kleenex that is soft on her nose for ReRe
• ReRe is happy!
• The blessed grape has been poured and we are all enjoying
• Hark – what is that but the dee-lightful sound of the ice cream truck
• All sorority girls mouths immediately begin to water – dreams of soft ice cream begin
• Let it be said that Mellie, not DiDi was the first spiller of the evening
• DiDi too much and has to move glass over towards Mellie as she is driving the Honker home and was enjoying her wine A LOT!!!
• DiDi and ReRe share their Sorority dwarf names – DiDi is Gunty and ReRe is Thicky.
• Mellie must come up with her own dwarf name – Blondie is not acceptable
• Sustenance arrives and massive consumption begins
• Dinner clean up completed and sorority field trip to Dairy Queen begins
• The Driving Queen (DiDi) drives her sorority sisters to Dairy Queen (land of dee-lightful ice cream)
• All have small (but in actuality a lot of ice cream) with both hot fudge AND marshmallow
• MMM MMM Good!!!
• Dee-lightful goodness is eaten in DiDi’s car – 3 happy sorority sisters
• Cruise back to Mellie’s house
• Depart due to sick boy (Jewemy) and sick girl (Re
• Re)
• Determined ReRe is way better sick person as she drinks while taking copious amounts of medication and the world does not come to an end due to her cold
• ReRe and DiDi leave Casa Mellie
• Another good sorority adventure
  

Key notes from meeting

• Sushi good
• wine better
• ice cream – FANTASTIC!
• Head colds, bad
• ReRe – a TROOPER!!!
• Next event at DiDi’s house!!!

TODAY...NOT SO GOOD

Not fond of Today
I am feeling that today is going to just mediocre. ReRe not at work today to amuse me; Mellie's cat, Stumpy (just one of his many nicknames - Floo, Tripod (courtesy of Wilson), That Cat or The Reason I Can't Breathe at Mellie's House - ReRe) is very ill and as such she may not make our next Sorority Meeting - today seems kind of meh!

However, tomorrow is will be a joyous day as the Sorority will be together in its entirety!!! DiDi, ReRe, Mellie and JuJube - provided that Stumpy is better!!! There will be much hilarity, wine and minutes! I love Sorority nights!

Stay tuned for next Sorority post - it will be a good one!!

DiDi

EVERYBODY NEEDS A ReRe

Since this is our blog and I am the updater, I think that everyone should know the members of the sorority. As previously mentioned, we are the Charlie's Angel's of sororities and ReRe is our brunette.

It seems so long ago that ReRe came to work at the same place as me and life has never been the same. She sat on the other side of the wall and she thought I was fun because my row was all guys and we laughed all day (it was the best sexual harassment I have ever had).

Before ReRe came, I was the only 'crazy/loud' person on the floor. Thank God she finally arrived or I was going to die a death of being appropriate and business-like. Heaven forbid!!! Hard as it is to believe now, when ReRe started she was Little Miss Keener. In fact, in a one-on-one with our boss, I was told how refreshing it was to have ReRe and her newness as she was all excited to do ANY project and I was all cynical and "Do I really have to do that boring job for that boring person?". Knowing ReRe as I do now, it amazes me that she managed to hide her cynical side as long as she did.

Some of my favourite ReRe moments, in fact all of them, involve her innate ability to be snarky and quick with a comeback. Moments that I love are (in no particular order):

• when our VP of Marketing sat down in front of her to explain the changes in the department and the promoting of our new boss suitably dubbed 'Fat Ass', ReRe's remark was to the VP who said to her it was a hard day for him, ReRe said "Why did you get demoted today too?"
• In a performance review with above-mentioned Fat Ass, ReRe has been known to remark when Fat Ass said that people find it difficult to work with her "People or you". I love that she said that!
• that ReRe loves the Burberry and Chanel as much as I do when all we can afford is the fake stuff (secretly we love the fake stuff a lot as we can own so much more of it)
• she loves shoes as much as I do. She will stare at shoes in the windows of stores and say "Hello Lover" with me
• there are so many ReReisms that if I listed them all, this blog would be a new record in length

ReRe is an great mom to her funny, smart, amazing kids. In fact, she is a true blue, born in Winnipeg, Jewish mom. She cooks large quantities of food, feels guilt over everything and threw her son a Bar Mitzvah. For a Jewish girl she loves Christmas more than anyone I know. Mellie gave her much joy this year when she gave her her Christmas present in a stocking - giving her her most desired goy tradition. Mellie and I hope, for ReRe's sake that one of her kids marries a goy and then she will get Christmas - at least by proxy.

There is so much more to say about our ReRe - how much she loves tank tops and cardies; how she will tell you if your hair scary red (as in it will scare small children it is so red); she is the best person to have on your side if your go through a crisis (like your boyfriend breaks up with you); she is the only girlfriend I have who Wilson could say he had a dream about (they almost did it in the dream) and it doesn't bother me (OK it did a little bit - especially after Wilson kept rubbing it in and calling her his dream girlfriend) and she loves wine A LOT!

ReRe had the balls to leave an unhappy marriage and make a better, more happy life for herself and her kids. She writes like no one's business (especially Sorority minutes) and has the fastest sense of humour of anyone that we know.

Her boyfriend iPod man is one lucky guy. ReRe is the perfect girl for him and Mellie and I want a long future for them.

Everyone needs a ReRe in their life - someone to give your perspective when yours is gone; someone to make you laugh when you think that you can't; someone who will always be a great friend. Mellie and I love her and now the Internet knows why.

DiDi

THE RULES OF SHOES

As a member of The Sorority, it is a must that you LOVE shoes. Not just the "aren't these cute I got them on sale' type love. But the kind of love that makes you walk up to the window of your favourite shoe store and say "Hello Lover" to the pretty shoes in the window. The kind of love that makes you look at a women's shoes and decide on the spot you like her just because her shoes are really nice.

Shoe love is like no other - it can squeeze, hurt, pinch and just generally cause great pain and we come back for more - as fast as possible. It is the only love around that when you buy a beautiful pair of shoes and they hurt your feet, that you don't care because your feet look so damn good! So for all of you shoe lovers out there, here is your shoe pledge of the season. Say it loud and proud fellow shoe-a-holics - you are among sisters!!!

Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet
look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally... I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

DiDi

EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW OUR MELLIE

If you read my posts and so far only ReRe, Wilson, Paul and Mellie are the readers - you would know that the members of our sorority are DiDi, ReRe and Mellie. We are the Charlie's Angels of Sororities - blond, brunette and redhead.

Our blonde is Mellie - the youngest of us all. When Mellie first started at our place of employment - she was little Miss Keener-pants and was always busy with work and meetings and thought it was all GREAT! This of course made ReRe and I suspicious as we are VERY cynical of Keener-pants people. However our Mellie won us over almost right away mostly because she laughed lots and almost as loud as me and ReRe. Then she came to be in the same group as ReRe and me working for a man we dubbed 'Fat Ass'. At that point she joined ReRe and me in the small but elite club of 'Slackers Extrordinaires' and we welcomed her with open arms.

Our Mellie is famous for many things - a) the fact that she wanted to get to know ReRe better to call her ReRe; b) that she let us call her Mellie right away; c) that she is famous for her 'Mellie-isms' like "Fuck me up the ass and call me Charlie", "Mr Last-minute Pants" and so so much more; d) that she had so many work boyfriends we lost count - including Ken and Louis who were so bothered by her leaving that Louis is quoted as saying to ReRe "I love my wife but I lurve Mellie"; and finally e) that when Mellie decided to work for Fat Ass no longer, she would depart for for job interviews and have a leave-behind coat and purse in her cube so that no one would know that she had left the building. Mellie is famous for her 'accidents' that she seems only to have in Benetton, Banana Republic and Holts. These accidents involve the spending of a paycheque (or 2) on lovely clothes which make ReRe and I very envious. Our favourite accident of hers is spending copious amounts of money on a pair of secondhand Chanel shoes (which fit me thankfully). For these reasons and so much more - we adore her!

Mellie is the only girl we know who is under the age that we allow for close friends and we still let her in cuz she is so cool. She had the balls to leave a safe, moderately cushy and comfy gig for a job in sales for a company that just formed a brand new division. She kicked ass in her first year and still managed to be a fantastic daughter, girlfriend and friend.

Her fiance Jewemy is one lucky guy to have such a woman beside him for the rest of his life. Their wedding will be a future post never fear - complete with minutes and photos.

Everyone should be as lucky as ReRe and me and have a delighful, funny, loud, crazy, shopaholic, smart, ballsy and gorgeous friend like we do. We love you Mellie -even though ReRe can't wear her pretty black dress at your wedding.

DiDi

WELCOME TO PASSOVER - ReRe HOSTS GOYIM AT HOUSE FOR PESACH

It is Passover and all must eat beige food - it is tradition! ReRe decided to host the first night of Passover at her house and provide all of her Goyim friends with a seder. However to assist with the Jew to Goyim ratio, her Aunt and Uncle also attended and amused all.

Here are some of the evening's hightlights:

Long discussion ensued of Jewemy being a long lost Jew trapped in a Waspy McWasp body

• DiDi shows Mellie her new Burberry headband (the cost per wear is now in single digits) and Mellie approves
• All WILDLY impressed with ReRe's Jew abilities
• Said Jew abilities include: a) innate ability to cook WAY too much food; b) ability to ignore usual health obsessions and happily serve meal with 5 carbohydrates; c) knowledge of extensive library of Hebrew songs; d) shameless willingness to sing said Hebrew songs (often solo) in front of all; e) thorough knowledge of Seder rituals
  f) ability to answer all manner of questions regarding seemingly pointless and highly unusual Jew rituals; g) and, most notably, highly impressive shofar blowing skills
• All goys participated in strange Jew rituals with great gusto
• Several goys unsure what to make of gefilte fish
• Some goys surprised to find gefilte fish served cold
• Some goys opted for salad, trying to create illusion of having eaten gefilte fish
• Some goys gave gefilte fish directly to iPod man (Jew), dispensing with any illusions of eating gefilte fish
• Some wise goys with previous Jew/seder experience opted out of gefilte fish from the get-go
• Many goys unappreciative of cost of gefilte fish = $3.75 per piece
• Several goys perplexed by inclusion of apple kugel as side dish
• In spite of said side dish confusion all enjoyed beige food
• Both Jews and goys questioned absence of vegetables
• Both Jews and goys questioned irrational kugel quantities
• Goys played small-town-Ontario-Goy version of Jewish geography with surprising success
• Mellie (goy) posed many discussion-provoking questions regarding various Jew customs
• Discussions arising from said questions include:
  - advantages of crew vs. turtle
  - several (sometimes awkward) mentions of smegma
  - why does DiDi (goy) know more about the story of Passover than all Jews at table
  - various theories around kosher laws, most notably theory of no pork eating due to Absalom falling in pit of pigs (courtesy of urgent call to kosher experts of Chatham, Ontario)
  - and finally ReRe's (Jew) recital of lovely ditty featuring lyrics - "All the animals that we eat must chew their cud and have split feet" (popular party tune)
• Murray (Jew) disappointed to learn of Mellie's engagement; somehow must have missed the skating rink, perhaps blinded by blond shiksa beauty
• Murray un-phased by Mellie's engagement; proceeded with shameless flirtation to amusement of all
• Mellie (goy) shares ReRe's (Jew) natural shofar blowing ability
• Shofar blowing women deemed extremely hot
• For reasons unknown Mellie (goy) chose to wear shofar as horn (as per its original use?)
• Photo of above to be circulated via subsequent email
• Additional photos to be circulated include:
  - goys wearing kippahs (hair on which to clip kippah not required)
  - goys eating gefilte fish
  - goys blowing shofar (in addition to wearing shofar)
  - Goys (understandably) perplexed by Manischewitz wine
  - Goys (understandably) perplexed by fruit jellies
  - Jews (except iPod man) also perplexed by fruit jellies
  - Jews (except iPod man) also perplexed by Manischewitz wine
• Jews anxious to be invited to Easter egg hunts, Christmas (with stockings) etc.
• Fun time had by all, as always
• Must get sorority together again soon!

Additional Jew/Passover questions from Mellie

Q. What do you call a non-Jewish boy?
A. Non Jews are referred to as Goy for 1 or in the plural Goyim.

Q. What is the difference between a 'goy' and a 'shiksa'?
A goy is a non Jewish person and goyim refers to more than one non Jew. Goy is a gender neutral term. Women can also be referred to as 'shiksas' and men as 'shagitz'.

Q. What is passover?
A. During the time of Pharoah, the Jews were held as slaves and made to make bricks which were used to build the pyramids (yes those pyramids). Moses, back from his time in the desert with Jethro (seriously his father-in-law's name was Jethro) comes back to free his people from their bondage to Pharoah. Pharoah says no MANY times until Moses (with a little bit of help from The Almighty) brings out the big guns and says if you don't free my people (insert Charlton Heston voice and say "Let my people go!") your first born son will die. Moses alerts the Jews and in order for their children to not die, they have to put the blood of the lamb on their doorway so that the Angel of Death knows to 'Pass over' their houses. The above was learned courtesy of Christian Sunday School and many viewings of the movie 'The 10 Commandments'.

Q. Have you read the DaVinci code and what is your opinion on it?
A. ReRe - has not read and has no opinion. DiDi will loan ReRe her copy and DiDi liked the book and is looking forward to the movie. ReRe probably will not like said book as it does not include any freaks, Siamese twins or sadistic murders.

Q. How can ReRe's mom be a rabbi and still be a girl?
A. A rabbi is not a priest. They are allowed to marry, have children etc. There are different branches of Judaism. The Reform branch of Judaism allow women to be rabbis and everything. Other branches are much more traditional and really aren't all that fond of this practice.

Q. Why are there 2 nights of Seder?
A. Once the Jews were in the desert (and Moses refused to ask for directions) all was very confusing. There were so many Jews and only one Shofar horn so it was hard to hear when the horn was blown so a 2nd day was added so that everyone would get to have Passover. It also means that once you are married you don't have to have the "which house are we supposed to go to this year discussion" as the goyim do around Christmas.

Q. Who is God and how did he come to be?
A. There is only one God - he is the same being whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc. Not sure how he came to be but he has a good gig.

Q. Who is this David character we hear about and why does he have his own star?
A. David is King of the Jews and it seems that someone somewhere thought he deserved his own star. Hmm - wonder if Liz has her own star???

Q. What is the party for a baby girl?
A. A baby girl has a 'baby naming' ceremony where she receives her Hebrew name. There is a rabbi, family, friends and lots of beige food. Do you sense a theme to the Jewish gathering?

Q. Why circumcise?
A. No one at the table had a answer - cleanliness was thought but when searching the web I found a pile of answer which are waaay to boring for this site. So it comes to this - apparently it was thought to be unpure so off it goes. Personally - I don't mind. I realize that I am in the minority but anything that comes with its own purse is attractive to me.

Q. Is anything like that done to baby girls?
A. NO! EEEEWWWWWWW!!!!

Q. What is with the no split-toed meats?
A. ReRe has a song that explains everything - here goes:

All the animals that we eat
Must chew their cud and have split feet
Cause kosher meet just can’t be beat
So throw away your ham.

Take your ham and take your bacon
I won’t eat it you’re mistaken
I’m a Jew and I’m not fakin’
Give me kosher meat to eat.

This was sung a couple (OK many) times by ReRe during the evening - as only she knows the words. HI.LAR.IOUS!!!

According to the book "Your Neighbour is a Jew" which oddly enough DiDi owns here the list of what you can and cannot eat if you keep kosher!

- 4 legged mammals allowed only if they chew their cud and have cleft hooves
- Includes bovines but excludes rabbits (which don't chew cud) or horses (which have single hooves). Really, who could eat Black Beauty anyhow...
- Camel flesh is prohibited (damn, we were going to eat that over Easter this year) and so is the pig in all forms
- rapacious animals and carrion feeders are also forbidden as are reptiles, amphibians and sea creatures like oysters, crab and shrimp. (ReRe - that was a damn fine Christmas meal you made of forbidden shrimp. Love those forbidden shrimp!!!)
- Fish are permitted but they must have fins and scales (alas not catfish for you kosher kids)
- Birds are apparently permitted - except for the biblical list of predators and those that eat the dead flesh - see local rabbi for the all knowing biblical list.

Apparently these basic laws of keeping kosher are found in the Bible - but since it is not on my current reading list, who knew?

Q. What is Jesus to you?
A. To a Jew, he is a confused Jewish boy in need of therapy as he had a God complex and delusional. Paxil would have helped him out a lot. If you believe the DaVinci Code, he got a lot of action with Mary Magdalene and had some kids. How screwed up would they be when they trace their family tree and find out the 'son of God' is a relative. How do you live up to that?!!!?

Q. Why are all Jewish men lawyers? (doctors, bankers, or other professions that involve making large sums of money)
A. It is a conspiracy!

Q. Is the term 'JEW' derogatory?
A. Not if used a in a sentence like 'Are you a Jew?'. If used in a sentence like 'Are you a dirty Jew?" then yes, derogatory.

Q. Can we join you at the synagogue?
A. Yes but are you sure that you want to. Your typical Shabbut service is 4 hours in length and has a lot of mumbling in Hebrew. Best to attend with a synagogue member.

Q. Can we try Judaisim?
A. It is not like a pair of pretty secondhand Chanel shoes that can be put on or off. You are born into the faith or can convert a la Charlotte. See previous question for attending your local shul for a test run.